The first phone call, please help!


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lizaloo is offline lizaloo Post #1  January 8,2010, 8:47am
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So I was matched with this guy and we've been talking for about almost two weeks with guided communication, texting, and IM. So yesterday we decided I would give him a call today to talk. Well it didn't go bad, but I did most of the talking. I'm a talkative person so that isn't a big deal, but when we had finished a topic there would just be this silence. After a few awkward seconds I'd just start a new topic. I'm just disappointed, I thought we'd have a good phone convo after talking for hours on end on IM and email. I know he's a pretty shy guy, but I'm just disappointed by how our conversation went. We have a first date in about a week. Should I be making a big deal about this? What do you think? Has this happened to anyone?
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #2  January 8,2010, 12:55pm
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Sounds like you're talking too much before meeting. It shouldn't take "hours on end". Save that for when you meet.

Silence on a phone call is pretty normal. It can be hard to tell when the other person is done. It sounds like you expect the phone chat to be some magical conversation like you're living in a movie.
 
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javajava5 is offline javajava5 Post #3  January 8,2010, 1:09pm
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Dear Lizaloo,

Welcome to eHarmony Advice and congratulations on your match! It's my pleasure to welcome you!

Don't put too much emphasis on this first phone call. Keep in mind that initial talks on the phone can be awkward for some people and that it is not necessarily a true reflection of what the person is like in real life.

Yes, it is disappointing after you've had such wonderful emails, IM's (instant messages) and such, but it's way too early to throw the baby out with the bath water!

Don't make a big deal of it, allow yourself to get past your disappointment, and go out on your date and have a good time.

Everyone is different and people respond in different ways to that which is relatively new. Give your match every opportunity to work out and be slow to judge. See how it goes over time. You'll know soon enough if he may be a keeper or not over time as you seen him in different situations and as he sees you in different situations.

Some people are more shy than others and not everyone is as fast thinking over the phone as you appear to be; additionally, you have acquired more phone social skills, possibly, then he has and know how to put them to good use. Each person's learning curve is different.

See how it is in person and know that first dates can be awkward too but can get much better on subsequent dates. Right now, you just don't have enough to go on to make any sort of definitive decision.

Don't let this bit of disappointment spoil what may turn out to be a wonderful match! Again, you just don't know yet so give it your best effort!

Wishing you well on your date and be sure and write and let us know how it goes!

JavaJava5
 
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referee is offline referee Post #4  January 8,2010, 1:45pm
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The silence is normal for a guy. Keep the conversations short. On the first date be yourself and nothing less or more. Men like mystery, keep the first date very short and make eye contact with him, not everything and everyone else.
If it goes well there can always be a second date, but if it is bad you only have to tolerate 30 minutes and give you time to rethink the possibilities of a second.
Good Luck
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  January 8,2010, 2:38pm
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mrflyer wrote :
Sounds like you're talking too much before meeting. It shouldn't take "hours on end". Save that for when you meet.

Silence on a phone call is pretty normal. It can be hard to tell when the other person is done. It sounds like you expect the phone chat to be some magical conversation like you're living in a movie.

I agree.

I think you've let too much time elapse already. (I would be losing interest fast, at this rate.)

I think it is natural and common to have some awkwardness with a new person, especially on the phone.
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #6  January 8,2010, 3:06pm
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naw, not a big deal. put your mind at ease and just give yourself and him time to acclimate.
 
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rainlax is offline rainlax Post #7  January 8,2010, 4:15pm
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I wouldn't be worried about it. Some people just aren't comfortable with talking on the phone! I'm one of those myself and have many awkward silences during my phone calls because I just hate talking on the phone. Unless it's one of three specific people, I really hate don't want to be on the phone and would prefer email, IM or in person. Even with my ex of five years! I'm sure it'll be a lot easier in person. Don't fret!
 
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GEF2 is offline GEF2 Post #8  January 8,2010, 5:40pm
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He's probably just shy like you said or not a phone guy. He might have been nervous. Give him a chance and go out with him. Sometimes it takes a little time for someone to open up and become comfortable around the opposite sex. I wouldn't be concerned at this point.
 
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singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #9  January 8,2010, 6:14pm
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I wouldn't be too worried at this point. As others have pointed out, he may be shy or nervous. Also, my experience is that many men just don't enjoy chatting on the phone.

Also, as D_Lion said, I would try to move to meeting faster in the future.

Good luck!
 
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MagicalTrev is offline MagicalTrev Post #10  January 8,2010, 6:53pm
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I know exactly what you mean about the odd silences, and I think mrflyer has it right. It's hard to tell when someone new that you are talking to on the phone for the very first time is done speaking.

That's why I end all my statements or questions with, "Respond" during the call. For example, "Hey, how are you? Respond."
 
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