The Whole Dating Process is HARD!!


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
jussmile is offline jussmile Post #1  January 14,2010, 6:59pm
jussmile's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Dec 2009

Seattle

Posts: 3,837

See profile

Okay, I'm just convinced that there's no winning in the dating process. It's just hard, plain and simple. Sure, all of your hard work might pay off, and you might meet some wonderful guy/gal, but, the process itself, and the steps to getting there is just difficult. I'm not necessarily talking about the rules of dating, or what you do, what you're not supposed to do. But, there's just so much to think about, even if you're just being yourself, the whole getting to know one another process, going through one person, finding there's no chemistry for you , then you like someone else, and there's no chemistry for them ...

Part of me feels like dating is not something that is natural and that you're supposed to do when you get older. When I was younger, before I got married, the whole thing just seemed really easy, like it just worked. Sure, there was first love heartbreache and all of that. But, I'm talking about the really impactful stuff that matters as you get older, just didn't matter back then. Now, there's so much to juggle, and dating can almost get in the way. Not to mention the stress over, am I seeing this person enough, am I not seeing them enough, should I make sure to weare make-up each time, or let him see me natural, whatever. Just hard stuff I tell you!!!

It's just hard... I don't think I'm asking a question, just making a statement. Maybe it's just me, and I've not even been in the dating world that long. Just seems like it's okay to get to a point where you say it's not worth it. I don't know.
 
  Reply With Quote
parakeetjordan is offline parakeetjordan Post #2  January 14,2010, 8:00pm
parakeetjorda…'s Avatar

is in a relationship

Unregistered

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 691

See profile

jussmile wrote :
Okay, I'm just convinced that there's no winning in the dating process. It's just hard, plain and simple. Sure, all of your hard work might pay off, and you might meet some wonderful guy/gal, but, the process itself, and the steps to getting there is just difficult. I'm not necessarily talking about the rules of dating, or what you do, what you're not supposed to do. But, there's just so much to think about, even if you're just being yourself, the whole getting to know one another process, going through one person, finding there's no chemistry for you , then you like someone else, and there's no chemistry for them ...

Part of me feels like dating is not something that is natural and that you're supposed to do when you get older. When I was younger, before I got married, the whole thing just seemed really easy, like it just worked. Sure, there was first love heartbreache and all of that. But, I'm talking about the really impactful stuff that matters as you get older, just didn't matter back then. Now, there's so much to juggle, and dating can almost get in the way. Not to mention the stress over, am I seeing this person enough, am I not seeing them enough, should I make sure to weare make-up each time, or let him see me natural, whatever. Just hard stuff I tell you!!!

It's just hard... I don't think I'm asking a question, just making a statement. Maybe it's just me, and I've not even been in the dating world that long. Just seems like it's okay to get to a point where you say it's not worth it. I don't know.
Jussmile, I don't have a question either, but I agree with you that dating can sometimes be heart wrenching, and I just want to post the lyrics of a song that I really like. I guess I'm in a romantic mood.

Ronan Keating: If I Don’t Tell You Now

Ooh ooh oh yeah
I kept it inside for the longest time and I can't keep keeping it
All this love that's inside of my heart
Maybe it's safer not to say that I care
Maybe this road won't lead me anywhere
But if I don't tell you now (if I don't tell you now)
I may never get the chance again (I may never get the chance again)
To tell you that I need you, tell you what I'm feeling
If I keep these feelings in
And if I don't say the words (if I don't say the words)
How will you hear what's inside my heart
How will you know then
If I don't tell you now

Ohhh
I'd do anything to be in your dreams and I can't stand standing by
With this dream that's inside my heart (heart)
Maybe I'm only gonna make a mistake
And there's a chance maybe my heart will break

But if I don't tell you now (if I don't tell you now)
I may never get the chance again (I may never get the chance again)
To tell you that I need you, tell you what I'm feeling
If I keep these feelings in
And if I don't say the words (if I don't say the words)
How will you hear what's inside my heart
How will you know then
If I don't tell you now

Ooooooh
How will you know you're inside my soul
Oh its driving me crazy
Cause you don't see, you're the world to me
I'm so afraid to see
The way that I feel for you

If I don't tell you now (if I don't tell you now)
I may never get the chance again (I may never get the chance again)
To tell you that I need you, tell you what I'm feeling
If I keep these feelings in
And if I don't say the words (if I don't say the words)
How will you hear whats inside my heart
How will you know then
If I don't tell you now

Ohhhh ohhhh
If I don't tell you now
Last edited by parakeetjordan; January 14,2010 at 8:04pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #3  January 14,2010, 8:24pm

Unregistered

Joined: May 2008

SoCal

Posts: 7,705

See profile

jussmile - I think you are making it harder for yourself. Start being yourself. The point is to be you, genuinely you, and find a man that makes you want to be more genuinely you.

