Askin for the next date. First date versus second date.


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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #1  March 11,2010, 7:07am
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is happy with the way things are going!

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Generally speaking, if I've had an enjoyable first date I'll indicate that I'm interested, but not ask for a second date until a day or two later.

I usually wait a few days after first date because there is so much to take in. Physical attraction, mannersims, all the components of 'chemistry'. Some people get overwhelmed on a first date, and I'd much rather wait a few days for them to digest the evening and decide if they'd like to meet again.

On the flip side, I'll ask for a third date towards the end of the second date. You've already met each other and decided there was enough to go on a second date. No where near as much to process as on a first date. If I am enjoying the second date I think that's a good way to end the evening.

I've got date from a unique situation coming up and I'm not sure if I should treat it as a first date, or second date, as I've defined above.

Met a woman on POF about 10 months ago. We advanced to the email stage. I think technically she poofed, but it was only a non-response to one email. I got busy with a number of things and never followed up.

I was at a salsa class a month ago. A group of us went out for snacks/drinks after class. In talking to the group I eventually realized that the woman from POF was one of the people in the class. I emailed her and after exchanging a few emails we set up a date for this coming weekend.

We've got another salsa class coming up for next weekend that we both signed up for. How should I bring this up during the date?

I'll play it by ear, but my plans are to talk about the coming lesson over dinner then ask for the seond date during drinks if things are going well. Having already met in person I think there is a mutual agreement on chemistry so that's why I'm leaning towards treating it more like a second date.

What are your thoughts? Should I treat this as a first or second date in terms of asking for the next date?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  March 11,2010, 2:51pm
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My approach is to set a second meeting during the first meeting - and I am specifically looking for the woman to actively participate in planning that second meeting.

I am used to making rapid decisions in my job, and I have found that people I am compatible with do too. This is thus a useful screen for a personality attribute, and a proxy-screen for her employment.

Since women who don't participate either poof or are hopelessly boring partners, it is also a measure with a strong correlation.

***

If she is interested in you, I think she will be eager to see you! I would be making definitive plans.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #3  March 11,2010, 3:34pm
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thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

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shoopthedoop wrote :
I've got date from a unique situation coming up and I'm not sure if I should treat it as a first date, or second date, as I've defined above.

Met a woman on POF about 10 months ago. We advanced to the email stage. I think technically she poofed, but it was only a non-response to one email. I got busy with a number of things and never followed up.

I was at a salsa class a month ago. A group of us went out for snacks/drinks after class. In talking to the group I eventually realized that the woman from POF was one of the people in the class. I emailed her and after exchanging a few emails we set up a date for this coming weekend.

We've got another salsa class coming up for next weekend that we both signed up for. How should I bring this up during the date?

I'll play it by ear, but my plans are to talk about the coming lesson over dinner then ask for the seond date during drinks if things are going well. Having already met in person I think there is a mutual agreement on chemistry so that's why I'm leaning towards treating it more like a second date.

What are your thoughts? Should I treat this as a first or second date in terms of asking for the next date?
I think ...1) you should treat this as a date, stop worrying about the number ...and, 2) you should ask for the 'next' date when you feel like it and/or when the opportunity presents itself.

Throw the rule book out the window.

As for your rules? ...trust me, a woman knows if she wants a 2nd date by the end of the 1st date ...and a 3rd date by the end of the 2nd date ...to infinity and beyond.
 
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Crcbonjour is offline Crcbonjour Post #4  March 11,2010, 3:37pm
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I am a woman and feel like I just did something stupid today on the telephone with the guy I have had three dates with. But we went through the entire eHarmony process together, and talked/emailed for 3 weeks before we met so it was a very "magical" first date. It actually "preceded" our PLANNED first date, in an unexpected spontaneously wonderful way.

Last weekend we had an excellent third date, he even brought me to meet his parents. One thing is though, now that he is "dating" me, he's not as religious with the calls/emails, i.e. where I was getting a call & email prior to our meeting, now I get either a call OR an email each day, but never both. And the emails usually leave something to be desired - last night's was PATHETIC.

