Should I Simply Forget It And Move On...Or Question The Obvious Cop Out?


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RocklinGirl82 is offline RocklinGirl82 Post #1  January 16,2010, 1:06am
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Last edited by RocklinGirl82; December 4,2010 at 6:47pm.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  January 16,2010, 2:18am
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I don't see the cop out. He told you pretty flat out, even if nicely, that you are not exclusive, that he is not interested anymore and has other priorities in his life that do not involve you and that you should move on but he hopes you'll both remain civil to each other.

I really don't see how it would make you feel better if he was nasty about it. I mean if you want to leave with a bang and drama by all means call him and get into an ugly fight. If not, I would say move on with dignity in tact. Either way you are in the same spot - game over.
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #3  January 16,2010, 2:55am
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You benefit nothing from pushing for more of an explanation from him.

Whether he's given you his real reasons or not doesn't change the fact that he's ended things.

So wasting emotional energy on him only prevents you from moving on and finding someone else who will be there for you.

Life is short, don't waste anymore time on him.
 
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savvythehun is offline savvythehun Post #4  January 16,2010, 4:42am
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i agree with the other posters - and just b/c you want something, doesn't mean that you can have it or even should have it....
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  January 16,2010, 5:04am
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RocklinGirl82 wrote :
Which, honestly, I think is a cop-out. Seriously, no matter how busy your personal life is, if you truly care about someone you make time for them.

You don't know what you're talking about.

Employment, education, and any income-producing or expense-avoidance activities are not one's "personal life." (You would be.)

If something has occurred, is occuring, or is foreseen to occur such that he will simply not have time, energy, or funds to devote to dating, then his comment is not unreasonable. (A better comment would have been to quantify the burden(s), state his preference, and let you choose, but it is not at all rare for people not to speak that way.

The rest of your post, with the extreme negativity and assumptions, are sufficient reasons to leave you anyway, though.

I think you need to work on why you react that way?

As for this fellow, if you do wish to maintain a relationship, I would ask for clarity around what his constraints are, and some specific detail about what his availability is likely to be. If you do not wish a relationship, just walk away.
 
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Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #6  January 16,2010, 5:30am
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Sometimes when you 'get dumped' it seems like the only way to get over it is to have the definitive answer as to why, but even if we truthfully sort through all the reasons it is almost impossible to pinpoint why it is not working for us. I think the answer is simply: You just don't do it for him. He could give you a list of reasons if he wanted but none of them would be the whole picture because it is more than a word thing - it is a feeling thing and feelings can be almost impossible to put into words completely. It's not going to be easy to stop thinking about him, stop wanting him, stop missing him. But it gets easier if you stop talking about him, writing about him, trying to contact him. Fill your life with all the other wonderful things you love.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #7  January 16,2010, 6:17am
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Cop out? He told you very clearly in guy speak that he isnt interested.

Let it go and start dating others
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #8  January 16,2010, 6:21am
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wrote :
So anyway...my question this time is: should I "let" him get away with this obvious cop out? I simply would like to know what is going on in his mind.
I also think letting him just walk away with everything supposedly fine & dandy makes it too easy for him to be a jerk.

I just don't think he should be "allowed" to cop out and expect everyone to just accept it and take it.
Sometimes a guy needs to stand up and be a man and have the courage to say straight up what is really going on.
These are all excellent reasons to not overinvest in a guy before you are sure of his intention toward you.

The best reaction is to move on without a single solitary WORD. Never ever talk to him again. Ever.
 
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Gumbee is offline Gumbee Post #9  January 16,2010, 6:31am
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He broke up with you without actually using the words, "I'm breaking up with you". What more needs to be said? If you press, it will just turn ugly. For your own sake, let it go.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  January 16,2010, 7:24am
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Nanette wrote :
These are all excellent reasons to not over-invest in a guy before you are sure of his intention toward you.

The best reaction is to move on without a single solitary WORD. Never ever talk to him again. Ever.
The same argument can be said to guys. Don't over-invest in the girl.

Of course the downside is that we may never connect with each other because neither is going to invest any time or emotion into the other.
 
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