Expecting flowers on Valentine' Day?


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
jessyturtle03 is offline jessyturtle03 Post #1  February 13,2010, 5:25pm
jessyturtle03's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Feb 2010

Posts: 2

See profile

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months now. A couple weeks ago he made a comment about "getting cheaper flowers from proflowers" but made it seem like he being cheap to me. Which I don't understand because he just bought himself a $500 toy.

Then we were visiting my mom last week and he made the comment that I wasn't getting flowers because what he was getting me was a lot better. I didn't say anything to him at this point. I'm just thinking to myself what is better than flowers..on Valentine's day.

Before I got with him I was in a relationship with a woman for 4 years. I had never felt like this with her. We both got each other flowers on V day.. always. And they were always really nice flowers.

Then last Tuesday we were grocery shopping, and you know there are flowers and balloons everywhere reminding us of v day. He decides to I guess ask me if I was expecting flowers on valentines day. What do you say to that??? Then he goes on to say that because what he was getting me was better than "flowers and chocolates." So at that point I just felt weird.. So as we were shopping I asked him, well what would you get your other girlfriends and so on. And he said all different things. So then I told him me and my ex would always just get each other flowers and stuff and then go out for dinner. Then he was like well what do you want for valentines day... So then I was like, I don't think you are suppose to ask someone what they want for valentines day. I think that if you know them and love them you should know or it shouldn’t be that hard.

So I got upset and cried on the way home.. After putting the groceries away we came to the bedroom and talked about why I was upset. The only thing I could think of to say to him is that is seemed like he was being very insensitive. But he explained that he didn’t mean to seem that way and that he just didn’t want me to be disappointed on valentines day. He said that a lot guys just buy flowers and chocolates to get done with it and don't put much thought into it. So I understood his point of view and felt better about the situation.

So mean while I've been wondering.. what is better than "flowers and chocolates" on Valentine's day. Or just flowers... for your first valentines.. So I already kind of thought he was going to buy me my favorite perfume, because I did run out and I saw that he had been looking at some on ebay.. but I knew that if he was looking on ebay he was a little to late to buy it there. The perfume is less than $80.. or I think even less now.. Burrberry London.. So I was like okay, that is probably what he is going to get me.. and no flowers..

So yesterday, he asked me if we could go to SAMs club in the morning so he could get his mom something for valentines day. I was like okay.. So I immediately thought it was pretty weird because.. why sams club? The only thing that I thought of that I was hoping wasn’t it, was that the perfume I wanted was there and way cheaper there. But he doesn’t have a sams card, I do. So I was just hoping he really just wanted to get his mom something there.

So now we are there and we walk pass the jewelry and perfume cases.. he is staring at it as we pass by.. so obviously. Then we get passed the first couple aisles and he states that he has to use the restroom. I was hoping this was true because how was he going to buy the perfume without my sams card? So hoping.. I’m just browsing down the aisles and then decide to take a peek down the way and see him standing there at the counter for perfumes.. I don't know why I was a little upset, so I went down another aisle and just waited. Then a few minutes later I get a text from him asking where I am, then I see him. He is upset saying that this place is stupid, and blah blah.. basically mad because they wouldn’t sell it to him without a sams card. and he tells me this... and he says that I guess I'll just have to get it today and basically ruined my vday gift surprise.. So he then he asked if maybe they would just let him use my card, I almost gave it to him, but I told him I just wanted to leave. So we did.

I don't know why I feel upset about that but I guess to me it just sucks. I'm wondering if I did the right thing. I just feel like why couldn’t he just buy it somewhere else then.. so I wouldn’t know.. I hope someone out there can help me..

I just want flowers, is that too much?
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  February 13,2010, 5:36pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,677

See profile

I have no idea how to usefully reply when all you do is have "expectations" of getting things.

I wonder if his employer is as generous to him as you feel he ought to be to you?

***

If you'd like to exchange gifts, I think it's better to negotiate the parameters beforehand.
Last edited by D_Lion; February 13,2010 at 5:38pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #3  February 13,2010, 5:46pm
singinggirl's Avatar

Jumping back in the pool.

Veteran

Joined: Jan 2008

Tennessee

Posts: 1,875

See profile

It seems to me that you are putting unfair expectations on him. You want him to "just know" what he's supposed to get you. He isn't supposed to ask you what you want because if he loved you enough, he would know what you wanted. But if he gets the wrong thing, he's in trouble again. It sounds to me as if he is in a no-win situation. I think you need to take a step back from this and decide what your intentions really are with this relationship. Are you in it because you care about him and want to be with him or because of the things he can get you?
Last edited by singinggirl; February 13,2010 at 5:47pm. Reason: My fingers are faster than my brain!
 
  Reply With Quote
Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #4  February 13,2010, 5:57pm
Wonderwoman40…'s Avatar

L'Chayim!

Virtuoso

Joined: Jan 2009

Omaha, NE

Posts: 4,495

See profile

I think you're both making too big of a deal about it... him with all his talk about getting you "something better than flowers," and you being upset about how he goes about acquiring said gift.

I don't understand why you didn't just let him borrow your Sams card and make yourself scarce while he purchased "his mom's" gift. That would have been the sweet and sensible thing to do.
 
