bbw sites... good for long-term relationships?


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reenz is offline reenz Post #1  January 22,2010, 10:20pm
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Hi all. I know the topic of weight has been an issue commonly discussed on these boards. I am a significantly overweight myself... at 5'2" and 190 pounds. I transitioned to a vegan diet a few years ago, and was trying to find a guy with similar dietary habits. I also have adopted a more active lifestyle, working out 3-4 days per week. I'm not at all suggesting that I have myself completely on track, as I still struggle with stress eating and hormonal issues that are unfriendly to my weight. But I'd still say I'm pretty health-conscious. However, most guys I meet with a similar lifestyle to mine are pretty lean themselves and aren't interested in a fat girl. I've expressed romantic interest in a few men who thought I was highly attractive when I was slimmer, and are interested in being friends, but don't have any romantic interest in me as they can't accept me as I am at my present weight. A few of these guys (who I started out as friends with) did end up dating me for several months as they liked me for who I was and thought I was 'cute'.... but we never got around to the commitment stage as they were too uncomfortable about my weight to take things further. They just got involved in my life as they were lonely and wanted me to fill in the gap until they found someone else (unbeknown to me at the time). And yes, the few men in my life that I've been involved with were all slim and/or athletic. But that was no excuse to play around with my emotions... I deserve much better.

After putting myself out there a few times, only to get badly rejected due to my weight... I am wondering if I should put up a profile on a BBW site to find men who will like me for who I am and not be hung up on my weight. After the past devastating rejections from men I really cared for, I have decided that I'm no longer willing to be with men who are ambivalent about me as I only want to give my time to those seriously into me.

I am a member of eharmony and will continue to be... I am merely wondering if I should also subscribe to a BBW site in addition. The only issues are that I am not looking for a man who has a sexual fetish for fat women (which I fear that non-obese men on 'big, beautiful people' sites may be). I am looking to find a life partner, and I am conservative in my values in that I am hoping to not engage in pre-marital sex. Furthermore, someone who only likes fat women may not be attracted to me if I LOST weight... which I am trying to do as I continue to be active and improve my dietary habits. Taking things even further, I am open to dating a man who is overweight himself as long as he is on a similar path as I am (such as being active, and vegan or almost vegan). It's just really hard to find people like this though. For all these reasons, I suspect me being on a BBPeople site may not be all that fruitful for finding a compatible life partner... although I confess I am flattered at all the new mail I'm getting which doesn't happen to me on most dating sites.

Any suggestions? I haven't paid for the site yet, but am considering it. Would you recommend BBW sites as a place to find guys (looking for a life partner, not sex) who would appreciate me as I am... or does this just seem like a fruitless approach? Thanks!
Last edited by reenz; January 22,2010 at 11:14pm.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #2  January 22,2010, 10:32pm
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Sheesh, I think you could be on the right track here. Your just opening up other options. Smart girl. Just stay focused on what you want so you dont get caught up in any side line activity. Give it a try. Why not? And you better keep us updated if you do.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #3  January 22,2010, 11:55pm
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Hi There,

Very interesting question. I wouldn't know the answer lol. But what I'll say is this ~ if you are able to communicate and follow thru on the BBW site to set up a few dates....

then why pay for it now? Give it a go without payign and see if the predominant expectation from a BBW site is "fetish" over "relatoinship".....

then if it fits with your needs... then pay. (But if you have to pay to set up dates.. then whynot go with the minimum committment first and do the above "try out" first?)

Good luck to you!!!

Richey
 
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dwreese182 is offline dwreese182 Post #4  January 23,2010, 3:08am
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Umm, what is a BBW site?
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #5  January 23,2010, 3:33am
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dwreese182 wrote :
Umm, what is a BBW site?
It's a dating site for "Big Beautiful Women"
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  January 23,2010, 5:38am
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There are several things in your post that raise questions in my mind.

1. You mention hormonal issues that cause you to be heavy. Have you talked to a medical professional about this to get you weight down?

2. You say you get rejected because of your weight. Did they say that it was because of your weight or is that just something that you have in your head?

3. You say you are working on loosing weight and adopting a more healthful lifestyle. So the question would be, if you join a BBW site and you start dating a guy who likes you as you are today what is he going to do when you get to a weight / height ratio that is considered normal for a 5'2" female?

