Will he ever make me a priority, or is he playing me?


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sthngrlc is offline sthngrlc Post #1  January 11,2010, 10:53am
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The thing that i have a problem with is that we only hangout about once a week outside of work (we work together and do see each other at work), and it is never on a friday or sat night. Normally it is during an afternoon for a couple of hours. For example, the last time he came over was a sat. afternoon to do some work. He tells me how much he cares about me and talks about being in a serious relationship one day, yet I know he is having sex with other women and hanging out with them. He even told me he hangsout with other women. What can I do to get him to spend more time with me? I don't think I can really confront him about it, b/c then he will say that I am being dramatic, but we've been "hanging out" for 3 months now, and I'm just wondering when he is going to start treating me like more of a priority and taking me on dates. Maybe I am too available to him, maybe there is no way to be a priority b/c he doesn't like me enough. Would be great to have a guys point of view who has several women at a time that he is involved with. I just am not content or happy being another one of his hangout buddies, I want and need more than that. Any advice? Do I suddenly stop answering his phone calls and ignore him? Since we aren't really anything serious, there is no need to break-up. Even though it sounds mean, I'd just really like to get at him the way he has hurt me. He says he has thick skin and nothing bothers him, so in a way I feel like its a worthless cause. I just REALLY like him .
 
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DanielJr82 is offline DanielJr82 Post #2  January 11,2010, 11:04am
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I've been there, I know exactly what you're going through. Sounds to me like he hasn't made his intentions clear, or he's just not playing fair. Either way, he's not giving you the attention you want nor the respect you deserve (if he's having flings with other women.)

I'd advice not to ignore him, but make yourself more unavailable. Get busy. Go out with your girls, find another date or something and see if he'll react. He'll come around if he's interested.

-Edit-
On a related note, take a looksie at this article: The Art of Wooing.
Last edited by DanielJr82; January 11,2010 at 11:08am. Reason: Added link to article.
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #3  January 11,2010, 11:13am
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You may like his company, but you are in the friend zone and in his fan club. You can't make him spend more time with you, only less by not seeing him. Start spending time with a guy who is not a player.
Let him know he can't keep spending time with you while he's seeing woman.
Never allow men who have "someone else" in their
life to keep wasting your time.
When a man can have the affection of many women,
and he's in a place where he's emotionally
non-committed to none, odds are he will try to
keep this situation going for as long as possible!

sthngrlc wrote :
The thing that i have a problem with is that we only hangout about once a week outside of work (we work together and do see each other at work), and it is never on a friday or sat night. Normally it is during an afternoon for a couple of hours. For example, the last time he came over was a sat. afternoon to do some work. He tells me how much he cares about me and talks about being in a serious relationship one day, yet I know he is having sex with other women and hanging out with them. He even told me he hangsout with other women. What can I do to get him to spend more time with me? I don't think I can really confront him about it, b/c then he will say that I am being dramatic, but we've been "hanging out" for 3 months now, and I'm just wondering when he is going to start treating me like more of a priority and taking me on dates. Maybe I am too available to him, maybe there is no way to be a priority b/c he doesn't like me enough. Would be great to have a guys point of view who has several women at a time that he is involved with. I just am not content or happy being another one of his hangout buddies, I want and need more than that. Any advice? Do I suddenly stop answering his phone calls and ignore him? Since we aren't really anything serious, there is no need to break-up. Even though it sounds mean, I'd just really like to get at him the way he has hurt me. He says he has thick skin and nothing bothers him, so in a way I feel like its a worthless cause. I just REALLY like him .
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #4  January 11,2010, 12:42pm
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You are making yourself a victim here. Don't lower yourself to his level, you are worth much more than that. Find someone who appreciates you for who you are and truly cares for you.
Last edited by Mokkesofie; January 11,2010 at 12:44pm. Reason: ...spelling
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #5  January 11,2010, 1:52pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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This will hurt. He doesn't want you for a girlfriend. So you have no negotiation power. You accept the situation exactly as it is or you stop seeing him.

He'll let this drag on indefinitely, why wouldn't he? He does as he pleases and can rely on you doting on him in the background. The fact that he keeps showing up will give you false hope that something is developing and you won't have enough objective distance to see if that's a false hope or not (your posts suggests you're there already).

He likes you well enough for a once a week booty call but when he tells you that he has 'thick skin' it's his rather arrogant way of telling you that you can't hurt him because he doesn't have feelings for you.

I'm so sorry. I know what that's like and I wish I'd had someone be really brutal with me from the get go and saved me a lot of heartache.
There are better men out there who wouldn't work you like this. Stop seeing him, spend your time meeting them.

Judge him by his actions and not his promises.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  January 11,2010, 2:16pm
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I read this OP couple of times, but the above posts seem to be assuming this is a relationship, and I can not find any evidence of that. These people seem young, and this is an opposite-sex friendship, but not a relationship.

Thus, there does not appear to be any problem - except the desires of the OP.

So, did you ask for a relationship? State that you wanted one? Give him any sign you wanted more than a friendship? If you don't make yourself clear, don't expect a young man to read your mind.

"when he is going to start treating me like more of a priority and taking me on dates."

Why not take him on a date, if that is your desire?

Keep in mind, that he may have a policy of not seeking or accepting romantic involvement with a co-worker.
 
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #7  January 11,2010, 2:22pm
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It's very simple. He isn't some shy guy. If he wanted to spend the time with you or be in a relationship, he would. You'll never get what you're looking for with this guy.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #8  January 11,2010, 2:47pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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Really liking someone and not having that feeling reciprocated is hard, but it does happen. This guy doesn't want anything serious right now (hence the "having a serious relationship one day" conversation). He wants to be free to do what he wants, when he wants, with who he wants to be with at the time. There's nothing wrong with that.

If you want something more than a hang out buddy, then I think you're going to have to look elsewhere. This guy isn't interested in the things that you want, and no amount of time spent with him is going to make him want something he isn't interested in having at the moment. That doesn't mean you can't still hang out with him or be his friend, it just means that if you want a relationship, you shouldn't expect one from him.

Go find someone who is going to appreciate you and want the same things you want. Don't you deserve that? And don't waste your time getting back at him--he probably doesn't even realize he's hurt you based on what you've said here.
 
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sthngrlc is offline sthngrlc Post #9  January 11,2010, 3:24pm
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Yeah, you guys are right. I know that he is losing what interest he did have, and basically he just wants me around as a friend. I'm going to start working on weening myself away from the situation by not talking to him as much as what not because the only way that I'll fully get over him is to distance myself. I know myself well enough to know that if i continue to talk with him that I'll still have feelings for him.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #10  January 12,2010, 3:48pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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There's a singer songwriter I like called James Hand, he's sort of country, very downbeat, broken hearted kind of perfomer. He says he isn't depressed, he just loves someone who doesn't love him.

I feel James' pain and I feel your pain because I've got a pain just like it.

I wish you better things for the rest of 2010.
 
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