Why does Serial Dating have such a bad rap?


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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #11  January 25,2010, 9:04pm

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GEF2 wrote :
PY_2


Yep. My thoughts exactly! PY-At least we have something in common

My .02
[/quote]

It's a start...
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #12  January 25,2010, 10:21pm
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I see no problem with seeing/meeting multiple guys at the same time. I don't want to date a bunch of guys at once (juggling... decided it wasn't for me, I'm just not that tallented). But I don't want to ignore that great match just because I happened to reach OC first with someone else.

I expect the guys I meet to be meeting others as well. The funny thing is, most tell me I am the only one that responded or said yes to meeting them in person.

I find that odd considering all the women I know complain that they don't get asked out. Some of these women have online profiles as well. Am I the only serious female dater in my county?

One more thing.

If I waited to figure out if I liked one guy before meeting another, it would take me years to meet more than a handful of guys. I may not be a juggler, but I can multitask quite well!
Last edited by AndieIsMe; January 25,2010 at 10:36pm.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #13  January 25,2010, 11:01pm
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I look at serial dating as someone who isnt serious about dating with the goal of looking for soemone and someone just looking to have a good time.

I prefer someone who is a little more serious about looking for that special someone. Them dating multiple people isnt an issue as long as they are seriously looking. If not then be up front andsay so.

Its called a "serial" dater for a reason.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #14  January 25,2010, 11:08pm
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AndieIsMe wrote :

I expect the guys I meet to be meeting others as well. The funny thing is, most tell me I am the only one that responded or said yes to meeting them in person.

I find that odd considering all the women I know complain that they don't get asked out. Some of these women have online profiles as well. Am I the only serious female dater in my county?
That is the problem.....women will complain that they cant find a guy to ask them out really means they cant find a guy to ask them out who they think going in is their dream catch.

Its just when I have heard women say I cant find that great guy and you want to scream "I am right here !!!"

Many women tend to be very hesitant in meeting online for whatever reason. I think its the stereotypical fear of meeting online when in reality meeting someone in a bar really isnt any different (yet they still sleep with them that night).
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #15  January 26,2010, 1:18am
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RoxyRedhead wrote :
What else can you call it..

.. called serial dating as though it's akin to a serial killer.

Is it the phrase that sets people off?

Let me be clear-I'm not talking about serial sexual partners here-but simply dating.

I was called a 'serial dater' in a PM as though it was a Very Bad Thing. I don't really care what the person said, but I'm curious why it is supposed to be such an evil act.
ami1uwant wrote :
Its called a "serial" dater for a reason.
It's messy, that's why.




Last edited by 6dle899; January 26,2010 at 1:21am.
 
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Rainfallgirl is offline Rainfallgirl Post #16  January 26,2010, 2:44am
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I read a book entitled Turn Your Cablight On and it encouraged women to serial date. Due to the fact that this really is a numbers game you need to plough through as many men as possible and as efficiently and objectively as possible so that you can find the one you are looking for.
The author of the book recommended you spend 15 of hours every week actively hunting for men and putting yourself into positions where you would meet men and then securing dates with them. She also required you go on at least one date a week, regardless of who it was with.
I liked the book and although I did not follow the plan very well (I think it would help a lot if someone lived in a large city) it really helped me to detach emotionally from the process and look at it a lot more objectively which was really helpful. I became much more conscious of the process as a result. The author of the book is Nancy Slotnick. I found it helpful.
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #17  January 26,2010, 3:05am
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RoxyRedhead wrote :
Is it the phrase that sets people off?
For me it isn't the idea of multi-dating... it's the intention of the person out doing the dating around.

If someone is dating multiple people as a means of getting to know them better, with the honest and genuine intention of finding the *right* person to build and develop a relationship with, the term 'serial dater/ing' doesn't really seem to apply, in my opinion.

However, if someone is out dating just for the fun of dating and NOT looking for long term, not looking for committed and rather more interested in who they can date "just for the moment", (short term, temporarily) continuously going through (person after person) that they're dating... and their intention is to do just that, that's when I think "serial dater/ing".

Sometimes also, there are those with the supposed intention of finding long term and committed, but, (I think it was PY who mentioned??) their laundry list of mh/cs's is soooo long that it would be nearly impossible for most 'regular' people to ever compare & match it... and so they'll just endlessly date because they can't find someone who fits their incredibly high standards. This is another type of serial dater, imo.

I'd say it's the people that fall into the latter 2 categories that give the term the 'bad rap'. It's also usually those falling into these categories that aren't the most upfront about what their intentions w/ dating are either (shrug)
 
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Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #18  January 26,2010, 3:21am
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RoxyRedhead wrote :
What else can you call it..dating man after man after man, or several men at a time, is called serial dating as though it's akin to a serial killer...
Goosh, I'm exhursted just reading it

Reminds of the that seductive saloon song done by Madeline Kahn in Blazing Saddles:

"Tired, tired of playing the game. Ain't it a freakin' shame. I'm so? Let's face it. Everything below the waist is ka-put."

Such a shame that the only way to met the boy or gal of our dreams is the keep circulating. they ain't gunna drop down the chimmny.

But on multible dating ... I'm not so good at saying no, so tend to go out with who ever aks me. Oddly, no one asks or seems to care if I go out with anyone else. I don't suppose i say "and by the way ..." at 1st, 3rd date, etc. Why? I've no idea if they'll hang around, themselves.

I tell them if they ask; i certainly intimate suh without naming names (my own business). then again, I'm not above mentioning to romantic interest A that I went ot with B, D etc. Sometimes makes A pursue more; sometimes not.

One thing I'm sure of, those I tend to take an interest in have strong fellings if they feel I've jilted some sister. So a) they give me short shift, and b) they side with their faternal sister.

Thus, multibale dating doesn't/ can't cause bothers. Plus, I tend to stear away from anyone who no one else feels is interesting. I assume woman are they same. Would go out with someone that no one else would?
Last edited by Fleuellen; January 26,2010 at 4:38am.
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #19  January 26,2010, 4:06am
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ami1uwant wrote :
I look at serial dating as someone who isnt serious about dating with the goal of looking for soemone and someone just looking to have a good time.

I prefer someone who is a little more serious about looking for that special someone. Them dating multiple people isnt an issue as long as they are seriously looking. If not then be up front andsay so.

Its called a "serial" dater for a reason.
I'd fall in this camp too. It's certainly true that most people have to date a number of people before finding "the one," but there also has to come a point where relationships need to develop rather than just first date after first date. It would give me pause for thought to get involved with someone that has limited relationship experience. It certainly wouldn't be a deal breaker, but I would wonder if they're really picky or flaky or whatever.
 
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souxieque is offline souxieque Post #20  January 26,2010, 4:57am

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I havent had this come up becaus I just had one bf for a long time, Roxie but I think I understand what u are saying with this post. First it sounds weird and sort of like ur not serious about the boy.

But then I think ur right because if u dont look around and meet more people you dont know if you will be going out with the person that is the best one for you. I have hard time saying what I mean here..sorry sorry!!!!!!!

I dont think you are just going out to go out but because u are interest in making sure u have the attracting to the right boy..and how do you know that unless you go out w/ them.

Oh man-this make me do the snake brain agian. How come dating is confuse to me so much?

I am glad I swaid NO to the date I was asked for last week!!!!!!!!
 
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