HopelessRomeo is offline HopelessRomeo Post #21  January 9,2010, 2:11am
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mneiman wrote :
I have been dating two women and have two other prospects that I have been comunicating with that I am very interested in. Here is my problem. I have begun to develop feelings for one of the women and want to begin focusing exclusively on her. Of course this means not seeing or communicating with the others. Only the love gods know what will ultimately happen but my concern is, if things do not work out with her how can I leave things with the others where I can re-initiate things? Yes, I know it means being honest with them but I guess I'm trying to avoid the 'hmmmmph, I'm not going to be the second choice' sort of thing. Any suggestions? Do I have a prayer?
You need to see if the one you like wants to be exclusive with you or not. If she does and that is what you really want then you need to be honest and tell the others if you two decide to become exclusive.

If she is not ready to be exclusive with you and you want to wait then just keep your options open.

Exclusive means exclusive, you must close your options at that point or you are just a player and will likely never have a successful relationship. If your not honest with yourself you may just end up hurting the one you "like" now.

If your not exclusive then you are in my book ok to keep all your options open. Don't lie if asked. You don't have to tell anyone you are dating 5 women. If they start asking those type questions then they are probably looking for exclusivity with you and you then need to make a decision on that particular interest and again be honest with yourself.
 
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Monica1 is offline Monica1 Post #22  January 9,2010, 3:56am

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nightling wrote :
Well if you were honest from the start that you were dating around and not exclusive with anyone yet, you don't really have to explain anything, you just don't call for a while. Just my opinion though.
I agree with nightling. But, if you've told girl #1 you only want to see her or have slept with her, that's a different thing. I've found it's best to be honest from the start as to if you're dating anyone else because if you become closer to someone, at least it's fair and they are aware of what they are dealing with. As things evolve, you can discuss your relationship "status" and what you want and are willing to give up/not give up, etc. Keep it fair and honest with all
 
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Monica1 is offline Monica1 Post #23  January 9,2010, 3:57am

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HopelessRomeo wrote :
You need to see if the one you like wants to be exclusive with you or not. If she does and that is what you really want then you need to be honest and tell the others if you two decide to become exclusive.

If she is not ready to be exclusive with you and you want to wait then just keep your options open.

Exclusive means exclusive, you must close your options at that point or you are just a player and will likely never have a successful relationship. If your not honest with yourself you may just end up hurting the one you "like" now.

If your not exclusive then you are in my book ok to keep all your options open. Don't lie if asked. You don't have to tell anyone you are dating 5 women. If they start asking those type questions then they are probably looking for exclusivity with you and you then need to make a decision on that particular interest and again be honest with yourself.
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #24  January 9,2010, 4:13am

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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EH2010 wrote :
How do we define "casual" here? I have another post here about the man I've been dating and spending nights with for over a year. Yet, he is still open to other options. People said that it would always be "non-exclusive" unless I talk to him about being "exclusive". I just feel that the view about relationship has become so different from what we knew when we were kids...
You said "he" is open to other options rather than "we" are open to other options and if people are giving you advice on how to change 'exclusivity' status it must mean you're not happy with that.

Of course relationships expectations and boundaries change as we grow up but I never want to be as 'adult' as this.

There are some people who don't want exclusivity, I'm not one of them and I don't think the OP is either or the current situation wouldn't be a puzzler for him.

It's as Jennifer Aniston says to Paul Rudd in The Object of my Affection ~ "sometimes you just have to pick a person and make it work".
 
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