Communication dragging


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
my5cents is offline my5cents Post #1  January 9,2010, 9:19am
my5cents's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Mar 2008

California

Posts: 655

See profile

I am communicating to a match on eH and it seems we're never going to get through the 4 stages of communication. Usually with matches it goes pretty quickly, and sometimes it stops and you just write the person off. It seems with each stage it takes about a week to hear back from this fellow. We just finished stage 3 and I'm waiting for stage four. It's almost been a month.

I think that a)He has other matches he's more interested in and I'm on the back burner or b) Really does not have time to be going through this process and in reality shouldn't be at this time.

Have you all written a person off because of this? I'm almost at that point and tired of making excuses for a person. I make it (i.e. dating or the process of dating) a priority and I'd really like to be with a person who also puts it somewhere at the top of their list.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  January 9,2010, 9:25am
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,677

See profile

I tended to leave my slow matches sitting, until I either got to a couple of meetings in person with someone, or she did finally reach the end of the process and we met.

My view is that you might as well let this continue, but don't stop communicating with others.

Since the guided communication steps each take only a few seconds, up to several minutes to compose the answers (unless you save the answers in a file), I think the only reason to spend a week is limited internet access.
 
  Reply With Quote
my5cents is offline my5cents Post #3  January 9,2010, 9:31am
my5cents's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Mar 2008

California

Posts: 655

See profile

Thanks D_Lion. I am almost positive with what this person does as a living that he definitely does not have limited e-mail access. His answers to the open communication were rushed 1 sentences with misspellings. That made me wonder...really, how much time are you putting in this process? I felt like it was typed from his blackberry (seriously).

I suppose I'll continue, but the longer it takes for him to respond the less likely and excited I am to meet him (if we ever get to that point). I shall continue with others as I've been doing.
 
  Reply With Quote
lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #4  January 9,2010, 10:12am
lucky173's Avatar

says "I like two kinds of men: domestic and imported"

Veteran

Joined: Feb 2008

NY

Posts: 1,510

See profile

I'd say, base it solely on your interest level in the match up to this point. There is no harm in keeping it open, if you still have an interest in finishing up the stages of communication. If you've lost the interest however due to the pace, or lack of communication or depth of communication, or any other reason, then there is no point in keeping it open just for the sake of having a match in *some* stage. (For me, I'd rather have no matches going than have ones that were lackluster and uninteresting)
 
  Reply With Quote
qt_py is offline qt_py Post #5  January 9,2010, 12:49pm

Quick Study

Joined: Nov 2009

Posts: 177

See profile

Why are you wasting your time on losers? Wait 3 days and then close them out and move on.
 
  Reply With Quote
nightling is offline nightling Post #6  January 9,2010, 1:53pm
nightling's Avatar

all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark.

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2009

Misery

Posts: 6,943

See profile

my5cents wrote :
I am communicating to a match on eH and it seems we're never going to get through the 4 stages of communication. Usually with matches it goes pretty quickly, and sometimes it stops and you just write the person off. It seems with each stage it takes about a week to hear back from this fellow. We just finished stage 3 and I'm waiting for stage four. It's almost been a month.

I think that a)He has other matches he's more interested in and I'm on the back burner or b) Really does not have time to be going through this process and in reality shouldn't be at this time.

Have you all written a person off because of this? I'm almost at that point and tired of making excuses for a person. I make it (i.e. dating or the process of dating) a priority and I'd really like to be with a person who also puts it somewhere at the top of their list.
This does tend to decrease my interest level in the match and at some point I will just get irritated with them and may very well hit close. Particularly if someone more interesting and timely comes along. otoh it doesn't really hurt anything if they sit around, so I have left some of them siting open for quite a while, too, if I didn't see a particular reason to close them other than that one thing. Yeah I know. It's contradictory. /shrug
 
  Reply With Quote
rocchio is offline rocchio Post #7  January 9,2010, 2:08pm
rocchio's Avatar

Life is good!

Veteran

Joined: Jan 2009

Somewhere, USA

Posts: 1,444

See profile

my5cents wrote :
I am communicating to a match on eH and it seems we're never going to get through the 4 stages of communication. Usually with matches it goes pretty quickly, and sometimes it stops and you just write the person off. It seems with each stage it takes about a week to hear back from this fellow. We just finished stage 3 and I'm waiting for stage four. It's almost been a month.

