Dating after a break up?


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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #1  January 8,2010, 9:40pm

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How long do you usually wait to start dating, after you've had an emotional break up?

Mine was just a couple of weeks ago, but Mr. Opportunity has presented himself and I'm interested, but a bit unsure?
Leary?
Cautious?
In any case, while not exactly feeling fragile, I am still a bit taken back by the 180 degree turnabout in my life over the holidays.

I'd like to have an occasional date, however I haven't made my profile public on the 2 dating sites I use yet.

I made such huge misjudgments in my last relationship, had thought both of us understood where the other was coming from only to discover that neither of us were in the same book, much less on the same page.

Thoughts?
 
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joeyjoe is offline joeyjoe Post #2  January 8,2010, 9:50pm
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How long did you date the other guy? Do you have an emotional attachment? Not sure if I would tell the new guy in your crosshairs about just recently being broken up. He may think he just a rebound.

I would recommend taking it slow and move at your own pace.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  January 8,2010, 10:07pm
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I think the way you've worded your posting answers your question, Roxy! ... when Mr Opportunity is knocking ... Of course you answer! It sounds like the part of you that wrote the post is ready to date Mr O.

Are you sure it's true you made bad judgments with your last man? From what you posted here, you gave it your best shot, and you didn't get caught up in things you didn't want to get caught by. Where's the bad judgment? With a guy who seems like a good prospect initially, you can't know it isn't going to work out without actually getting into it.

If you do feel a little unready, perhaps limit dating Mr O to once a week at first? or to daytime dates only? or some limits like that? to make it move more slowly.

Good luck! I'm glad Mr O has shown up!
 
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Mangosteen is offline Mangosteen Post #4  January 8,2010, 10:31pm
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Usually I wait a while after an emotional breakup, because usually I'm not ready, still thinking about the other person, and hence, never see anyone I even feel remotely attracted to...

...your case sounds different. If you feel some interest, I would tap that!
 
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richey is offline richey Post #5  January 8,2010, 11:55pm
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The answer is not amount of time elapsed, but whether you've overcome certain things. However long those things take to overcome is how long oyu should wait.

You must be over the other person completely without lingering effects. You must be in a state where the ex- (or any other ex's) do not have ANY affect on you any longer. You must be at a point where any issues from the past are overcome and you've learned and applied what you have to from those mistakes, past issues, past insecurities, etc.

REally, the best test to figure out if your'e ready? If you can say "I really dont' care if I'm seeing anybody right now.. I'm good as is."

Richey
 
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joeyjoe is offline joeyjoe Post #6  January 9,2010, 12:19am
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richey wrote :
The answer is not amount of time elapsed, but whether you've overcome certain things. However long those things take to overcome is how long oyu should wait.

You must be over the other person completely without lingering effects. You must be in a state where the ex- (or any other ex's) do not have ANY affect on you any longer. You must be at a point where any issues from the past are overcome and you've learned and applied what you have to from those mistakes, past issues, past insecurities, etc.

REally, the best test to figure out if your'e ready? If you can say "I really dont' care if I'm seeing anybody right now.. I'm good as is."

Richey
True on many levels. Though, is anyone ever really over someone they cared about? Some people, maybe not 100% completely.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #7  January 9,2010, 1:10am
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RoxyRedhead wrote :
but Mr. Opportunity has presented himself and I'm interested,
That says it all Roxy, give it a go girl. If it doesn't work out then at least you gave it a try. Good luck.
 
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Monica1 is offline Monica1 Post #8  January 9,2010, 4:16am

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I think it's possible to cautiously get to know a new person or explore a new connection with someone while at the same time heal over another. Listen to your heart and take care of it along the way
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #9  January 9,2010, 4:36am
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I would not wait at all.

Unless this new man is already far enough along that the chance of something developing is high, there will be enough first dates that go nowhere, that some time is likely to have passed naturally anyway.
 
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beentherehavetee is offline beentherehavetee Post #10  January 9,2010, 6:39am
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I would proceed but with some level of caution, taking what I learned from the past "relationship" as a lesson not to be relearned.
 
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