Sex on 1st Date. Tell my mom?


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chimerical is offline chimerical Post #1  March 4,2010, 4:16pm
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Okay, to start with, I'm 23. I've only had one long-term relationship (6 months) and in that one, I had sex with him about a month into it. We broke up just after Valentine's Day (he left me, but it was pretty mutual--I'd known for about a month that our relationship wasn't going anywhere...we just didn't mesh).

Now, I'm back in the game. I went on a date with a guy who seemed like he had a lot of potential. We had a multi-hour date and really hit it off, so I went back to his place to "watch a movie," and halfway through it, we were making out on his couch. I have no problem with sex on the first date (or the second, or the third, or whenever), so when he asked if I wanted to take it further, I said yes. I spent the night, he made me breakfast the next morning, and we made plans for our next date.

My problem is, I'm the only person I know who is as laid-back about sex as me. So, I haven't told anyone I know that I had sex with him. I'm worried that my family will judge him--or me--if they know we're having sex. I'm super close to my mom and sister (although I'm currently several states away from them), and when I let it slip that his profile indicated that he wanted an intelligent woman he could hold a conversation with, but was "not looking for a wife right now," they immediately began "cautioning" me that "he's just looking for sex!" and that I should "be careful." I'd like to have a relationship with this guy, but it's fine with me, too, if he just wants sex. Who doesn't like sex? I'm not going to be heartbroken if this thing doesn't go anywhere; I'll just try again. There are plenty of awesome guys out there--and I don't believe in "The One."

So, should I tell my mom the truth? Or my friends? Or should I just discreetly keep living the life I enjoy and tell them to drop the subject? It's not like I'm sleeping with every guy who rounds the bend--I've had 2 partners, total! And yes, we used condoms. So, what do you guys think? (And by the way, he's "not looking for a wife" right now because he not-too-long-ago got divorced from an 8-year marriage, works 40 hours a week, and is finishing up a bachelor's degree, so I don't think he's being unreasonable to want to take things slow.)
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  March 4,2010, 4:27pm
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wrote :
My problem is, I'm the only person I know who is as laid-back about sex as me.
You'll get plenty of support here!

And I'm useless answering your question.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #3  March 4,2010, 4:44pm

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I have never had issues with telling my friends anything I did. They are my friends just because we have different values doesn't mean they are going to hate me for it. It seems to me if they can't be happy for your happiness with your life as it is they aren't the best friends.

Your family, ick, I only have a brother but I have been surprised at what doesn't bother him. Your family may surprise you. My boyfriend lives with me, I thought my dad would flip a nut, he is pretty okay with it since I am happy and apparently he wants me to be happy. Who knew.
 
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Raw_Truth is online now Raw_Truth Post #4  March 4,2010, 4:47pm
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Why the heck can't I find girls like this to date???

My answer is no, it's none of their business no matter how close you are to them.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  March 4,2010, 4:50pm
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That is a very good OP!

Personally, I consider this something I would not tell anyone.

What I do with my partners is between them and me, and is not the business of outsiders.

I might even send your mother some data showing that youthful marriage is associated with a high risk of divorce.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #6  March 4,2010, 4:52pm
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Why do you feel the need to tell them anything? It's your business and if you're OK with it, then what's to tell? As far as any well meaning comments, I would just smile and say thank them for their concern and leave it at that.
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #7  March 4,2010, 4:54pm
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I think you should post it on your wall (Facebook). Might lead to more dates!!!
 
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lemongrass is offline lemongrass Post #8  March 4,2010, 5:04pm
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chimerical wrote :
Okay, to start with, I'm 23. I've only had one long-term relationship (6 months) and in that one, I had sex with him about a month into it. We broke up just after Valentine's Day (he left me, but it was pretty mutual--I'd known for about a month that our relationship wasn't going anywhere...we just didn't mesh).

Now, I'm back in the game. I went on a date with a guy who seemed like he had a lot of potential. We had a multi-hour date and really hit it off, so I went back to his place to "watch a movie," and halfway through it, we were making out on his couch. I have no problem with sex on the first date (or the second, or the third, or whenever), so when he asked if I wanted to take it further, I said yes. I spent the night, he made me breakfast the next morning, and we made plans for our next date.

My problem is, I'm the only person I know who is as laid-back about sex as me. So, I haven't told anyone I know that I had sex with him. I'm worried that my family will judge him--or me--if they know we're having sex. I'm super close to my mom and sister (although I'm currently several states away from them), and when I let it slip that his profile indicated that he wanted an intelligent woman he could hold a conversation with, but was "not looking for a wife right now," they immediately began "cautioning" me that "he's just looking for sex!" and that I should "be careful." I'd like to have a relationship with this guy, but it's fine with me, too, if he just wants sex. Who doesn't like sex? I'm not going to be heartbroken if this thing doesn't go anywhere; I'll just try again. There are plenty of awesome guys out there--and I don't believe in "The One."

So, should I tell my mom the truth? Or my friends? Or should I just discreetly keep living the life I enjoy and tell them to drop the subject? It's not like I'm sleeping with every guy who rounds the bend--I've had 2 partners, total! And yes, we used condoms. So, what do you guys think? (And by the way, he's "not looking for a wife" right now because he not-too-long-ago got divorced from an 8-year marriage, works 40 hours a week, and is finishing up a bachelor's degree, so I don't think he's being unreasonable to want to take things slow.)
no i wont.
ar u sure u ar 23??
at one side u are very mature in the way that 'sex could be just for fun' at other side u re struggling if u should tell your mom; like a little gal...
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #9  March 4,2010, 5:07pm
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ThePriestess wrote :
I think you should post it on your wall (Facebook). Might lead to more dates!!!
Okay, I can vote for a best answer and I vote for this one!
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #10  March 4,2010, 6:27pm
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I think your outlook and conduct is personally just fine, you have it together.

No need to tell anyone what you are doing...
 
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