pancho1984 is offline pancho1984 Post #1  January 8,2010, 2:12pm
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Hello All,

Thanks to EH I recently started dating a wonderful woman with whom I'd have otherwise never crossed paths.
Young, pretty, unbelievably smart - I'm amazed.

I've dated young and old, rich and poor. This is an awesome match, and we hit it off from the get go.

Here's one difference though when compared to past relationships: For whatever reason communication is very sparse and it concerns me. When we spend time together, it is absolutely awesome. However, between those times, days can go by without much communication if any at all.

Are you a high achiever? How do you read for a professional woman to go 3-4 days without much communication? Perhaps because of her field (engineering) her thought process is somewhat segmented (focused on a thing at the time) so during the week while at work or home she'll seldom text or call. We talked about this last night in person and agreed to work on it. She also hasnt been in a relationship for over a year and half which she says is probably another reason why shes not entirely in a real dating mindset yet.

To me it's just a little puzzling/concerning because everyone I have dated, we were usually in touch on a daily basis.

So what do YOU think? any similar experiences?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  January 8,2010, 2:29pm
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You're doubly lucky! Enjoy.
 
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suzyblueeyes is offline suzyblueeyes Post #3  January 8,2010, 2:54pm
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I would consider myself a high achieving woman. I am also an engineer by trade. Once I get into a "relationship" where we have discussed exclusivity, I like to have contact most days, usually a phone call, but at least a quick note.

My question would be, how long have you been seeing her? If we are talking a few weeks here, she is likely just taking it slow. If you have been seeing her for a few months and you don't communicate much in between dates, I would think that either (a) she is the type of person who needs a lot of personal space, or (b) she is spending those other nights dating other people.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  January 8,2010, 3:32pm
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Going to echo the above poster a bit - how long have you been dating? If only a few weeks then I would think you are moving much faster than she is. If this has been going on for several months and the relationship is not really warming up then either she needs a lot of space or she is just not that into you.

One thing I will say though, is that I will try my best to reciprocate but I love a man who takes the initiative. If he needs/wishes to communicate more frequently then it's nice if he just picks up the phone and calls rather than waiting for me to do it. His actions will certainly draw me into investing more as well over time.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #5  January 8,2010, 4:19pm
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Well I just have two quick thoughts for you.

All the "rest of your dates" were different, yes ~ but they also didn't quite work out didn't they? So DIFFERENT is a GOOD THING! You actually don't want this one to be the same as the others, because that means it'll END! lol

Thought #2. I had dated this gal who was absolutely awesome for a short time period at my last job. At first we did talk and spend a lot of time together. But at some point we didn't because we both were very busy at work (especially her). We didn't work out cuz I wanted more but she just didnt' have the time. Years later, turns out we are still in great standing and catch up and she told me recently that she had to dump ANOTHER guy because she is just too busy to accomodate how often the guy wants to see her.

Opened my eyes a lot ~ all this time I thought she was giving me the brush off. Turns out she truly was that busy.

SOOOOO.. the lesson here is ~ judge not by what you think how often they should be communicating with you (especially compared to other past relationships), JUDGE MORESO on that person's life and how much time it actually affords them to contact you and see if it is a reasonable explanation. In other words, judge the situation for THE ACTUAL SITUATION ~ not some pre-determined expectation you've created or have come accustomed to via other relationships.

Richey
 
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churumbeque is online now churumbeque Post #6  January 8,2010, 4:25pm
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pancho1984 wrote :
Hello All,

Thanks to EH I recently started dating a wonderful woman with whom I'd have otherwise never crossed paths.
Young, pretty, unbelievably smart - I'm amazed.

I've dated young and old, rich and poor. This is an awesome match, and we hit it off from the get go.

Here's one difference though when compared to past relationships: For whatever reason communication is very sparse and it concerns me. When we spend time together, it is absolutely awesome. However, between those times, days can go by without much communication if any at all.

Are you a high achiever? How do you read for a professional woman to go 3-4 days without much communication? Perhaps because of her field (engineering) her thought process is somewhat segmented (focused on a thing at the time) so during the week while at work or home she'll seldom text or call. We talked about this last night in person and agreed to work on it. She also hasnt been in a relationship for over a year and half which she says is probably another reason why shes not entirely in a real dating mindset yet.

To me it's just a little puzzling/concerning because everyone I have dated, we were usually in touch on a daily basis.

So what do YOU think? any similar experiences?
I read it as she is not needy and has a life besides you. I am not one to talk on the phone daily. If you push her she will feel closed in and may move on. Nothing wrong with not talking everyday at this stage. I would rather prefer it.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #7  January 8,2010, 4:47pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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If she is a 'high achiever' with a very involved occupation you may simply be somewhat of an afterthought for her. That may be something quite likely with people who are very personally invested in their careers.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #8  January 8,2010, 6:26pm
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You know I have thought about this a fair bit. I think one problem with these online dating things is email is initially one of the only steady indicators you have of interest. So it becomes like this yardstick, but I'm not sure it's all that healthy to use it that way.

I am personally in a profession where constant barrages of emails are really very distracting. I'm trying to write a story and find my mind wandering to some email from some friend, colleague etc. And I don't really want my mind wandering ... I want to get my work done. I want to focus on life out here in the real world.

So personally, I limit exposure to emails except from Really Important Longstanding People.

Those RILPs don't hear from me every day. So why should a new potential I'm not sure about expect to hear from me every day? He may sometimes ... but he also may not if I am trying to focus on an important project or just worked a 14 hour day and am too tired to really think about a response. That doesn't mean I'm not interested in him. I am just trying to manage my expectations in a healthy way and keep my mind focused appropriately and make an intelligible response.

That said I usually will try to respond within a 48-hour period bc I don't want to be rude and I think most people are so used to instant emails that they feel you're being rude if you wait much longer. (however I know some writers who limit exposure to emails even more than this to short curcuit the constant looking for emails while you're writing syndrome)

Maybe I am thinking about this all wrong ... but I am just illustrating that there are many different points of view and what matters most is the view of the woman you are dating, not us.
Last edited by nightling; January 8,2010 at 6:29pm.
 
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singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #9  January 8,2010, 6:39pm
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Well said, Richey! I think you have to keep in mind that different individuals have different needs and expectations. Do you really need to speak to one another daily to maintain and grow your relationship? If you feel that you do, but she feels she doesn't, the relationship may become very stressful for both of you.
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #10  January 8,2010, 6:42pm
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jayjay wrote :
If she is a 'high achiever' with a very involved occupation you may simply be somewhat of an afterthought for her. That may be something quite likely with people who are very personally invested in their careers.
Been there, dumped by that.
 
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