Nanette is offline Nanette Post #11  March 16,2010, 1:37pm
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hankscorpio wrote :
Basically what I was thinking. It sounds like the original poster is expecting to be dragged kicking and screaming through the whole relationship.

If you're not interested in participating or rewarding a man for putting in the effort of getting close to you then most guys aren't going to waste a ton of time trying to wring blood from a stone.
You can't know someone after three dates.

Shes participating by going out on dates with him. I think they did her a favor by not calling her if their attitude is anything similar to this.
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #12  March 16,2010, 1:47pm
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Nanette wrote :
You can't know someone after three dates.
You can't know someone inside and out after three dates. You certainly can know if someone is too frigid to waste time emotionally investing in them.

I'm not saying the original poster is specifically.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #13  March 16,2010, 1:52pm
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I would think by the third date you would be initiating some contact with the men. Maybe they see you as disinterested because you don't contact them first sometimes.

You say it is a pattern... how many times? 3? 4? 20?
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #14  March 16,2010, 2:02pm
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insertscreenname wrote :
You can't know someone inside and out after three dates. You certainly can know if someone is too frigid to waste time emotionally investing in them.

I'm not saying the original poster is specifically.
You mean not a hoor? No I dont think you can even know that.

Like I said, they did her a favor.
 
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Drexel09 is offline Drexel09 Post #15  March 16,2010, 2:04pm
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DancingFool wrote :
I would think that's fairly normal. I mean for myself, sometimes I can tell immediately that dating won't happen and sometimes it takes two or three dates before I can make that decision. So it could just be coincidence or a bad streak.

Since they do pop up later on, I kind of wonder if maybe initially you are making yourself a little too available or that you are too accommodating for them and so make them think that they can put you on the back burner and you'll just welcome them back whenever they chose to return. Just something to consider....
Sounds familar, I got friend zoned after 8 dates beacuse I was too "available." If someone thinks you're just worthy of the back burner then they aren't worth it. Keep at it!
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #16  March 16,2010, 2:06pm

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toulousaine97 wrote :
I have been doing online dating for 6 months, during which time I met a few great guys. The problem is a disturbing pattern has emerged. The first date will be great. Meeting for a drink will turn into dinner, and the guy will call or text within 24 hours (sometimes within minutes of departing) to say what a great time he had, how he's so excited to meet have met me, etc., and we'll set up the 2nd date. He will continue to call or text every day until we see each other again. Date 2 will again go great, sometimes even better than the first date. Then date 3 happens and then... nothing. No calls, no texts. A few weeks later he will pop out of nowhere with, "Oh hey, how's it going? Sorry I didn't contact you sooner. I've been busy with work. Do you want to go out next ___day?"

This pattern is maddening. I have wracked my brain trying to figure out why this happens. I don't bring up the scary "m" word (marriage); I don't get intimate with these men I barely know; I continue to go out with my friends; I'm not clingy; I let them initiate most of the initial contact but I always respond in a polite and timely manner. I just don't understand and I am wondering if this happens a lot to other people, or am I just not 4th date date-able? Help!
What pain hath the Nanette school of relationships wrought.

It probably would help to let these guys know in some concrete way that you're actually interested in them for something more than their ability to pay for your meals out.

Unless, of course, you like the way things have been going for you.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #17  March 16,2010, 2:10pm
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If she wasn't interested in them she wouldn't be dating them. If that doesn't spell it out clearly enough nothing will.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #18  March 16,2010, 2:38pm
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You should definitely be initiating some contact with the guys well before the 3rd date. It could literally be that they are thinking you are not interested and they are doing all of the work. You might want to change your patterns slightly to see how things play out.

For me personally, if a guy is expecting intimacy (at any level - other than hugs) by the 3rd date, then he might as well move on.
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #19  March 16,2010, 2:51pm
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Nevermind
Last edited by insertscreenname; March 16,2010 at 2:53pm. Reason: Wasting my time.
 
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Faraday is offline Faraday Post #20  March 16,2010, 3:05pm
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AndieIsMe wrote :
I would think by the third date you would be initiating some contact with the men. Maybe they see you as disinterested because you don't contact them first sometimes.

You say it is a pattern... how many times? 3? 4? 20?
That's exactly what I thought. The first 2 dates usually the guy is in charge (imo) and I'll usually intitiate the third if interested. Maybe try that next round and see...good luck!
 
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