Does She Want To Go Out With Me Or Not?


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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #1  March 5,2010, 12:55pm
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"Met" a girl from eHarmony (after very nearly wanting to discontinue my membership.) We have been talking on the phone everyday, sometimes several times a day, every night before we go to bed. She seems to really be into me, and I can definitely feel some chemistry. I had asked her out about three weeks ago. OK, the first weekend, she was still wearing a surgical boot and wanted to wait on our date until she got the boot off. OK, that's fine, even though she did go out with her friends that weekend. The next weekend, she was suddenly really sick and her foot was hurting her, but she still was able to go to Lowe's and other large department stores and shop. So, this weekend was supposed to finally be THE weekend (or so I thought.) But, she said she was going to be busy working on her house and just wouldn't have time for our date. Needless to say, I was disappointed. I realize she has a lot on her plate with moving and college, but she did put her profile on eHarmony, so I would assume she felt like she had time for a dating life. Anyways, she tells me that "my life is crazy right now, sorry!" She did go on to say that she still wanted to meet me and that it might be next week or the week after that.

I dunno, I'm kind of feeling put off a bit. I mean, what she tells me are good reasons, but I'm not sure if she really wants to go through with going out on a date with me. I just kind of feel that if you really want to go out with someone, you'll make time despite what's going on in your life...and if what's going on in your life doesn't leave you time for dating then you would not be on a relationship site. Just my opinion. Thoughts?
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #2  March 5,2010, 1:16pm
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Great insight. It does sound like her being so "busy" is somewhat of an excuse. Try backing off a bit. Date others in the meantime.
greg75 wrote :
"Met" a girl from eHarmony (after very nearly wanting to discontinue my membership.) We have been talking on the phone everyday, sometimes several times a day, every night before we go to bed. She seems to really be into me, and I can definitely feel some chemistry. I had asked her out about three weeks ago. OK, the first weekend, she was still wearing a surgical boot and wanted to wait on our date until she got the boot off. OK, that's fine, even though she did go out with her friends that weekend. The next weekend, she was suddenly really sick and her foot was hurting her, but she still was able to go to Lowe's and other large department stores and shop. So, this weekend was supposed to finally be THE weekend (or so I thought.) But, she said she was going to be busy working on her house and just wouldn't have time for our date. Needless to say, I was disappointed. I realize she has a lot on her plate with moving and college, but she did put her profile on eHarmony, so I would assume she felt like she had time for a dating life. Anyways, she tells me that "my life is crazy right now, sorry!" She did go on to say that she still wanted to meet me and that it might be next week or the week after that.
I dunno, I'm kind of feeling put off a bit. I mean, what she tells me are good reasons, but I'm not sure if she really wants to go through with going out on a date with me. I just kind of feel that if you really want to go out with someone, you'll make time despite what's going on in your life...and if what's going on in your life doesn't leave you time for dating then you would not be on a relationship site. Just my opinion. Thoughts?
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  March 5,2010, 1:17pm
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I agree with you.

Maybe she's nervous about meeting, maybe she made a mistake signing up on a dating site and really doesn't have time, whatever.

Sorry! I think you've given it your fair share. Perhaps tell her "the ball's in your court" but don't hang around waiting for her. You seem very nice ... better luck next time!
 
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keri0496 is offline keri0496 Post #4  March 5,2010, 1:24pm
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There could be lots of reasons why she has been putting of your first meeting.

You said she wanted the surgical boot off before you two met, yet went out with friends. That says to me that she wants to look her best for your first meeting and it doesn't really matter what she looks like when she is out with friends.

The other reasons tend to seem a little weak to me, but maybe she is a little overwhelmed with her feelings for you. I'm not saying she's madly in love with you, but if you guys talk multiple times a day, and every night before going to bed, it may be moving too quickly for her. She may be postponing to give herself some time to sort out how she feels about this and in the meantime is taking care of some necessary chores (like Lowes).

