Asked for a second date - received strange reply


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joeyjoe is offline joeyjoe Post #1  January 14,2010, 8:24pm
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Called the match I saw on Monday today and it went to her VM. To ensure this one got my message I even emailed her through eharm to confirm. Within an hour she replied saying can't on Saturday cause she's babysitting her sister's daughter. The sister is a single mom and wanted to have a night off or something. Anyway, then she went into why she was babysitting the kid. Which is fine. No qualms with that. I replied back how about Sunday? Up for something on Sunday?

So far, no reply. And surprisingly, she e-mailed this to me instead of calling me back. Weird as I thought everything went well on Monday. We had drinks for 3 or 4 hours (I had 2 she had 3). Of course I paid. She was laughing and touching the whole time. I felt a connection so I offered to drive her home (it was on the way). She said yes. No silent moments in the car. Said I think we have a good connection at the end of the date, she agreed. Kissed me on the cheek and left my car.

Confused to the max here.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #2  January 14,2010, 8:27pm
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I would back off & ask her after the weekend about one specific day to some specific place that you want to go.
 
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joeyjoe is offline joeyjoe Post #3  January 14,2010, 8:30pm
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No doubt. Thought waiting a couple of days was a good thing though. Not going to send anything else. Just thought it was weird. Just erie.
 
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amysnaps is offline amysnaps Post #4  January 14,2010, 8:37pm
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Be patient, she could be busy, she could just be figuring things out. Sounds like she likes you though. She might have got caught up in other things and never realized that she hadn't replied. Also, keep in mind- she could have another date and doesn't want to make things awkward and tell you that. If you just met (and she's still logging into her eH) than that is very possible. Give her a little space, and she'll probably respond.

Basically, dont get discouraged, but don't get too hung up on it either!
 
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richey is offline richey Post #5  January 15,2010, 10:01am
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Okay, I hate to put a "rule" up (since I'm against rules lol), but usually if a girl is interested, she will offer an alternative date she can go out with you if she's bailing. She didn't do this so I'm not thinking it's looking promising at this stage.

It is curious since she gave a lot of positive "green light" signs. however, some people are like that and give "green lights" even if they aren't interested. Sucks, but it is out there with some people.

Give it atleast a week or two and see if she contacts you and provides an alternative date to get together. If not, it dosn't hurt to try one more time in a week or two and see what happens.

Good luck.
Richey
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #6  January 15,2010, 10:30am
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Explaining why she has to babysit doesn't have to mean anything more than that she really wanted you to understand that she's in a bind on that day, and replying by email rather than phone may be nothing more than not wanting to feel confronted, reasonable enough if she's not saying yes.

Don't take this the wrong way Joe but i've noticed in your threads a tendency to jump to the worst interpretations and conclusions faster than a cabbie leaning on his horn when the light goes green.
I'd say just take a deep breath and repeat the mantra "C'est la vie" while getting on with whatever you have to get on with, she'll call or she won't, if she does then great, if she doesn't then c'est la vie.
 
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Choc_Chip is offline Choc_Chip Post #7  January 15,2010, 10:45am
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I'd agree that she likes you and enjoys your company. She might need more time to think about if she wants to go out a 2nd time and how she sees you romantically. She's mostly likely interested but testing the waters slowly. Don't give up hope, just give her some time. Some people like to feel that instant spark while others give it a 2nd date or more. She said you have a good connection. It might mean just good, not super great. Depending with how much enthusiasm it's said. Still it's still a good start.

You didn't mention your date's age range. If she's young and has not been dating much, you'd need to give her some more space. Don't call and then email the same day. If she senses a little desperation that'll probably put her off. Call her back in 3-4days. Wait for her to call you back. If no call back within a week, then she probably made up her mind.

I'm in my mid 20s and started dating later than others in my social pool. I've been on dates where just like your date I felt a good connection but still had doubt in my mind if I wanted to go out on a 2nd date (some people call that real 1st date if the first meeting was just a short one). If I have a doubt I most likely will go and give the guy another chance, chances are people are more nervous the first meeting. But in doing so also worry that I'm giving off the wrong signals that I really really like him. I tend to like people more the more I get to know them.
 
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joeyjoe is offline joeyjoe Post #8  January 15,2010, 11:21am
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Yea, well when I heard that line and that she'd e-mail me over calling me back, I knew it was dead. Especially, when she did not give an alternative, I noticed that too. Gave it another shot for Sunday, and she got back to me in the early morning. Said I really had a blast but did not feel the chemistry connection. Hmm, talk about mixed singles. Let's review, shall we:

1) Met at the place
2) She ordered 3 drinks (over four hours) to keep the conversation going
3) Smiling and laughing, touchy touchy (me to her as well)
4) Never a dull or silent moment.
5) Offered to drop her off at her home, she accepted.

I've had bad dates, but nothing here eluded a bad date. Plus, the girl who called me while I was on the date, I didn't get back to, so she closed me too. Gez, lost two on one day.

Usually a bad date lasts an hour or so, as both or one of us wanted to get out of there. Even when it was approaching 11:00 PM, she said you up for one more drink, said sure.

Hence, this is why it is amazingly nearly impossible to read certain girls. I also think, not always, not just think, when they reach a certain age, their requirements get higher. She was 37 and never been married or in a really long relationship. Guess she's holding out for Capt. America or something.


gothustartus, yea, I am a realist. Always look at the plain facts and try not to over hypothesize on anything. You know the saying, prepare for the best and expect the worst. I find the let down doesn't hurt as much.
 
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qt_py is offline qt_py Post #9  January 15,2010, 12:18pm

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She may be one of those people who date multiple people at the same time and this is her way of telling you to get back in line and wait your turn.

If you're ok with this, then continue waiting for her reply but be prepared to wait a long time.

Personally, I would be like... "whatever", and continue looking for other matches.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #10  January 15,2010, 12:29pm
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joeyjoe wrote :
gothustartus, yea, I am a realist. Always look at the plain facts and try not to over hypothesize on anything. You know the saying, prepare for the best and expect the worst. I find the let down doesn't hurt as much.
I agree with gothustartus--your posts present a cynical view, not one of a realist. You seem to expect the worst, but I see no positive at all. Maybe your posts don't accurately depict how you are IRL, but if any of this does come through on a date, in a phone call or VM message (in your words or tone), it explain some of the strange interactions you are perceiving from your matches.
 
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