nightling is offline nightling Post #1  March 15,2010, 7:21am
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Many of us are here bc our past dating strategies weren't all that. If they were, certainly some of us wouldn't be single right now.

So what are you doing to shake up your game plan, get out of the rut, create a different result?

I found the following article interesting food for thought on this subject. There's an addenda at the end that looks at strategies for commitment phobes, single moms, and those of us who have become single in middle age.

Singles: Patterns of Pursuit | Psychology Today

here are a couple random items from the article that I see come up on the boards a lot.

Moving too fast/when to have sex — In the early stages of romance, it's wise to make non-date-related plans that are as exciting to you as your prospective partner is. And mom was right: Don't jump into bed right away. Sleeping with someone prompts your brain to release neurochemicals such as oxytocin that spur bonding and make you feel more connected to and dependent on your bedmate than is wise at an early juncture.

Cut the overly choosiness — One of my friends stopped dating a smart, sweet, beautiful woman after discovering she possessed, of all horrors, a Celine Dion CD. Is that really a good reason to reject the whole person?

Get outside your usual patterns —It's comfortable for you to reject short men. So say yes to the next one who flirts with you. It's easy for you to become overly dependent on new boyfriends, texting them every hour. So hide your phone and resist the urge. It's tempting to cut things off before your new love starts talking about "the future"—so bring up the topic yourself.

Ok there is lots more in the article than this, those are just a couple that jumped out at me from reading the boards around here.
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #2  March 15,2010, 7:29am
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nightling wrote :


Cut the overly choosiness — One of my friends stopped dating a smart, sweet, beautiful woman after discovering she possessed, of all horrors, a Celine Dion CD. Is that really a good reason to reject the whole person?


I would absolutely INSIST that she throw away ALL her Holly Near records.into the garbage.

*Total* deal breaker if she didn't.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  March 15,2010, 7:34am
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Thanks for the info. However, as you mentioned these things have all been brought up and discussed and these same suggestions made many times before. The advice is usually vehemently rejected by those asking for it Whether it is from an article from Psychology Today or not.

P.S. I happen to think that Psychology Today has some excellent articles.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  March 15,2010, 7:35am
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6dle899 wrote :
I would absolutely INSIST that she throw away ALL her Holly Near records.into the garbage.

*Total* deal breaker if she didn't.
Hmm, can't say that I am familiar with Holly Near. Maybe I will be able to find something to download.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #5  March 15,2010, 8:02am
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nightling wrote :
One of my friends stopped dating a smart, sweet, beautiful woman after discovering she possessed, of all horrors, a Celine Dion CD. Is that really a good reason to reject the whole person?
Yes.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #6  March 15,2010, 8:13am
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nightling wrote :
Cut the overly choosiness — One of my friends stopped dating a smart, sweet, beautiful woman after discovering she possessed, of all horrors, a Celine Dion CD. Is that really a good reason to reject the whole person?
Mokkesofie wrote :
Yes.
If she and I were on a cruise together and she wanted to recreate the scene from Titanic..I might throw her off!

Nightling, Just wanted to say thank you for providing the links in many of your threads. I've been reading them more and more and they do have some excellent articles.
Last edited by TrekRyder10; March 15,2010 at 8:17am.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #7  March 15,2010, 8:15am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Thanks for the info. However, as you mentioned these things have all been brought up and discussed and these same suggestions made many times before. The advice is usually vehemently rejected by those asking for it Whether it is from an article from Psychology Today or not.

P.S. I happen to think that Psychology Today has some excellent articles.
Well perhaps I am overly optimistic, but it seems like the article might have a little more weight than us random hotheads on the Internet.

I do think I saw a lot of good ideas in there that can be used to make dating efforts more effective. But I guess if it gets ignored it gets ignored! Oh well!
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #8  March 15,2010, 8:16am

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Mokkesofie wrote :
Yes.


One night I found my car burglarized...CD player gone...window smashed into a thousand pieces.

But...the kind thief was nice enough to take out my Mariah Carey CD and put it on the front seat....lol.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #9  March 15,2010, 8:24am
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PY_2 wrote :


One night I found my car burglarized...CD player gone...window smashed into a thousand pieces.

But...the kind thief was nice enough to take out my Mariah Carey CD and put it on the front seat....lol.
Maybe I shoulda used the guy who was short example that was in the article.

Or a fingernail with chipped polish.
 
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StuckOnYou is offline StuckOnYou Post #10  March 15,2010, 8:42am
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nightling wrote :
/...snip/
Cut the overly choosiness — One of my friends stopped dating a smart, sweet, beautiful woman after discovering she possessed, of all horrors, a Celine Dion CD. Is that really a good reason to reject the whole person?
/snip.../
Have you ever listened to Celine Dion?

I hate to sound unromantic, but to a certain extent one makes an intellectual decision to start/maintain a relationship. Someone passes your initial filters, you get to know/like/love each other, and then you make a commitment. Although this is not done in a vacuum, you absolutely will never know everything about your partner or what life has in store for you in the future. Nonetheless, you make a conscious decision to commit yourself to making things work through the ups and downs that are inevitable in any relationship. (Just to be clear, I'm not suggesting that anyone should/must put up with unacceptable behaviors like violence, hatred, etc.) If one is unwilling/unable to to this, I think they are destined to be unsuccessful in their search for love.

Just sayin'...
 
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