mneiman is offline mneiman Post #1  January 8,2010, 7:04am
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I have been dating two women and have two other prospects that I have been comunicating with that I am very interested in. Here is my problem. I have begun to develop feelings for one of the women and want to begin focusing exclusively on her. Of course this means not seeing or communicating with the others. Only the love gods know what will ultimately happen but my concern is, if things do not work out with her how can I leave things with the others where I can re-initiate things? Yes, I know it means being honest with them but I guess I'm trying to avoid the 'hmmmmph, I'm not going to be the second choice' sort of thing. Any suggestions? Do I have a prayer?
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #2  January 8,2010, 7:10am
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mneiman wrote :
Do I have a prayer?
Probably not.

You are basically trying to keep your options open with the other women while waiting to make sure things work out with the one you like the best.

Don't be so 'honest' as to be socially inept when you tell them you don't want to pursue things at the moment. Just tell them you need some time and you understand they might be looking at other options.

If things don't work out with the woman you are interested, hopefully at least one of the others is still around. Good luck!
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #3  January 8,2010, 7:29am

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mneiman wrote :
I have been dating two women and have two other prospects that I have been comunicating with that I am very interested in. Here is my problem. I have begun to develop feelings for one of the women and want to begin focusing exclusively on her. Of course this means not seeing or communicating with the others. Only the love gods know what will ultimately happen but my concern is, if things do not work out with her how can I leave things with the others where I can re-initiate things? Yes, I know it means being honest with them but I guess I'm trying to avoid the 'hmmmmph, I'm not going to be the second choice' sort of thing. Any suggestions? Do I have a prayer?
There is no way in heck that you can word that without getting the second choice response. The why is easy, because they are. You need to accept that you are going to lose the other three. Do you really think they are going to wait around until you figure out what you want? Give me a break. Make your choice and live with it.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #4  January 8,2010, 7:39am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Once you have lit a match....you can't unlight it. There are things in life that you don't get a second chance at. By letting go of other women so you can focus on one it's entirely possible that you won't get another chance with the others. That's just the way it is. You roll the dice and you take your chance. Good luck.
 
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mneiman is offline mneiman Post #5  January 8,2010, 7:46am
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Give me a break...... I'm not expecting anyone to "wait around". Simply to be open about it if I contact them and they are available.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #6  January 8,2010, 8:19am

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Age old conundrum eh?
 
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tjlpd is offline tjlpd Post #7  January 8,2010, 8:25am
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You probably will lose the other woman you have been dating. If someone told me they were going to pursue someone else and we were just talking, I would likely give them a chance if they contacted me later and I was still available. (if I was really interested).
 
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Mickey275 is offline Mickey275 Post #8  January 8,2010, 8:44am
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So what you're really saying is you want to keep Women #2 and #3 on the back burner so you can explore your options with Woman #1, and if Woman #1 doesn't work out, you want the option of going back to either #2 or #3? Good luck, buddy, because if #2 and/or #3 begin to suspect they're your "fallback," they're going to drop YOU and move on...and probably won't be receptive to your future efforts to reach out to them, if they have any self-respect, that is.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #9  January 8,2010, 8:55am

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mneiman wrote :
Give me a break...... I'm not expecting anyone to "wait around". Simply to be open about it if I contact them and they are available.
I am sorry if I sound harsh but since you posted this thread it seems you already knew the answer but had hoped someone has the magic pill.

No matter how you word it what you are saying is I have a spark with this woman that I don't with you but if I am wrong about her can I come back to you and try to find that same spark with you. Her answer would be if I am not worth looking for the spark now you are not worth my time.

I am just trying to be realistic here.

Could eHa please get around to fixing the HTML issues?
Last edited by Can_I_just_be_Jo; January 8,2010 at 8:57am.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #10  January 8,2010, 9:25am
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You can't avoid the second choice thing because the other women *will* be second, third and fourth choices.
I can't speak for the female half of the population but if i were them then no matter how you word the wanting to concentrate on one relationship speech (short of outright lying and saying you're being sent overseas to the land of incommunicado for six months) i sure as hell wouldn't want to hear from you when you show up and throw the bone my way again.
If you've made your choice then give it everything you've got, keeping something on the backburner is not only unfair to all involved it also shows a real lack of commitment.
 
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