Was I wrong, what do i do?


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Navigator733 is offline Navigator733 Post #1  February 24,2010, 10:26am
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Recently I finally had a real match who contacted me, and seemed legit (my past two communications were scams who were kicked off my eharmony before I could even respond to their REALLY fake e-mails). She has many pictures which don't look like a supermodel or cut out of a magazine, and are all of the same person. She has good grammar (people who tried to scam me never used capitalization and used poor grammar) and made very good responses to my questions, often typing in her own answers rather than use the prescribed a,b,c,d.

I was flattered that she was communicating so fast, we got to the 3rd step in two days. And she was on at the same ungodly hours that I was. But then when I got my response to my third step, I saw the e-mail said she was in another town. All this time she had been labled as being in Bethlehem, PA (can I list locations with no names? I don't know, sorry). But this one now said she was in Levittown, NY. I paused and wondered why this would be.

So since I could now send her whatever three questions I wished, my third question I typed out was: "You were originally listed as from Bethlehem, PA, but now it lists you as being in Levittown, NY. Is that where you work or did you just recently move? If you could choose to live in one or the other, which would you prefer?" I wanted to know if she was scamming me or if this was legit, and now she hasn't responded since I sent it on the 18th. I even sent a follow up e-mail a few days ago, skipping a step, saying that I was sorry if my questions were too personal, that I assumed she was just moving, and that if she was still interested, I was too. The match is still open on my profile.

I'm afraid that if she is real, that I've scared her away. I don't know. How would you ladies respond if you got a question like that, having recently changed your location? Is she a scam? How could I report it? I feel hurt (overtly sensitive) and it's the first seemingly legit response I've EVER gotten since I started this account back in October, and I've got an account that I think it almost air-tight. Please tell me what you think. I'm dying here.
 
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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  February 24,2010, 3:12pm
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Hi Navigator and welcome to our Community.

I'm sorry this happened to you and has left you frustrated.

Personally a question like that would not scare me away at all.

For now you have placed the ball firmly in her court so it's on her to reply to you. There could be many reasons as to why she has not: being busy with work/home life (especially if she has kids), perhaps another match she was waiting on responded and she's exploring that option, she could be reconsidering dating altogether -- it could literally be anything!

I would give her a few more days to respond and if you don't hear from her you might want to email matchconcerns @ eharmony.com if you suspect she might be a scammer. Our team will look into her account and take action if it's necessary.

Hope this helps -- I'm sure our Community will have more ideas and feedback for you.

Also, you might consider posting your profile in the Using eHarmony forum for feedback from the Community. That will help you know for sure that you're putting your best foot forward with your profile.

Best of luck to you! I'm looking forward to seeing you more around the boards

Best,
Lori
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #3  February 24,2010, 3:18pm
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Hard to tell....Some people do this, and I have thought of doing this is by changing locations in your profile to target certain areas you would be open to move too or felt you could possibly be moving to.

What radius have you been searching?

Its possible she recently relocated to NY and she never gt around to updating her profile until then.

When I started my membership I was living in another area amd then moved my location which likely caused a few people to close my match.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #4  February 24,2010, 3:20pm
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wrote :
How would you ladies respond if you got a question like that, having recently changed your location?
Well, if she has little experience with online dating a question like that might make her wonder, but personally I would have understood why you were asking (the plethora of scammers out there) and answered you.

I'd just leave the match open and start communicating with others before you conclude that was the specific reason that she didnt respond
 
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Lookingandlooking is offline Lookingandlooking Post #5  February 24,2010, 3:30pm
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I agree with Nanette. And don't overanalyze this. In fact, don't analyze it all. It wasn't anything you did.

There could be a million reasons she hasn't replied - so just keep looking!
 
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Raw_Truth is online now Raw_Truth Post #6  February 24,2010, 3:42pm
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Nah, you didn't scare her. Or if you did, she has major insecurity issues (i.e., not your fault).

Likely she hit it off with someone else, and possibly you uncovered yet another fake.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #7  February 24,2010, 3:50pm

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Maybe she's unpacking and too busy to respond.
 
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howardtheduck is offline howardtheduck Post #8  February 24,2010, 4:02pm
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Maybe out of town on business. I never use a corporate asset for personal reasons. Period. Give it a couple more days if you don't hear back by the weekend. Take action and close it down...
 
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Sawyer76 is offline Sawyer76 Post #9  February 24,2010, 4:09pm
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I don't think there was anything wrong with you asking. I can understand your reason for asking the question. It's possible, as others stated, that she wanted to target a different radius and changed her location.

The only thing that makes me think maybe she got a little scared, was the additional questions..did you move, do you work here, where would you perfer to live etc. When I read it, it sort of sounded like I was being bombarded with question after question like you're an investigator. But again, I completely understand why you asked. Maybe in the future though, just say you see the person now has a new location and ask if they just moved. Just my 2cents...dont't think you did anything wrong though. If she is interested, that's not enough to truly scare her away.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #10  February 24,2010, 4:39pm
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Navigator733 wrote :
Please tell me what you think. I'm dying here.
Navigator -- I think you seriously need to relax here. You are putting way too much importance on the success of this one match. You haven't even met her yet.

This is very common for new people to on-line dating to do. eH promises to bring you that perfect match, she seems like she could be the one, and there you are holding your breath, hoping that she'll respond.

It doesn't work that way one bit. We build up a perfect fantasy in our minds based on a profile and a few lines of communication.

You need to keep looking at more matches and stop worrying about this one, because she might be gone for good, and if she is, it might have nothing to do with your questions. People disappear or "poof" all the time with no real explanation apparent. Perhaps her membership expired and she can't respond.

Just leave your match open, and maybe she will eventually respond -- you can always close it in a month or so if you don't hear back on the off chance that she's genuinely busy. In the meantime, send out your requests for communication to your matches -- don't sit around waiting for you matches to contact you, because a good proportion of women won't make the first move.

Edit to add: I think your question was perfectly reasonable, so you were not wrong (per your title question).
Last edited by MelinCali; February 24,2010 at 4:44pm.
 
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