tenderheart105 is offline tenderheart105 Post #21  March 16,2010, 3:43pm
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insertscreenname wrote :
Just an idea...

You are dating guys who will back-burner you after three dates when there is no hint of physical intimacy happening in the very near future. It's called the "three date rule" amongst some men.

Not saying that to be harsh, but it's a method men use to weed out women who are not sexually aggressive and/or open, especially when this is a requirement for the man to determine long-term compatibility.
Uh oh! This worries me because I am a slow mover and I would like to weed out men who are looking for some kind of brief encounter. I like to know that there is something there besides physical attraction. They have to like me as a person first.
Last edited by tenderheart105; March 16,2010 at 3:50pm.
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #22  March 16,2010, 4:07pm
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tenderheart105 wrote :
Uh oh! This worries me because I am a slow mover and I would like to weed out men who are looking for some kind of brief encounter. I like to know that there is something there besides physical attraction. They have to like me as a person first.
Not all men who use the three date rule (or something similar, 5 dates, 1 month, whatever it is) are looking for "brief encounters", many are looking for relationships. It also doesn't mean they want sex by date three, often it's some indication that there is physical chemistry worth pursuing as well as emotional or interpersonal chemistry.

I mean if all a guy wants is to "score with you" once, he's gonna dump you whether he's been on 3 dates or dated you for 3 months.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #23  March 16,2010, 4:15pm
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tenderheart105 wrote :
Uh oh! This worries me because I am a slow mover and I would like to weed out men who are looking for some kind of brief encounter. I like to know that there is something there besides physical attraction. They have to like me as a person first.
Why would it worry you? You are probably accomplishing what you want. If a guy is that interested in you he'll continue to date you. I really wouldn't over think stuff like this.

When I date I want to waste as little time as possible with people that wouldn't even be a consideration. For someone to stop dating me because I am not as "affectionate" as they want weed themselves out. Just be yourself.
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #24  March 16,2010, 5:15pm

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tenderheart105 wrote :
Uh oh! This worries me because I am a slow mover and I would like to weed out men who are looking for some kind of brief encounter. I like to know that there is something there besides physical attraction. They have to like me as a person first.
I can't speak for anyone else, but I can say that I'm not saying anyone should go with some arbitrary expectation that they be having sex with someone after the third date.

My only point was that at some point a woman has to show she's interested in actually having a relationship for there to actually be a relationship.

If you're going to play Nanette's game and never call a guy, never propose a date with a guy, never initiate anything with a guy, and try your best to act like a sack of potatoes forcing every responsibility in the relationship on him you probably won't have much success, because most guys catch on really quick to a woman not having any interest. And putting on the Nanette act is basically showing no interest.

(and, no, passively accepting his offers to buy you food are not showing the sort of interest that would make most guys think you're actually interested in something lasting with him)
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #25  March 16,2010, 8:02pm
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You are doing far better than I.
 
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k374 is offline k374 Post #26  March 16,2010, 10:12pm
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tenderheart105 wrote :
Uh oh! This worries me because I am a slow mover and I would like to weed out men who are looking for some kind of brief encounter. I like to know that there is something there besides physical attraction. They have to like me as a person first.
If there is chemistry between two people they will at least kiss by the 2nd or 3rd date and the woman has to give cues that she wants it to go in the direction of a relationship. If it is not happening by then it is probably never going to happen. You cannot force chemistry, it either is there or it isn't. If it isn't there then no point wasting time.
 
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TXButtercup is offline TXButtercup Post #27  March 16,2010, 10:23pm
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insertscreenname wrote :
Just an idea...

You are dating guys who will back-burner you after three dates when there is no hint of physical intimacy happening in the very near future. It's called the "three date rule" amongst some men.

Not saying that to be harsh, but it's a method men use to weed out women who are not sexually aggressive and/or open, especially when this is a requirement for the man to determine long-term compatibility.

Wow. Hardly know what else to say.
 
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bonfiredancer is offline bonfiredancer Post #28  March 16,2010, 11:39pm
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There is a theory that you should let the man initiate all dates/calls, and your job is to respond enthusiastically. It means he's a "masculine man" who takes the lead, and you are responding as a "feminine woman." I personally start initiating after several dates (more than three), like inviting him to a social event, but leaving the romantic dates often up to him. That way, you can really tell if the guy is into you; because one that is will pursue you.
And no, I do not kiss or have sex until I am ready, no matter the attraction. That is up to you, entirely!
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #29  March 17,2010, 3:25am
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TXButtercup wrote :
Wow. Hardly know what else to say.
"3-date rule" is nothing new. *shrugs*
 
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Raw_Truth is online now Raw_Truth Post #30  March 17,2010, 7:05am
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Yeah, I think it's well the norm that by date #3 there should at least be some minimum level of intimacy (kissing/snuggling/etc.) and at some reciprocation in communication. I think it also the norm that if there's not the guy will move on.

I'm not arguing that people should change their strategies but being outside the norm = more churning-n-burning, which I think ultimately answers the original post to some extent (implicitly, as the subject of intimacy and the like was not mentioned).
 
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