I think that a)He has other matches he's more interested in and I'm on the back burner or b) Really does not have time to be going through this process and in reality shouldn't be at this time.

Have you all written a person off because of this? I'm almost at that point and tired of making excuses for a person. I make it (i.e. dating or the process of dating) a priority and I'd really like to be with a person who also puts it somewhere at the top of their list.
my5cents, I have had your frustrating and irritating experience myself. I tend to give her a week and if I don't hear back, I just close her out with "I'm pursuing..." Sometimes, I'll check to see if she has a match.com profile. If her match profile states that she's been there within "24 hours", I wait two days( tops) and then close her out. It's no big deal to me: I'm not vested in any important sense, so I don't have a problem closing out matches for not answering my requests in the process. As D-lion pointed out, it takes very little effort to respond.

Good luck to you whatever you decide to do!
Last edited by rocchio; January 9,2010 at 2:11pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #8  January 9,2010, 3:33pm
mrflyer's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Dec 2009

my computer

Posts: 2,948

See profile

I leave them open indefinitely. No reason to be in a rush to close them, since I don't get charged by the match, and you never know what's going on in their life.

For instance, I have a friend whose son just died after being in a fire, so if she were on a dating site she wouldn't have been active there for at least the past 3 weeks due to being involved with that issue.

I also think it's unrealistic to expect someone you haven't met to make you a priority when you know they're on a dating site and being matched with others.

I do wish eharmony gave some clue as to how long it had been since the other person logged in. Then if I saw that someone hadn't replied to me in a month but had been on the site in the past few days, I would conclude she was ignoring me, as opposed to someone who had something else going on in life and hadn't been on the site in a long time,
Last edited by mrflyer; January 9,2010 at 3:36pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
k374 is offline k374 Post #9  January 9,2010, 5:45pm
k374's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 130

See profile

Anyone who doesn't give a prompt response (1-3 days tops) is not worth your time...trust me on this and avoid a lot of heartache later! No matter how busy they are a person who is truly interested in knowing you will make the time.

It takes only a few minutes to make a call or write a few lines, if they can't even make that much time then either they aren't too interested or they are just too busy to date, in both cases it is best to shut them down and move on.
 
  Reply With Quote
k374 is offline k374 Post #10  January 9,2010, 5:50pm
k374's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 130

See profile

D_Lion wrote :
I think the only reason to spend a week is limited internet access.
I will accept this excuse only if they are living in a jungle somewhere in Sulawesi. EH is an internet based site, why even subscribe to such a site if one does not have proper internet access.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« What if you want to reconnect with someone? | Dating | Not returning phone calls. A new phenomenon? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Free Communication Weekend: Advice for Visitors Robert_inSD Using eHarmony 12 April 9,2010 9:05pm
Free Communication Weekend Strategies Robert_inSD Using eHarmony 12 February 12,2010 12:36pm
Open communication stage ami1uwant Using eHarmony 8 January 3,2010 11:26am
eHarmony's Free Communication Event - Why You Should Be Involved Lucky22 Using eHarmony 43 October 29,2009 12:36pm
Open Communication... What to expect? notjustamuse Using eHarmony 6 October 9,2009 7:26pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Come on, just because the guy is old and hasn't dated doesn't make him a toad. Lots of people have divorced and not dated in years due to job, kids, or whatever. You said he seemed nice. Maybe he is ... ” –  Altair

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“No, you have missed the point entirely. (Which is again evidence that raising children is far easier than most things.) Only a tiny fraction of motivated, able people succeed in reaching space. ... ” –  scubaroo

Join the “who pays?” discussion

“You need to try harder ... cus harder is always mo bettah!” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Friday Night Roll Call !!! Sweaty Summer Fun edition!” discussion

“I went hunting the other day and I bagged a deer.” –  myusernamehere

Join the “Good News” discussion

“Well, I'd start by trying to learn the reason. If he doesn't like "desk jobs," or respect corporations for perceived ethics, then maybe an entreprenurial venture is more his style? If he simply ... ” –  D_Lion

Join the “How to motivate a person?” discussion

“How to be happy with him? Chicks dig firefighters ...” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Ways to motivate him?” discussion

“Hi Suzanne, please see comments below in red. Overall, you seem to be a deep, sensitive and spiritual person. You have interesting hobbies and occupations. Remember there are hundreds and thousands ... ” –  SearchingHoping

Join the “Seeking review of my profile: 52 yr old woman, Pittsburgh area” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 7:54pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0