username_already_exists is offline username_already_exists Post #61  March 18,2010, 6:54am
username_alre…'s Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Mar 2010

A Mile High

Posts: 300

See profile

I did not know about the 3 Date Rule prior to this thread. I like to try to get the sex out of the way at the beginning of the first date. that way during the balance of the date there's no sexual tension hanging like a cloud over a time getting to know one another. I don't have to be thinking, should I hold her hand? is now a good time to kiss her? etc.

and those questions and concerns are eliminated for her as well. is he going to kiss me? are my lips moist?

the other added benefit of this approach is that even if there is not a second at least one of us departs satisfied - and generally both of us do.

this is a much, much better approach than the whole "save your kisses" thing. who knows?? the world could end tomorrow - or maybe just your world or mine - and you have all these kisses saved and they go to waste. that would be sad. sad indeed.
 
  Reply With Quote
TXButtercup is offline TXButtercup Post #62  March 18,2010, 9:44am
TXButtercup's Avatar

*facepalm*

Veteran

Joined: Feb 2010

Texas

Posts: 1,079

See profile

insertscreenname wrote :
Perhaps you should re-evaluate your reading comprehension skills.

*expects too much sometimes*
Just a question - is it necessary to insult others on these boards? Does it make people feel somehow superior? I didn't say anything mean or snarky, but I have seen more than once that some people here seem to see it as a necessary component of a response.

I am seriously wondering why that is so?
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #63  March 18,2010, 9:49am
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

username_already_exists wrote :
I did not know about the 3 Date Rule prior to this thread. I like to try to get the sex out of the way at the beginning of the first date. that way during the balance of the date there's no sexual tension hanging like a cloud over a time getting to know one another. I don't have to be thinking, should I hold her hand? is now a good time to kiss her? etc.

and those questions and concerns are eliminated for her as well. is he going to kiss me? are my lips moist?

the other added benefit of this approach is that even if there is not a second at least one of us departs satisfied - and generally both of us do.
There's also the benefit that (per 'The Tao of Steve') right after you finish having sex you're briefly thinking the same way she thinks all the time....so communication might be even better than usual.
 
  Reply With Quote
TXButtercup is offline TXButtercup Post #64  March 18,2010, 9:50am
TXButtercup's Avatar

*facepalm*

Veteran

Joined: Feb 2010

Texas

Posts: 1,079

See profile

phoenix888 wrote :
Sigh.
At the risk of being drop-kicked by the sisterhood as a "hoor"... here's my two cents.
I understand what the guys are saying about the "3rd date rule". No, they are not implying sex. It's more about affection. A glimpse into the possibilities.

Here's the kicker which may hopefully bring this out of stereotypes... I feel the same way. If a guy is not warming up to me after 3 dates (hold my hand, give me a wonderful hug, give me a nice kiss) then I will assume there's no chemistry. I'm not one for sprinting ahead of the natural progression of things, but I also don't want to waste time on something that will go nowhere. Based on experience in my ex-marriage, I know I don't ever want to be in a relationship where there is a lack of intimacy again. I think by the 3rd date, I can tell if that might be a problem or not. Many guys might feel the same.
Just a thought.
I am not certain why there would be any drop kicking necessary (well, except for those folks that seem to see that as simply a fun sport) for a person's opinion.

And I would agree with what you have said about expression of interest, and managed to say in a respectful and non-crude manner. I had never heard of the 3rd date rule before this.

But I do find myself wishing for an effective way to discover which men believe that it is only worth their time and interest to get to know a woman if there is going to be sex by the third date. The presumption alone is enough for me not to want to even see them for the first date.
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #65  March 18,2010, 9:52am
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

TXButtercup wrote :
Just a question - is it necessary to insult others on these boards? Does it make people feel somehow superior? I didn't say anything mean or snarky, but I have seen more than once that some people here seem to see it as a necessary component of a response.

I am seriously wondering why that is so?
Buttercup....my impression is that what happens is people start to feel threatened by others opinions or attitudes and so they lash out. This may be an attempt to feel better about themselves or even to bully others into sharing the opinion that feels less threatening to them. It is unfortunate....but oh well. Hang in there and I hope you'll keep posting anyway.
 
  Reply With Quote
insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #66  March 18,2010, 10:08am
insertscreenn…'s Avatar

... is like a nice warm vibratey feeling all through your guttiwuts.

Virtuoso

Joined: Jan 2010

Toronto, Canada

Posts: 3,409

See profile

TXButtercup wrote :
Just a question - is it necessary to insult others on these boards? Does it make people feel somehow superior? I didn't say anything mean or snarky, but I have seen more than once that some people here seem to see it as a necessary component of a response.

I am seriously wondering why that is so?
I thought it would get your attention to more accurately read my posts and not attribute false meaning to them. I'm sorry if I ruffled your feathers.

Thank you for your response, though, in which you clearly chose not to retract your invalid assumptions regarding my original post!
 
  Reply With Quote
insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #67  March 18,2010, 10:13am
insertscreenn…'s Avatar

... is like a nice warm vibratey feeling all through your guttiwuts.

