Online dating liars: Why they do it


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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #1  March 5,2010, 1:33pm
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Article off of CNN:

Worried that the 27-year-old man making $70,000 as profiled on an online dating service isn't so young or taking home that much cash?
Chances are he's telling the truth if the site is geared toward long-term relationships.
But if he's lying, he's probably a people pleaser -- the type of person who'd try to put himself in the best light even if you'd found him offline first, according to a University of Kansas researcher.
In professor Jeffrey Hall's survey of 5,020 men and women who belonged to an undisclosed Internet dating site, most respondents indicated they wouldn't lie. But those saying they were most likely to lie generally gave answers to other questions indicating they were people pleasers, or "high self-monitors."
Such people have an acute sense of what others like and control their own behavior accordingly for social ends. Because they want to be liked and fit in, these people, whether online or off, may lie about weight, age, income and interests, Hall said.
"The type of people who misrepresented themselves online is the same type of people who do so face-to-face," Hall, an assistant professor of communication studies and the study's lead author, said by phone Thursday.
In the study, published in the February issue of the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, respondents were asked to rate on a 10-point scale the likelihood that they would misrepresent their education, income, relationship goals, personal interests, weight and age to a potential date online. An answer of 1 indicated "not at all likely;" a 10 indicated "very likely."
"On average, answers were close to around 2 for the most part," Hall said.
Men indicated they were more likely than women to lie in every category except weight, according to the study.
However, the differences between men and women were small, Hall said. For example, men led women 2.01 to 1.83 when it came to lying about education and income. Women led men 3.24 to 2.37 in lying about weight.
The strongest predictor of lying wasn't gender, but high self-monitoring, Hall said.
"Personality makes much more of a difference in how much people lie," he said.
Hall wouldn't name the dating site to which the respondents belonged, but he said that people interested in long-term relationships "tend to be the users that are attracted to this site" and that the site didn't commission the study.
Hall said it added to other research showing that -- particularly for people looking for long-term relationships -- the amount of lying is usually small, because people want an anticipated face-to-face meeting to go well.
"Online daters shouldn't be concerned that most people are presenting a false impression of themselves," Hall said in a news release before Thursday's phone interview. "What influences face-to-face dating influences the online world, too."
The study also was authored by professors Namkee Park of the University of Oklahoma, Hayeon Song of the University of Wisconsin at Milwaukee and Michael Cody of the University of Southern California.

Online dating liars: Why they do it - CNN.com
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #2  March 5,2010, 2:50pm
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...and that's why I have developed a healthy mistrust of people pleasers.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  March 5,2010, 2:54pm
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ami1uwant wrote :
In professor Jeffrey Hall's survey of 5,020 men and women who belonged to an undisclosed Internet dating site, most respondents indicated they wouldn't lie.

Oh, I'm sure that's what they said ...
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #4  March 5,2010, 3:58pm
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thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

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ami1uwant wrote :
"The type of people who misrepresented themselves online is the same type of people who do so face-to-face,"

"Online daters shouldn't be concerned that most people are presenting a false impression of themselves,"
hmmm ...might just be me ...but the first comment is enough of a reason for me to ignore the second comment.
 
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DivorcedDad is offline DivorcedDad Post #5  March 5,2010, 4:01pm
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I think "people pleasers" are often insecure so this really doesn't surprise me.
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #6  March 5,2010, 4:08pm
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DivorcedDad wrote :
I think "people pleasers" are often insecure so this really doesn't surprise me.
Yup. They're generally looking for acceptance and validation, so they will say/do what they think will get them that acceptance, rather than sticking with the truth.

Any time I encounter someone who seems very preoccupied with what other people think of them, or with people's image, that sets of alarm bells for me.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #7  March 5,2010, 6:23pm
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The whole premise is flawed- asking people to tell the truth about how or why they lie.

I'm curious why that guy posts his income on a dating site, true or not.
 
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Jesisi is offline Jesisi Post #8  March 5,2010, 8:19pm
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Thanks for posting this. I really enjoyed reading through the article. My post yesterday on the exact same subject was moved to another discussion board. Thanks!
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #9  March 6,2010, 6:01am
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Interesting article.

I still maintain that many people post things online consistent with how they wish to be, and in some cases, how they perceive themselves to be. It may or may not be what they really are. My 2 cents.

(was that okay that I posted that?)
 
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nunayabizness is offline nunayabizness Post #10  March 6,2010, 9:27am

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I think for most people it comes more from weakness or fear rather than an outright desire to deceive. People have an incredible ability to delude themselves. We have the ability avoid that which we know to be true and replace it with what we believe. People cannot accept the reality that they are old, or fat, or ugly, or unsuccessful, even though deep-down they know they are. Most of the "online dating liars" lie to others, because they are first lying to themselves.
 
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