I want to turn this into something


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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #1  January 13,2010, 1:01pm
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I'm not really sure how, or if it is even worth my trying. I'm too close to the forest.

Several months ago I met a guy on another site. We exchanged a couple of e-mails but it went slow. I even acknowledged that we might not be a great match, but I wanted to get to know him. Finally at the beginning of January, we are able to set a date and time to meet.

Short background on him, he is from the area, doesn't know my city very well tho. He was in the military then lived out of state for the last 10+ years. He's very successful, owned his own business at one time (sold it), travels extensively and has a great mind. Currently he is working in the city I live in.

We finally met the other night for drinks and dinner. Both knowing full well he was "unavailable" (more on that later). I just cannot believe how intriguing this man is. He even offered to show my son the ins and outs of the business, which is exactly what my son wants to learn.

Besides being super tall (I can wear heels! Yay!) and handsome and smart and just so, so very nice, he actually looked at me. That sounds a little silly. But he kept his eyes on me 99 percent of the time we were sitting across from each other. Maybe he is just a great listener, or a great charmer even, but wow!

Hint to guys: Just look at her. Really look in her eyes and make sure she knows you are only listening to her.

*Sigh*

But again, he's "unavailable". And here is the odd reasons why. He is looking to buy property in another country. To do so, you have to be at least married to a citizen. Well, several months from now, he's marrying some girl in that country. Whatever. Lame? Am I duped?

After meeting him I sent a thank you e-mail and told him I want to have more conversations with him. He replied with similar remarks.

Here's the thing. If I could get him to stay here, I would. But rather than lose a potential great friend, I want to make sure I don't push things too far.

So, am I an idiot? Should I just accept the "friend" status? Am I only into this guy because he's unavailable? Is this the lamest reason a guy is unavailable ever?

I'm not really anxious about this. Just wondering if my mind is clouded. He mentioned a woman he exchanged e-mails with from the same site who, after very few non committal (never asked to meet her) exchanges, sent him a scathing letter about how he lead her on, etc. He said that was one of the reasons he didn't get back to me. He was a little worried I could be the same way.

On that, he sent me an e-mail saying that he was sorry he hadn't gotten back to me but that he had met someone. I replied with "Great! I'm happy for you! Isn't that why we're on xxx.com?" So, another random thought hits my brain. Could he just be playing a game with this "fiance for land" thing?

Ok, any thoughts are welcome. Like I said, I know I'm too close to the forest. Open my eyes! Please!
 
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my5cents is offline my5cents Post #2  January 13,2010, 1:13pm
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So he's getting married so he can buy land? Does he even know this bride to be of his? Are they in a relationship, and if so does she know that he is just using her? If he does love this bride to be, then what is he doing on a dating site?

What do you want from this relationship with him? Just friendship? What does he want from you? Friendship as well? Is he planning on getting married, buying land, then divorcing this woman? Would you respect a man who was doing that?

I don't know, I would have major problems with a man on a dating site who was getting married so he could buy land. I don't care how charming he is, it kind of tells you his morals/ethics/values. They wouldn't align with mine, but if you're okay with it then there's your answer.
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #3  January 13,2010, 1:15pm
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I'm a little confused by your last full paragraph (he sent you that email a while ago or recently?) but regarding the rest of your post, for me it's not just a matter of logistics (do you really want to have a relationship with someone who will be in another country indefinitely) but character- what does marriage mean to you? Is it something you eventually want? I'd be turned off by anyone that was planning on getting married just so they could buy a house somewhere, but you may feel differently.

Even if you don't have any objections to what he's doing regarding the fake marriage, I'd advise you to not expect more from him than friendship since he's looking to leave the country.
 
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TravelBarbie is offline TravelBarbie Post #4  January 13,2010, 1:52pm
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Girl....you need to hot foot it and RUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!

No seriously - dreamy as this guy may be outwardly, he sounds like bad news. "Marrying" someone to acquire land??? Come on!! Are you gonna be okay down the road with other casually dishonest things he does, or even ask you to do?? And something tells me, you don;t know the half of his underhanded dealings. He sounds just plain SHADY and full on grandiose, "victim-ish" excuses! Do you really even want to be "friends" with him?? To what end??? What is the point???????

Again.... RRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #5  January 13,2010, 2:04pm
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my5cents wrote :
So he's getting married so he can buy land? Does he even know this bride to be of his?

I don't know, I would have major problems with a man on a dating site who was getting married so he could buy land. I don't care how charming he is,
PM me your address, "andieisme", and I will mail you a pair of Nike's best running shoes, and a pair of runner's starting blocks.

But the offer is good only, if you promise to *USE* them immediately, for their intended purpose.


Also, I understand you live someplace near California's "Emerald Triangle" comprised of Humboldt, Trinity and Mendocino counties.

There should be, therefore, no shortage of hippie-type, but nice, guys, who subscribe to the old marxist/lefitist theory, "Land is Theft", so despite your political differences, you may still be able to chase and hopefully catch "The bright, elusive Butterfly of Love" whose existence was proclaimed in 1966 by a pop tune with that title.


Go gettem Tigress !!!
Last edited by 6dle899; January 13,2010 at 2:12pm.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #6  January 13,2010, 3:20pm
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Yes you got duped on this one and should probably accept the "friend status" (if you can) or let go completely (if you can't).



Richey
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  January 13,2010, 3:23pm
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See, this is why I said I'm too close to the forest. He's charming and all, and it is so easy to get sucked in!

But I still say the men should follow his lead and really look at your date when chatting with them. Eyes wide open! He truly made me feel like I was the only other person in the room.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #8  January 13,2010, 3:30pm
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Charming is nice but this guy has pretty much made it clear from the beginning that he's not available. The reasons don't really matter, except that he seems to have a lot of them, and they're kind of sketchy.

Don't waste your time. I wouldn't even pursue the friends angle. You are clearly wanting more and it will just tie up your time and emotion that could be spent finding someone who's actually available.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #9  January 13,2010, 3:33pm
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AndieIsMe wrote :
See, this is why I said I'm too close to the forest. He's charming and all, and it is so easy to get sucked in!

But I still say the men should follow his lead and really look at your date when chatting with them. Eyes wide open! He truly made me feel like I was the only other person in the room.
See, this and the charm, and the excuses for not getting involved are all things I see as red flags. Not that it's not nice to have a man who actually pays attention to you, but that's the kind of thing you do with someone you're interested in. If you do it otherwise, it sort of speaks to me of used-car salesman or sociopathic tendencies. There's no reason for him to make you feel like you're the only other person in the room unless he's trying to make you fall for him. Which you have.
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #10  January 13,2010, 3:42pm

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Heavy sigh-guys who live far away or are contemplating such a move.

It's hard to get around that kind of thing, as great a they may be. And getting married so he can buy land?? That sounds like getting married so you can become a citizen here..just slightly off center of lawful.

Sorry Andie-I won't offer you another set of Nikes running shoes-though I could get a better deal than 6dle, living just down the street from them, as I do --but I endorse the thought.

Even a footloose old bag such as myself had 2nd, 3rd, 17th thoughts about settling in a foreign country with Senor Romantica and living on his ranchita con mas peons.
It's too hard to leave the familiarity of home base (Not to mention Home Depot).

So what has he mentioned (if he has) wanting from your relationship? Fun and Frolic until such a time as he scoots outa town? Sounds like a heartbreaker in the making. Especially with the waffleing about meeting someone else etc.

Better thought-get him the boots and tell him to take the hike.
Last edited by RoxyRedhead; January 13,2010 at 3:45pm.
 
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