Virtuoso

Joined: Jan 2010

Toronto, Canada

Posts: 3,409

See profile

jayjay wrote :
Buttercup....my impression is that what happens is people start to feel threatened by others opinions or attitudes and so they lash out. This may be an attempt to feel better about themselves or even to bully others into sharing the opinion that feels less threatening to them. It is unfortunate....but oh well.
Yes, you're exactly right. It has nothing to do with other people's inaccurate assumptions.

Thank you Sigmund. Read familiar?
 
  Reply With Quote
Mr79percent is offline Mr79percent Post #68  March 18,2010, 10:19am
Mr79percent's Avatar

So long, farewell.

Pacesetter

Joined: Mar 2010

Posts: 451

See profile

username_already_exists wrote :
I did not know about the 3 Date Rule prior to this thread. I like to try to get the sex out of the way at the beginning of the first date. that way during the balance of the date there's no sexual tension hanging like a cloud over a time getting to know one another. I don't have to be thinking, should I hold her hand? is now a good time to kiss her? etc.

and those questions and concerns are eliminated for her as well. is he going to kiss me? are my lips moist?

the other added benefit of this approach is that even if there is not a second at least one of us departs satisfied - and generally both of us do.

this is a much, much better approach than the whole "save your kisses" thing. who knows?? the world could end tomorrow - or maybe just your world or mine - and you have all these kisses saved and they go to waste. that would be sad. sad indeed.
In addition to this sage advice, I also recommend women bring their children along on the first date--.and any psycho exes as well. preferably halfway into the first date once the sex is out of the way--you don't want to be intimate in front of them..that's just bad manners. This gets the whole "will the children like me?" anxiety out of the way, opening you up to reaching new heights in emotional baggage sharing. Meeting the psycho ex(es) is also important, because the sooner you realize the source of all her baggage, better you can understand her baggage.

Damn..we need to market our own book. It's easy to market a dating book full of questionable advice.
Last edited by Mr79percent; March 18,2010 at 12:10pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #69  March 18,2010, 10:21am
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

insertscreenname wrote :
Yes, you're exactly right. It has nothing to do with other people's inaccurate assumptions.

Thank you Sigmund. Read familiar?
I take it Buttercup was responding to something you wrote previously on this thread? I haven't even read it so I can only make general comments.

When people make inaccurate statements or assumptions of course these can be pointed out. That is something entirely different than attacking, denigrating etc. Again, I don't know if you have done this or not.

With your last sentence are you referring to my jestfully calling someone 'Sigmund' in relation to a psychologically oriented post? I think you'd be hard pressed to find many people who consider that an attack.
 
  Reply With Quote
username_already_exists is offline username_already_exists Post #70  March 18,2010, 10:31am
username_alre…'s Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Mar 2010

A Mile High

Posts: 300

See profile

TXButtercup wrote :
But I do find myself wishing for an effective way to discover which men believe that it is only worth their time and interest to get to know a woman if there is going to be sex by the third date. The presumption alone is enough for me not to want to even see them for the first date.
TBC - there is no effective way to know this or anything else about the future.

I would suggest that the majority of us are here to find a relationship. sex is one of the elements of a relationship. and from my experience is an important element at all times, but especially in the early stages for creating special bonds etc.

often times the timing for one person does not mesh exactly with the other's so there can be a little tension, stress as both parties try to figure it out. am I coming on too fast? he/she's not coming on fast enough - doesn't he/she like me? what else does all this mean.

while there may be men (or women) who practice a hard set 3 date rule, I would speculate that they are in the minority of eHa daters. there are also people on eHa who are married, are gold diggers, or have other unsavory talents.

the gist is that each party, as their comfort level provides, needs to take initiative and express interest. otherwise we run the risk of the other person misreading the situation, becoming bored and leaving, or just realizing the match on this level does not work and it's time to move.

hope I wasn't snarky. I'll shoot for funny sometimes, but try to avoid the snark.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« I Don't Understand.. need advice | Dating | Monday April 19th Weekend and Date Roundup »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Coupon on a first date: help me settle an office debate eHA_Admin_Lori Dating 594 May 2,2012 4:42pm
Fear of Date? passat1 Dating 12 May 2,2011 8:13am
Askin for the next date. First date versus second date. shoopthedoop Dating 8 September 24,2010 7:19pm
No second date yet.......I feel so stupid. itsabeatutifulday Dating 36 April 16,2010 7:06pm
2nd Date Jitters Timmer2 Dating 13 December 19,2009 1:45pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“but isnt' "comedy" subjective?” –  richey

Join the “I think I blew it...” discussion

“"So, at what point did you decide I was only going to be a one-date kind of guy?" Hi Carole, I am late to this thread. Thanks for such an interesting topic! My initial reaction was to think ... ” –  SearchingHoping

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“A little tough love... The lesson here: date married men at your own peril. The man was married when YOU began a relationship with him! You keep calling him divorced. Not when you were with him. Once ... ” –  emma_hazards

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“Thanks, DancingFool!!!!! I deleted all but 2 pics. I kept the 2 most recent pics. I will work on updating pics soon, hopefully this weekend. Thanks! Suzanne” –  SuzanneScorpio

Join the “Photo Review” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 5:09pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0