wellkeptsecret is offline wellkeptsecret Post #11  January 10,2010, 2:24pm
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richey wrote :
Not if they're interested. If they're not interested, yes they are adverse to it. Bottom line: nothing new here, he's not interested in you that way.
If you read my original post, you'll note that I fully believe that he only wants to be friends. I'm under obligation only to believe what he tells me, and he's told me he's simply interested in companionship (and to debunk your "friends with benefits" comment, he's never gotten "benefits" from me, LOL!) I don't expect that he's going to change his mind, which is why I'm actually on eHarmony with the hope of pursuing a relationship with someone else.

Thanks for your input.
 
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newbie40something is offline newbie40something Post #12  January 10,2010, 2:57pm
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Wellkeptsecret...I was wondering if you have been dating. I noted your comment about going to EH. That's a good start. So, besides EH, have you had any dates? Have you any possibilities on EH? (Besides him. Lol!) You might want to see what else is out there. Because, you are worried about ruining an awesome relationship, as you described.

Good luck with everything!
 
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Georgetheman is offline Georgetheman Post #13  January 10,2010, 5:36pm
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wellkeptsecret wrote :
So even though you're into one (or all, LOL!) of them, you wouldn't re-broach the dating issue?
No, I wouldn't, because I initiated the dating conversation and I was turned down. The offer is still outstanding and it's up to her.

If she had asked me and I refused, and I now changed my mind, I would bring it up again. That's why I think you can, because (as I understand it) you haven't specifically asked him to date you yet.

wrote :
I'd love to re-broach the dating issue (glutton for punishment, I guess), but the thought of losing a friendship of this caliber (which in my life is pretty rare), is a terrifying thought to me.
I would start the conversation with that paragraph. Let him know that you value the friendship beyond you two dating or not dating. You're only bringing it up because you sense this tension and you want to know if a dating relationship is possible.

In my experience, high-caliber friendships CAN survive this conversation. I'm still good friends with the girls I mentioned earlier.
Last edited by Georgetheman; January 10,2010 at 5:39pm. Reason: left out some words
 
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richey is offline richey Post #14  January 11,2010, 12:24am
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Point is.... you want more, he doesn't. You're sticking around with him b/c you hope he changes his mind eventually and wants more. But he won't.

Should you bring it up and joke about it with him? No.

Clearer?

Richey
 
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Petite76 is offline Petite76 Post #15  January 11,2010, 7:24am
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wellkeptsecret wrote :
If you read my original post, you'll note that I fully believe that he only wants to be friends. I'm under obligation only to believe what he tells me, and he's told me he's simply interested in companionship (and to debunk your "friends with benefits" comment, he's never gotten "benefits" from me, LOL!) I don't expect that he's going to change his mind.
You're answering your own question and if you listen to yourself, you'll see that there should be no "dilemma" here: he's honestly told you - and you believe him - that he wants to be no more than friends with you.

You've now gone half of your life daydreaming about a romantic relationship with this guy.
You can spend the rest of your life saying you're "weak," and just not get over it, but it's not going to do you any good.

It's good you joined eH, and you might want to keep your eyes open IRL as well, and actually realize if/when another good man shows up (dimples or not ).
It's not an easy process and it will not happen overnight. But if you put your mind to it and face the facts, you should find happiness with someone else.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #16  January 11,2010, 8:50am
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I think I would explain to him that you have developed some feelings for him and that if a romantic relationship with him is not possible that you need to put some distance between yourself and him so that you can find someone with whom it is possible. He will either step up or let you go at that point and your path should become clear.

Good luck.
 
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