You can't see into the future to know if this is the right thing or the right guy for you but you can live in the present and see if when you are you, do you want to be with him.

Relax. Be you and get to know him and enjoy the joy of a budding new romance.
 
  Reply With Quote
joeyjoe is offline joeyjoe Post #4  January 14,2010, 8:33pm
joeyjoe's Avatar

is back in black

Pacesetter

Joined: Aug 2009

Stamford, CT

Posts: 455

See profile

Just a simple phase may help if you think about it. It is what it is. Can't force another being to like/not like you. Just have to roll with the punches and try to stay the course.
 
  Reply With Quote
RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #5  January 14,2010, 8:40pm

Unregistered

Joined: May 2009

Northwest

Posts: 3,239

See profile

Maybe things in general have become more difficult as time has progressed. Not just dating.

But, it could be, that you're stuck in "analysis paralysis" and making what is a fairly simple process into something much more confusing and frustrating.

I find the dating process to be a combination of ups and downs, highs and lows and occasionally a nice even period in between. And it's all fun for me-even the lows turn out as a piece of education about myself.

Simplify. Simplify.

Try meditation in the morning. It might help a lot.
 
  Reply With Quote
Look4Advice is offline Look4Advice Post #6  January 15,2010, 5:57am
Look4Advice's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2009

Posts: 48

See profile

Dating is hard, fun but hard. I find I constantly have to remind myself to not over-analyze. Discovering and learning about yourself implies some questionning. Add work, children and other responsibilities in the mix, no wonder many of us are stressed out about it.

I wish it would be as easy to do as it is to say:
"True happiness is...to enjoy the present, without anxious dependance upon the future."
 
  Reply With Quote
jussmile is offline jussmile Post #7  January 15,2010, 6:14am
jussmile's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Dec 2009

Seattle

Posts: 3,837

See profile

Look4Advice wrote :
Dating is hard, fun but hard. I find I constantly have to remind myself to not over-analyze. Discovering and learning about yourself implies some questionning. Add work, children and other responsibilities in the mix, no wonder many of us are stressed out about it.

I wish it would be as easy to do as it is to say:
"True happiness is...to enjoy the present, without anxious dependance upon the future."

You said it EXACTLY as I was thinking!! This is right on target. I think I more meant, life is complicated, and having to relearn someone all over again (although the adventure is fun... dating IS fun), it just throws more complication into an already complicated situation. I have kids, hard job, a house to maintain, car to maintain, etc., etc., etc... so, I totally agree with what you have said.

I am typically a very happy person. I think happiness lies within yourself, and you can rely on no one else for it, and run if someone is relying on you!! My problem is not the future, I am trying to just enjoy each minute. Just a lot on my mind between today and last night, so ranting helps relieve the stress... you good folks are the receivers :-). and... I greatly appreciate having you!!

Not to mention, I got contacted by this online dude again whom I've told several times to not email or call me! It just makes it difficult...
 
  Reply With Quote
PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #8  January 15,2010, 9:22am

Unregistered

Joined: Oct 2009

Posts: 6,908

See profile

RoxyRedhead wrote :
Simplify. Simplify.
I think this answers just about the majority of the dating issues on this board...but maybe people just have too much time on their hands, so they complicate things to find something to do (or talk about)
 
  Reply With Quote
richey is offline richey Post #9  January 15,2010, 9:36am
richey's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

san francisco, ca

Posts: 2,764

See profile

Look4Advice wrote :
I wish it would be as easy to do as it is to say:
"True happiness is...to enjoy the present, without anxious dependance upon the future."
Here's a thought..... why can't it be that easy? I mean really? I mean I know there is merit and a need to have a little planning and goals and direction ~ but why does that have to be an "anxious dependent" thing? After all, there are absolutely NO GUARANTEES about tomorrow ~ so why should we focus too much on the future and "later... tomorrow.... next week" everything?

The typical responses I get to this are, "well i have to clean the house. I have bills to pay. I have all this laundry to do for the family...." I understand this. But again, why must that be "anxious" or "dependent." Frankly put: when you are on your deathbed and your life is down to it's final hours ~ what are you going to be thinking and saying:

1. DAMMIT, I wish and regret that I didn't spend more time doing laundry, paying bills, studying the stock market so I could've invested better, and jeezus I will never be able to forgive myself for not folding more clothes for my family?

