Exchanging phone numbers


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joeyjoe is offline joeyjoe Post #1  January 9,2010, 11:26am
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Finally got to open communication with this other match. We set a time and place tonight to meet. However, in her last e-mail to me, she said we should most likely be able to find each other by our pictures. I replied, really should exchange numbers. It will make it way easier to find each other in a busy place. Gave her mine, but never heard back.

Now, believe it or not, I have been burned before. Where we are supposed to meet and the girl never shows. So, I am thinking of not going if she does not reply or text me her number. Reason being, we are meeting up in Westchester, not Connecticut. Only a half hour a way, but with tolls and parking, it can be like 20 bucks down the drain for nothing.

I know this is a double edged sword here, as if she shows and I do not, even if I have a good reason, its dead. Then again, if I show and she doesn't its dead cause she blew me off.

Anyone know how to navigate this mine field?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  January 9,2010, 11:33am
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I've never had a woman not show up.

She may have noted your number and just not replied - after all, if she is late or lost only one number is really necessary.
 
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joeyjoe is offline joeyjoe Post #3  January 9,2010, 11:39am
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I have. Its really disrespectful and embarrassing. Rather not go through this again. Hopefully she check her eharmony mail and reply with her number.
 
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mikeinor is offline mikeinor Post #4  January 9,2010, 11:44am
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Before just not going to meet her I would tell her exactly what you have said here. If she doesn't give you her number then don't go. If she doesn't get your e-mail and wonders why you didn't show up she will know exactly why you didn't.

Guy's need to take a little responsibility for their safety not just women... and set a minimum standard... a phone number is not too much to ask for before meeting.

You just not showing up without any prior notice is being as rude to her as other women have been to you!
 
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joeyjoe is offline joeyjoe Post #5  January 9,2010, 11:56am
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That is what I did say. Didn't say I will not show up though. I assumed giving her my number and asking for her's is more than adequate. Every time on eharmony when I asked for a number, I got it or the girl gave it to me before me asking. However, she said she was doing something before we met, so I am not sure if she'll read her eharmony mail before. I was assuming that I would had heard back from her already. Especially, with the other debacle, I am a bit more once bitten twice shy again.
 
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Spider is offline Spider Post #6  January 9,2010, 11:57am
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I'm not following why not having her number is a "good reason" to not show for a date you'd already set. You have made a commitment to the time and place; ditching her at this point would say unflattering things about your ability to honor plans.

Heck, I dated one guy over the course of eight months and never got his phone number! I never asked for it, never felt the need to have it.
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #7  January 9,2010, 12:08pm
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CT to Westchester on a Saturday night? hmm.... unless you're meeting in Northern Westchester, sometimes the time set aside for traffic isn't even enough. It's one of those "you never can tell" kind of things... Try again to get her number, at least you'll have it on hand in case YOU'RE running late (if you're the one doing the driving). I'd think she'd want you to have it for that reason alone. Don't blow the date off though. That's rude. Do you really want to be that person? And if you're going to do that *in case* someone might not show up on you, then why bother to make dates in the first place?? That makes no sense...
Last edited by lucky173; January 9,2010 at 12:11pm. Reason: this site is acting up on me... again
 
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joeyjoe is offline joeyjoe Post #8  January 9,2010, 12:27pm
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Yea, I know. The traffic can be brutal at times over to White Plains. She seems to reply at night to my e-mails, though, this time last week she replied during the day. I just checked the eharmony account, and she has not viewed me since yesterday. So, she's not seen my message yet. Do I want too be that guy, no. Do I want to look like a jackass being there with no way to find her or contact her, no.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #9  January 9,2010, 12:29pm
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joeyjoe wrote :
Its really disrespectful and embarrassing.

Agree it is disrespectful. It's only embarrassing if you let it get to you.

Next time, select a meeting place without this risk.


joeyjoe wrote :
Anyone know how to navigate this mine field?

A business person would do one of the following:

Use portfolio theory: you have a certain probability a woman will flake, calculated from experience or research; assume you decide that is 10%.

Given that the drive to the meeting is stated at $20, the expected value of the driving expense is the nominal driving cost per meeting divided by the probability the woman arrives. In this case, $20 / 90% = $22.22. Thus, it costs you $22.22 in driving expense per successful meeting.

This $2.22 increase seems nominal - I would call it immaterial relative to the uncertainty around the range of outcomes generally associated with a first meeting.

Manage your exposure via your own behavior: make no meetings involving tolls, have some phone conversation prior to meeting, or screen carefully and do not be so eager to meet any woman who says "yes."
 
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qt_py is offline qt_py Post #10  January 9,2010, 12:46pm

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If this person doesn't trust you with her phone number, then its time to move on to someone more mature and serious about dating.
 
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