  Reply With Quote
Nanette is offline Nanette Post #5  February 13,2010, 5:59pm
Nanette's Avatar

~ giving gentle smack-downs... vewy vewy gentle

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 7,451

See profile

I think he is trying really hard to please you. He sits and talks with you (which may have been a strain on a guy, but he did it), then he actually asks you what you want. Then he tries to get it and it didn't work out the way he wanted, so I am sure he was frustrated with that.

I would not bring up the topic again with him, and as a stranger I am telling you that you need to be happy, genuinely happy and grateful for whatever he gives to you, if he even gives you anything.
 
  Reply With Quote
ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #6  February 13,2010, 6:42pm
ami1uwant's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Feb 2008

Seattle, WA

Posts: 4,638

See profile

It is a no win situation for him.

Personally i hate V-Day (they baby V-birth going through my mind) . Giving flowers is forced.

Now you are expecting something from him which is another factor.

You seem to be the type that if he doesnt get the right gift its a no win. Sounds as ifyou will complain because he got you cheap flowers.

I dont know if he has had relationships before on V-day so he may not be used to getting gifts and where he can get them.

If I was him and I saw this stuff from you in expecting certain items from me...I would get you nothing.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  February 13,2010, 6:55pm
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

I think that you should go back to dating women. Then maybe they will understand that you want flowers on Valentines Day.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  February 13,2010, 7:02pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,677

See profile

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
I think that you should go back to dating women. Then maybe they will understand that you want flowers on Valentines Day.

And may read such a huge post.
 
  Reply With Quote
peg099 is offline peg099 Post #9  February 13,2010, 7:06pm
peg099's Avatar

Sage

Joined: Sep 2008

Canada

Posts: 12,516

See profile

jessyturtle03 wrote :
So then I was like, I don't think you are suppose to ask someone what they want for valentines day. I think that if you know them and love them you should know or it shouldn’t be that hard
Expecting someone to be able to read your mind is the kiss of death for a relationship. He is actually showing you he cares enough to get you something that's not cliche. You are not showing that you care about him at all.

Shouldn't Valentine's be about both people expressing that they care?
 
  Reply With Quote
DrTonya is offline DrTonya Post #10  February 13,2010, 7:15pm
DrTonya's Avatar

Current birthday pic...atrophy and all but just happy I can share! :)

Enthusiast

Joined: Dec 2009

Oklahoma

Posts: 525

See profile

I agree with everyone else here that it sounds as if you are being very hard (and very ungrateful) on your bf. If any guy I was with took care to notice what perfume I even wore, nevermind that I was out of it, I would be thrilled! Look how thoughtful that was - and it is not something that will die in a few days like flowers. Five months is not all that long to be dating someone - yet twice you mentioned in your post the "cost" of the gifts - once when you said he could get cheaper flowers on proflowers and the other when you threw in that your perfume was "only" $80.

You need to truly revisit what Valentine's Day is about. Contrary to what you may believe, it is NOT about the gifts you receive - it is a day to show how much you love someone (which *should* happen every day, but that is besides the point). Focus on your feelings for your bf and not what you are "getting" as a gift.

By the way, what are you planning on getting him? Anything? Valentine's Day is not all about what men do for women, ya know. Like in any relationship, reciprocity should be present.

Do not mean to sound harsh, but this is not the first post on this topic today - women talking about "expectations" of what they believe they *should* be getting on a Hallmark holiday.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Should I tell him? | Dating | I want to be able to just enjoy...without thinking too much »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Should I Send Her Flowers???? rmb83 Ask a Dating Expert 9 February 13,2010 7:29pm
got flowers for the first time ever! Andrea8823 Dating 11 January 23,2010 5:19pm
Bring flowers on a first date MitkoPitko Ask a Dating Expert 11 September 18,2009 6:03pm
Well I got her the flowers it was good now what AMFC3030 Dating 13 June 24,2009 12:37pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Come on, just because the guy is old and hasn't dated doesn't make him a toad. Lots of people have divorced and not dated in years due to job, kids, or whatever. You said he seemed nice. Maybe he is ... ” –  Altair

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“No, you have missed the point entirely. (Which is again evidence that raising children is far easier than most things.) Only a tiny fraction of motivated, able people succeed in reaching space. ... ” –  scubaroo

Join the “who pays?” discussion

“You need to try harder ... cus harder is always mo bettah!” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Friday Night Roll Call !!! Sweaty Summer Fun edition!” discussion

“I went hunting the other day and I bagged a deer.” –  myusernamehere

Join the “Good News” discussion

“Well, I'd start by trying to learn the reason. If he doesn't like "desk jobs," or respect corporations for perceived ethics, then maybe an entreprenurial venture is more his style? If he simply ... ” –  D_Lion

Join the “How to motivate a person?” discussion

“How to be happy with him? Chicks dig firefighters ...” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Ways to motivate him?” discussion

“Hi Suzanne, please see comments below in red. Overall, you seem to be a deep, sensitive and spiritual person. You have interesting hobbies and occupations. Remember there are hundreds and thousands ... ” –  SearchingHoping

Join the “Seeking review of my profile: 52 yr old woman, Pittsburgh area” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 9:19pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0