I'd just tone it down, go out on some dates with some other women (or just out with friends) and see how things progress.

I'm a firm believer in the quote, "Let there be space in your togetherness" by Kahlil Gibran.
 
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bretagne89 is offline bretagne89 Post #5  March 5,2010, 1:29pm
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There are numerous reasons why she might be putting off meeting you (nerves, lack of time, etc.). It sounds to me like she still wants to meet you in general. If she changed her mind about meeting you entirely, I don't see why she'd stay in contact with you. I wouldn't write her off just yet, but I wouldn't count on her either. Even if you met tomorrow, you may not have a second date until April at this rate!
 
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jcw001 is offline jcw001 Post #6  March 5,2010, 1:38pm
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keri0496 wrote :
You said she wanted the surgical boot off before you two met, yet went out with friends. That says to me that she wants to look her best for your first meeting and it doesn't really matter what she looks like when she is out with friends.

...

I'm a firm believer in the quote, "Let there be space in your togetherness" by Kahlil Gibran.
BOOOOOOOO!

"Let there be space in your togetherness." is taken out of context in this space. I actually think in this selfish day and age it is used as a crutch more than in a development perspective for which it is meant.

People that want to be together will prioritize a meeting. People that want to be together make time for each other.

Look at her actions. She can blow off a meeting with you, but, especially while sick and hurting, can go about normal activities. Her actions tell you that you are not a priority.

You are being kept at a distance. It is more likely than not - not going to get better.

Is that what you really want? That is a choice you have to make.

If you have seen my posts on this board, I am not a "throw the baby out with the bath water" thinker - not by a long shot. In this case, I am.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #7  March 5,2010, 1:42pm
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She's flaky and she doesn't want to meet you that badly. I wouldn't waste any more time on her.

Even though I would want to look my best on a date, even if I had a foot cast thingy (or whatever it was) I would still go (I'd maybe decorate it or something if it showed).
 
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chrysalis08 is offline chrysalis08 Post #8  March 5,2010, 1:51pm
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For whatever reason, she is obviously reluctant to meet you. Who knows why, but she is definitely putting you off. It's easy to talk to someone on the phone, but it means nothing if you haven't met. Maybe she's too nervous to take the next step. If I were you, I'd ask her the next time you talk, if you're talking that regularly. Just ask her if she's feeling reluctant, and let her know that you'd like to understand if she's feeling anxious about it and why. If you get to the bottom of it, great! If not, nothing to lose here from what I can tell.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #9  March 5,2010, 2:05pm
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Yep, keep dating others and cut down on the phone calls with her.

Like you said, if she's on a dating site she needs to make time for dating.

It's amazing how many people find the time to chat on the phone, but not to meet. That's why I cut way down on pre-meet phone time.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #10  March 5,2010, 2:09pm
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jcw001 wrote :
BOOOOOOOO!

"Let there be space in your togetherness." is taken out of context in this space. I actually think in this selfish day and age it is used as a crutch more than in a development perspective for which it is meant.

People that want to be together will prioritize a meeting. People that want to be together make time for each other.

Look at her actions. She can blow off a meeting with you, but, especially while sick and hurting, can go about normal activities. Her actions tell you that you are not a priority.

You are being kept at a distance. It is more likely than not - not going to get better.

Is that what you really want? That is a choice you have to make.

If you have seen my posts on this board, I am not a "throw the baby out with the bath water" thinker - not by a long shot. In this case, I am.

I agree with most of what you are saying.....



but I do think with her having that boot still on her feet is an issue for anew date where it isnt for friends. Its not as if she cant do things....its more of she wants to look her best.

She could be putting him off...sure its possible....for various reasons...unsure of meeting, wanting to look her best, etc.

Just dont wait for her. If she comes calling then she will want to go out with you...she has your number.

Women want to be too perfect and it comes back to bite them.
 
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