OR.....

2. If only I spent more time with family, doing the things I always wanted to do (like hobbies, travelling, volunteering, working with children, joining a dance class, etc.)?

And frankly, if it's not going to matter on your deathbed, then why does it matter so much now? Food for thought I'd say.

Okay.. now some quick thoughts on "dating process is hard".... No, it really isn't. It doesn't have to be anyway. Our dating experiences are exactly what we make them to be for ourselves (complex, stressful, difficult, or happy, fun, exciting, adventurous). As Roxy said ~ SIMPLIFY SIMPLIFY SIMPLIFY! It really should be a very simple process.

You are you. You just be you. You go out and have fun. You go out meet somebody. Maybe you and person gets along. If you and person get along, you do some more things together. Maybe someday you decide to be a couple. What's so hard about that? When's the last time you heard, "OMG.. HAVING FRIENDS IS SOOOOOO COMPLEX AND HARD?" Well if going out with friends isn't so hard, then why is dating so unbearable and hard?

Just sayin...

Richey
Last edited by richey; January 15,2010 at 9:39am.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  January 15,2010, 9:53am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

jussmile wrote :
Okay, I'm just convinced that there's no winning in the dating process. It's just hard, plain and simple. Sure, all of your hard work might pay off, and you might meet some wonderful guy/gal, but, the process itself, and the steps to getting there is just difficult. I'm not necessarily talking about the rules of dating, or what you do, what you're not supposed to do. But, there's just so much to think about, even if you're just being yourself, the whole getting to know one another process, going through one person, finding there's no chemistry for you , then you like someone else, and there's no chemistry for them ...

Part of me feels like dating is not something that is natural and that you're supposed to do when you get older. When I was younger, before I got married, the whole thing just seemed really easy, like it just worked. Sure, there was first love heartbreache and all of that. But, I'm talking about the really impactful stuff that matters as you get older, just didn't matter back then. Now, there's so much to juggle, and dating can almost get in the way. Not to mention the stress over, am I seeing this person enough, am I not seeing them enough, should I make sure to weare make-up each time, or let him see me natural, whatever. Just hard stuff I tell you!!!

It's just hard... I don't think I'm asking a question, just making a statement. Maybe it's just me, and I've not even been in the dating world that long. Just seems like it's okay to get to a point where you say it's not worth it. I don't know.
Seems to me you had another thread a day or two ago with a similar theme. My answer to that one would apply here.

If you give up then in another 20 years you will be in the same position that I am in now. Let me tell you it is not a pretty place to be.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« My Dad's 70th birthday | Dating | Is dating like interviewing for a job? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
What to Look For Before Elivating Dating to Relationship DennisWisconsin Dating 25 March 11,2012 3:19pm
Is dating like interviewing for a job? Sawyer76 Dating 70 December 26,2010 8:39am
dating and geography cp30 Dating 100 September 22,2010 5:28am
Brainiac Dating Jaspen About You 61 August 15,2009 10:12am
Great things about cross-cultural dating SoOverIt Dating 5 August 5,2009 6:33pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Come on, just because the guy is old and hasn't dated doesn't make him a toad. Lots of people have divorced and not dated in years due to job, kids, or whatever. You said he seemed nice. Maybe he is ... ” –  Altair

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“No, you have missed the point entirely. (Which is again evidence that raising children is far easier than most things.) Only a tiny fraction of motivated, able people succeed in reaching space. ... ” –  scubaroo

Join the “who pays?” discussion

“You need to try harder ... cus harder is always mo bettah!” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Friday Night Roll Call !!! Sweaty Summer Fun edition!” discussion

“I went hunting the other day and I bagged a deer.” –  myusernamehere

Join the “Good News” discussion

“Well, I'd start by trying to learn the reason. If he doesn't like "desk jobs," or respect corporations for perceived ethics, then maybe an entreprenurial venture is more his style? If he simply ... ” –  D_Lion

Join the “How to motivate a person?” discussion

“How to be happy with him? Chicks dig firefighters ...” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Ways to motivate him?” discussion

“Hi Suzanne, please see comments below in red. Overall, you seem to be a deep, sensitive and spiritual person. You have interesting hobbies and occupations. Remember there are hundreds and thousands ... ” –  SearchingHoping

Join the “Seeking review of my profile: 52 yr old woman, Pittsburgh area” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 8:33pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0