Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #1  January 13,2010, 9:18am
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Well all, my recent eHarmony match with whom I had been out with on three dates and felt a connection to unlike I have ever felt before dumped me this morning with the reason "no chemistry"

Now I will be the first to admit that I don't understand the first thing about "chemistry". I do recognize that the feelings of "chemistry" have to be mutual for a relationship to work out.

My question, if anyone would care to try and explain, is what signs tell me if my match is feeling "chemistry"? Everything that I thought I was reading lead me to believe she was feeling the same connections that I was feeling. Obviously I am not very good at reading
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #2  January 13,2010, 9:38am
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Chemistry...or alchemy...as I like to call it..is ill-defined.

There is no universally accepted definitions.....some believe its lovat first sight...others are looking for "a feeling" which is usually a reference to some past relationship..which really could have been indegestion.

The thing thatbother me is that after three dates she couldnt take the time to say something to you over the phone....maybe you said something that bothered her...when you did nothing wrong...but the way you said it brought up flashbacks of her past.
 
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my5cents is offline my5cents Post #3  January 13,2010, 9:46am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Well all, my recent eHarmony match with whom I had been out with on three dates and felt a connection to unlike I have ever felt before dumped me this morning with the reason "no chemistry"

Now I will be the first to admit that I don't understand the first thing about "chemistry". I do recognize that the feelings of "chemistry" have to be mutual for a relationship to work out.

My question, if anyone would care to try and explain, is what signs tell me if my match is feeling "chemistry"? Everything that I thought I was reading lead me to believe she was feeling the same connections that I was feeling. Obviously I am not very good at reading
So sorry to hear what happened to you. So you want to know about inexplicable chemistry? I could tell you that she's probably feeling chemistry if she's smiling, laughing, perhaps touching your arm, looking at you, and there's a flow to conversation. Ahhh BUT, sometimes a woman or a man for that matter can do all that and not feel chemistry. Sometimes it's just a matter of physical attraction, or feeling that "zing" inside. I've gone on dates where the conversation is going well on both ends, but I'm not romantically attracted or he isn't. I might think he's a nice man, funny even but I can't imagine kissing him, or sometimes it's like talking to a co-worker. I don't mean to be a downer but signs can be hard to read.

I've been on the flip side where I didn't think there was mutual attraction and then was surprised that the gentleman was interested. So, I guess what I'm telling you is that you just never know. Time usually works it all out.

Don't feel bad about feeling that you couldn't read the signs, because in all actuality she was probably giving you good signs and she went on 3 dates with you. So she probably was feeling that there was something. Perhaps it wasn't enough, or she was giving it a few dates to "feel" chemistry.
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #4  January 13,2010, 9:52am
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oh, there's been a show or two on t.v. about this. it is harder to discern a woman's interest than a man's. fascinating things. like women have better peripheral vision - so when they check out a guy, they don't give themselves away. i think i would maybe watch for whether or not a woman shelters in your personal space.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #5  January 13,2010, 9:57am

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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Now I will be the first to admit that I don't understand the first thing about "chemistry". My question, if anyone would care to try and explain, is what signs tell me if my match is feeling "chemistry"?
Don't even try to understand chemistry. You could be having an awesome time on first, second, third, fourth date, etc...all could be going well until one day she decided to stop seeing you for whatever reason.

So rather than wasting the energy trying to understand that overused word, enjoy your dating life, one date at a time.

You will receive many different subjective input on what people think are signs of chemistry, but it doesn't matter as you just found out yourself....things can change in one second and you come from 'I just got home from a great date' to 'she never responds to my calls anymore'

No this hasn't happened to me, just through observation on this board.
Last edited by PY_2; January 13,2010 at 10:03am.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #6  January 13,2010, 10:02am

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PY_2 wrote :
Don't even try to understand chemistry. You could be having an awesome time on first, second, third, fourth date, etc...all could be going well until she found somebody that has more than you (whatever that'd be).

So rather than wasting the energy trying to understand that overused word, enjoy your dating life, one date at a time.

You will receive many different subjective input on what people think are signs of chemistry, but it doesn't matter as you just found out yourself....things can change in one second and you come from 'I just got home from a great date' to 'she never responds to my calls anymore'

No this hasn't happened to me, just through observation on this board.
What he said.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  January 13,2010, 10:04am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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ami1uwant wrote :
Chemistry...or alchemy...as I like to call it..is ill-defined.

There is no universally accepted definitions.....some believe its love at first sight...others are looking for "a feeling" which is usually a reference to some past relationship..which really could have been indigestion.

The thing that bother me is that after three dates she couldn't take the time to say something to you over the phone....maybe you said something that bothered her...when you did nothing wrong...but the way you said it brought up flashbacks of her past.
While I suppose that the proper etiquette may have been to tell me in a phone call or even in person, personally I am happy that it is in an e-mail. Had she told me in a phone call or in person the best response that I would have been able to muster would have be "Oh?". Having received the news in an e-mail I was able to take the time I needed to formulate a reply expressing my enjoyment in our time spent together, as brief as it was, and wish her all the best in her search.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #8  January 13,2010, 10:08am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Having received the news in an e-mail I was able to take the time I needed to formulate a reply expressing my enjoyment in our time spent together, as brief as it was, and wish her all the best in her search.
Like a true gentleman
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  January 13,2010, 10:11am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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my5cents wrote :
So sorry to hear what happened to you. So you want to know about inexplicable chemistry? I could tell you that she's probably feeling chemistry if she's smiling, laughing, perhaps touching your arm, looking at you, and there's a flow to conversation. Ahhh BUT, sometimes a woman or a man for that matter can do all that and not feel chemistry. Sometimes it's just a matter of physical attraction, or feeling that "zing" inside. I've gone on dates where the conversation is going well on both ends, but I'm not romantically attracted or he isn't. I might think he's a nice man, funny even but I can't imagine kissing him, or sometimes it's like talking to a co-worker. I don't mean to be a downer but signs can be hard to read.

I've been on the flip side where I didn't think there was mutual attraction and then was surprised that the gentleman was interested. So, I guess what I'm telling you is that you just never know. Time usually works it all out.

Don't feel bad about feeling that you couldn't read the signs, because in all actuality she was probably giving you good signs and she went on 3 dates with you. So she probably was feeling that there was something. Perhaps it wasn't enough, or she was giving it a few dates to "feel" chemistry.
There was all that and more.

Apparently.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  January 13,2010, 10:13am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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Mokkesofie wrote :
Like a true gentleman
I try.
 
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