Unless you plan on staying roundy then joining a BBW dating site is going to lead to lead to disappointment down the road when you have slimmed down or dating guys who will be pushing to defeat the diet and lifestyle changes that you are trying to make. Also, just as a wild guess I suspect that guys on BBW sites don't hang out at the gym EVER and are probably not Vegans.
 
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SweetKatieA is offline SweetKatieA Post #7  January 23,2010, 10:58am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
There are several things in your post that raise questions in my mind.

1. You mention hormonal issues that cause you to be heavy. Have you talked to a medical professional about this to get you weight down?

2. You say you get rejected because of your weight. Did they say that it was because of your weight or is that just something that you have in your head?

3. You say you are working on loosing weight and adopting a more healthful lifestyle. So the question would be, if you join a BBW site and you start dating a guy who likes you as you are today what is he going to do when you get to a weight / height ratio that is considered normal for a 5'2" female?

Unless you plan on staying roundy then joining a BBW dating site is going to lead to lead to disappointment down the road when you have slimmed down or dating guys who will be pushing to defeat the diet and lifestyle changes that you are trying to make. Also, just as a wild guess I suspect that guys on BBW sites don't hang out at the gym EVER and are probably not Vegans.
So she should just give up until she eventually gets to be whatever weight society deems her to be "acceptable"? I think that sucks personally. And not all guys who think voluptious women are hot are round themselves. I'm not a stick myself and I've dated quite a few hotties with six packs (the non drinking kind.. the kind you want to drink off of) thank you very much. I say that you go with your bad self. Keep up on the eH thing, try out the BBW thing as Richey said (he's a smart guy) see if you like it. Keep going for your weight goals to make yourself feel better about yourself. Someone will eventually love all of you... heck, even skinny girls are lonely. Imagine that
 
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FruitaBu is offline FruitaBu Post #8  January 23,2010, 11:56am
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I don't know anything about bbw sites. I would encourage you to try it and see what happens. Couldn't hurt? If finding a relationship is important to you then approaching it through many avenues seems like good time management to me.

Also want to compliment you on your positive attitude toward your weight and health. It shows determination to work on yourself to be not just "thin", but healthy. Sounds like you are on a good path and I wish you luck!
 
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reenz is offline reenz Post #9  January 29,2010, 5:10pm
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Hello all. Well it's been 6 days since I posted my profile to the 'bbw' site, and I thought I'd give you my update. I've had 47 views to my page on that site, and out of that 15 men have expressed interest in me. Although I clearly mentioned things in my profile about me being vegan, active, into yoga, not into pre-marital sex, etc... not one of the 15 people who expressed interest in me seemed to have very much in common with me. I can only wonder if they just looked at my picture and expressed interest, especially as I got a number of vague 'flirt' messages without any sort of personalized response about why someone liked my profile. I tried to search through the site's filters to find someone on there who matched certain specifications of mine... but didn't get any matches.

While the first day of getting lots of 'flirts' was ego-boosting, six days later it's starting to get rather annoying. I think deep down we all want to be liked for our individual qualities and not just objectified for our outside appearance. Luckily I only paid for one month on the site, but after 6 days I am already starting to think this endeavor was a big flop. I think I am already just about ready to pull myself off that site. Even though I only get about 2-3 men per year express interest in me on eharmony (with almost none going to OC), the quality of the matches on here are a million times better.

Thanks so much to those who responded... I appreciate the responses, and will respond directly to some of the posts in a bit.
Last edited by reenz; January 29,2010 at 5:15pm.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #10  January 29,2010, 7:03pm
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Awww Reeenz.. I'm sorry to hear that it didn't go so well One of the reasons I came to EH is for that very reason ~ didn't seem like any other sites really had any substance behind it yanno?

And of course, anybody that comes to EH has really high hopes only to be disappointed that there's a quite a bit of similar stuff happening here.

BUT... if you can hang in there and get through that stuff, I do think there is atleat a real chance to find somebody here b/c there are still a few people out there who are trying to be honest and give it a real shot here. Hang in there ok?

KATIE: dang it. i don't know if I'm liking this "smart" reputation ya'll keep complimenting me with. I want somebody to describe me as a "drink off of" type too (I know I have a mind.. but I'm also a PIECE OF MEAT you know!) LOL

Richey
 
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