Back to the dating........today I actually ASKED HIM if we were going to see each other this weekend as it is Thursday and I would like to know by now what my weekend plans are to be like. He called me because I gave an OBVIOUSLY displeased reply to his crappy email. So he wanted to see if I was "mad at him" (he'd emailed me about it too!) and during the conversation, I mentioned the weekend. I saw a man I know today (a friend) and he told me that asking that question makes me sound "desperate" and also like I'm giving it away (I'm not we are waiting for that, mutually discussed it already) and so now I am embarrassed that I did not leave it up to him to suggest us meeting this weekend. I need to know a little more from him that he is interested. It's not like his emails are so expressive or emotive to me. He just writes "hello" emails and does not tell me anything else. Yes, I know it's early on in our dating history. But he took me home to MEET HIS PARENTS last weekend!! I was shocked by this and thought, well, he must be thinking something if he's bringing me to meet his parents!! Unless he brings every girl he meets to his parents in which case I would think that is weird. Cause that is usually something one waits for awhile, typically.

So as for asking about a date, here it is from a woman who jumped the gun because I guess I was a little over anxious and well basically, had not heard from him and was trying to plan my weekend. I guess by Thursday I should have assumed we weren't seeing each other and just not said anything hence I'd have avoided the embarrassment I now feel and then if he asked me at a last minute type of thing, he'd know he has to give me some little bit of a heads up on a date. It's not a game, it's just common courtesy, I think. He's got a "lot going on right now" too. Well yeah, the whole world has a lot going on right now but if you're interested in seeing someone, you make a little time for someone. Oh and did I mention there is distance involved and so far, I AM DOING ALL THE DRIVING? He initiated contact with me on eHarmony knowing full well where I lived but expresses little or no desire to come up to where I live. Afraid of getting lost.

Just writing this I am getting frustrated. What do you gentleman think of this?
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #5  March 12,2010, 7:41am
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I'm definitely going to see how things go tomorrow night.

As long as things are going well I'll broach the subject of the next date at the end of the evening.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  March 12,2010, 10:15am
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At the end of any date I will try and set up the next date. Maybe not the details but at least that I will be seeing them again on a certain day. It really does not matter if it is at the end of the 1st date or the 100th (of course I have never gotten nearly that far).
 
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EmergencyNurse is offline EmergencyNurse Post #7  July 21,2010, 4:54am
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Oh and did I mention there is distance involved and so far, I AM DOING ALL THE DRIVING? He initiated contact with me on eHarmony knowing full well where I lived but expresses little or no desire to come up to where I live. Afraid of getting lost.

Just writing this I am getting frustrated. What do you gentleman think of this?[/quote]


I will say that it would've been more respectful to the OP to post your frustration as a separate thread. But I feel your pain. Learning now that you're the one doing all the driving, I say lose this guy. He doesn't have the common courtesy to meet you half way if not take turns meeting each other in your own neighborhoods. If he's being unfair to you now, imagine down the road. He's a flake. You deserve better.
 
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snakedoc1125 is offline snakedoc1125 Post #8  July 21,2010, 11:26am
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First versus the second date? First date is easier I guess its when you'll be judged.
 
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heartandsoulight is offline heartandsoulight Post #9  September 24,2010, 7:19pm
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shoopthedoop wrote :
Generally speaking, if I've had an enjoyable first date I'll indicate that I'm interested, but not ask for a second date until a day or two later.

I usually wait a few days after first date because there is so much to take in. Physical attraction, mannersims, all the components of 'chemistry'. Some people get overwhelmed on a first date, and I'd much rather wait a few days for them to digest the evening and decide if they'd like to meet again.

On the flip side, I'll ask for a third date towards the end of the second date. You've already met each other and decided there was enough to go on a second date. No where near as much to process as on a first date. If I am enjoying the second date I think that's a good way to end the evening.

I've got date from a unique situation coming up and I'm not sure if I should treat it as a first date, or second date, as I've defined above.

Met a woman on POF about 10 months ago. We advanced to the email stage. I think technically she poofed, but it was only a non-response to one email. I got busy with a number of things and never followed up.

I was at a salsa class a month ago. A group of us went out for snacks/drinks after class. In talking to the group I eventually realized that the woman from POF was one of the people in the class. I emailed her and after exchanging a few emails we set up a date for this coming weekend.

We've got another salsa class coming up for next weekend that we both signed up for. How should I bring this up during the date?

I'll play it by ear, but my plans are to talk about the coming lesson over dinner then ask for the seond date during drinks if things are going well. Having already met in person I think there is a mutual agreement on chemistry so that's why I'm leaning towards treating it more like a second date.

What are your thoughts? Should I treat this as a first or second date in terms of asking for the next date?
I expect an email or phone call the next day. If they wait 3 days, or more, I dump them
 
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