Is the Woman supposed to do the Driving?!


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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #71  March 19,2010, 7:47am
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no. you just don't ask someone to travel a long way like that to see you, unless you're their elderly mother. if you want to see them, you go to them.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #72  March 19,2010, 8:38am
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lil_lamb wrote :
no. you just don't ask someone to travel a long way like that to see you, unless you're their elderly mother. if you want to see them, you go to them.
I can understand this, but would say that in most "online" situations, there is a mutual desire to see each other. My thoughts had more to do with that it just seemed more "comfortable" (maybe is the appropriate word), for the guy to drive the distance, or at least offer to meet in the middle. Just seemed strange that a guy would assume that you should come to him. Dunno... at least in my situation, I agree that you have to do what is comfortable to you. Me driving all the way to him, unless like someone pointed out, he had something spectacular planned, just doesn't feel right. He agreed at least.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #73  March 19,2010, 9:27am
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Considering the situation you pose in your post my opinion / advice would be to pick somewhere in the middle for the first meeting.

As a general rule I always go to the girls area. However, if one or the other or both live in a rural area without much to do then that should certainly be a factor in choosing where to meet.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #74  March 19,2010, 9:35am

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Maybe JavaJava because she felt somebody outdid her on post length lol (sorry JavaJava...couldn't resist!!! )
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #75  March 19,2010, 9:55am
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PY_2 wrote :
Maybe JavaJava because she felt somebody outdid her on post length lol (sorry JavaJava...couldn't resist!!! )
LOL, you crack me up!
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #76  March 19,2010, 11:14am
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jussmile wrote :
I can understand this, but would say that in most "online" situations, there is a mutual desire to see each other. My thoughts had more to do with that it just seemed more "comfortable" (maybe is the appropriate word), for the guy to drive the distance, or at least offer to meet in the middle. Just seemed strange that a guy would assume that you should come to him. Dunno... at least in my situation, I agree that you have to do what is comfortable to you. Me driving all the way to him, unless like someone pointed out, he had something spectacular planned, just doesn't feel right. He agreed at least.
ya, that's true. i'd say, tho, it falls to the one who brings it up...

if it comes to that, i should add. i agree with you. the man should drive. that's why i had to tack on "if it comes to that." a woman driving into *foreign territory* - i mean, it should spark some protective instinct. even if the woman suggests a visit
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #77  March 19,2010, 11:41am
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I'm curious why someone in NYC (which has something like 8 million people) needs to start a long-distance relationship, especially when she's not willing to drive to where the other person lives.

Isn't it just as far for him to drive to her as for her to drive to him?
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #78  March 19,2010, 12:43pm
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mrflyer wrote :
Isn't it just as far for him to drive to her as for her to drive to him?
Yes, it's just as far... but the gentlemanly thing to do is for him to either drive to her... or at least, plan to meet in the middle. I think it's strange if a guy just expects you to drive all the way to meet him. Not only strange, but also a clue of the "selfish" type behavior that you can expect later in the relationship (probably more of a clue than him not liking chipped fingernail polish !).
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #79  March 19,2010, 4:51pm
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Crcbonjour wrote :
I have this to say: we were matched on eHarmony and it said my name and that I lived in NYC!! So he KNEW that I lived in a big city ...
Yes, this is a reasonable presumption.

Through, it is not right to assume that the person's present schedule admits this, or that once they gather more detail about the local environment, that the presumption holds. Also a factor is other detail in the profile, such as any stated plans.

Still, avoiding being in this situation is why I close all women in urban environments.


Crcbonjour wrote :
The city, by the way, is not that unsafe - our crime rate is phenomenally low compared to other cities ...
True - but this data is to the personal crime that women fear but is not in fact the common type of crime that I am concerned about in a dating context: I would not leave one of my vehicles parked on the street.


Crcbonjour wrote :
The "Might Get Lost" or "Don't Know the City" excuses are kind of lame in the world of mapquest, google & yahoo, all of whome give turn by turn driving directions and it is pretty easy to get here.
I get lost about half the time I use these type of print-outs. Between the misnamed streets, lousy signage, darkness, and stupid city junk (unnecessary one-way streets), I usually have a mis-direction.

Another problem I forgot to mention earlier is the aggressive driving in cities (and New York is the worst US city I've been in; people who can't drive a six-foot car through a ten-foot gap panic and stop in typical urban traffic, leading the locals to lean on the horn, make profane gestures, and swear out the window. Your partner just may have been too afraid - or disgusted - to deal with this.)


Crcbonjour wrote :
As for being busy 7 days, I have worked 7 days a week AND been attending grad school and still found time to spend with my men in past relationships
I agree, but it is not possible to spend a day traveling (which becomes two days once the distance is too much to safety drive during reasonable hours.


Crcbonjour wrote :
Despite the fact that I made everything easy by driving down, paying for it all and never asking to split the tolls etc.
As I said, you could have negotiated this (assuming you were sharing the dating costs.)


Crcbonjour wrote :
HE STARTED THE COMMUNICATION ON eHARMONY, NOT ME!!
This is the part of your post I disagree with.

Once you answered that communication, you became an equal partner.

None of this "he chased me, so I am entitled" mindset. You communicated to each other; you decided to meet each other.

***

Generally, I agree with your initial presumption, but I am not privy to all the detail that transpired.

Still, this is a useful reminder of why I avoid urban woman.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #80  March 19,2010, 4:55pm
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jussmile wrote :
Yes, it's just as far... but the gentlemanly thing to do is for him to either drive to her... or at least, plan to meet in the middle. I think it's strange if a guy just expects you to drive all the way to meet him. Not only strange, but also a clue of the "selfish" type behavior that you can expect later in the relationship (probably more of a clue than him not liking chipped fingernail polish !).

I think it's gold-digging if a woman doesn't equitably share the costs. In my experience a woman who thinks she shouldn't drive is horribly selfish and self-centered (except the ones in Saudi Arabia, and they were mainly terrified.)

Which would you rather have? You drive, he pays; or he drives you pay? Or, meet in the middle and share the cost?
 
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