Asked for a second date - received strange reply


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jayhawkgirl is offline jayhawkgirl Post #31  January 16,2010, 7:17am
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gothustartus wrote :
I thought that saying was the other way around.

Seriously though Joe, the vibe here isn't realism but rather pessimism, "I know that she's of course not interested, so i'll kill it in my head first and won't be a let down when she drops the hammer."
I agree with gothusstartus: you have it backwards. You should be expecting the best, but preparing for the worst. You're expecting the worst and even if you don't think it shows, it probably does, in some subtle way. You just can't cover up an attitude like that.

I had a first date once with a guy whose profile indicated some of the things he was "most thankful for" were his "positive attitude" and his "optimism." Yet, at the end of what I thought was a good date he said, "I don't suppose I should bother calling you again." He said it with a smile, like he was kind of joking, but to me it showed pessimism and lack of confidence.

Self-deprecating humor can sometimes work, but only if it's not actually covering up a pessimistic attitude and a lack of confidence.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #32  January 16,2010, 9:53am
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joeyjoe wrote :
Nah, I am not negative in real life. Always told that I am nice, sweet, caring, and genuine. Which, I am. Online, I switch personas.
Nice, sweet and caring don't necessarily mean that people aren't getting a negative vibe, those are often used as sugar coating because who wouldn't want people to see them that way?
But even if you're not giving off negative vibes, if you're not giving enough positive ones to really make an impact then it amounts to the same thing.
I'm often described as sweet, charming, funny, but that doesn't really mean anything more than that i was articulate for a few hours, sure they're compliments but they're not enough without a wow factor to weaken the knees, i didn't put her off but didn't really turn her on either.

Date length is a bit misleading as to how well the date went too, sure a long date is better than a short one, but sometimes it just means being thorough and taking a while to really dig around for answers rather than writing it off when they don't jump out and scream "Boo!!!" Ok, i guess it can be annoying if you're paying and see it as a bad investment when it doesn't pay off, but hell, it was only three or four drinks to lubricate the process, it's not like she drank the place dry on your dime, surely you were expecting to pay more than that no matter how it went?
 
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