Not wanting to deal with kids at 48


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LadyG is offline LadyG Post #1  January 7,2010, 7:56pm
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Is there any way to approach this without sounding like a someone with a princess syndrome problem?

I do not have children partially because it turned out to be an impossibility by the time I tried and partially because I really didn't want to either. I am now 48 and am running into the problem of men my age that have teens & tweens and some even younger. I do not want to be "Mommy" as I've already done that in a previous relationship. I loved the kids like they were my own and I do love my nephews, niece, great nephews & great niece. I just really don't want to deal with having kids around and have stopped a couple relationships because of it. I don't feel like I'm a "selfish b*tch" but at this age, I don't wish to share my time with my chosen partner with "his" kids and the time it takes away from us.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  January 7,2010, 8:00pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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That sounds perfectly reasonable to me. And anyhow....the only men whose opinion really matters are the ones you want to date (the ones without kids anyway). Incidentally, how would you feel about men who have kids that are grown and out of the house? That could potentially give you quite a few more options.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #3  January 7,2010, 8:04pm
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good luck in finding a man who doesnt have kids....unless you want to be a cougar.
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #4  January 7,2010, 8:05pm
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We all have a right to our preferences, and yours is actually quite common at your age.

Obviously, it will limit your dating pool, but as long as you are ok with that, it`s certainly not an unreasonable criteria.
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #5  January 7,2010, 8:06pm
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ami1uwant wrote :
good luck in finding a man who doesnt have kids....unless you want to be a cougar.
Plenty of men aged 48+ do not have children in the home anymore. The older you go, the less likely that they`ll have kids under 18.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #6  January 7,2010, 8:14pm

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I think that is fine. I would think most men would probably have kids that are close to being out of the house.

I am not sure what kind of relationship you want (marriage, living together, dating partner). If you are not interested in marriage or living together, I would think you could still have a relationship with a man that has kids. And even if you do want marriage or living together eventually, if they are close to being out then you could just date until they are gone.

Just a thought.
 
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jayhawkgirl is offline jayhawkgirl Post #7  January 7,2010, 8:18pm
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I am 49 and feel the same way, but for a different reason. I have been a full time single mom for ten years (their father passed away) and when my youngest leaves home in a year, I will be ready for fun and freedom, and am not interested in helping to raise more kids.

I have chosen not to date a few great guys because they have younger children, but I also have had no trouble meeting men whose kids are out of the house or soon will be.
 
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Petite76 is offline Petite76 Post #8  January 7,2010, 10:05pm
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Don't make excuses for your personal preferences. If it's not something you don't wanna do, you don't wanna do it, period.

Like Peg099 said, it does limit the dating pool for you, but it's about quality over quantity after all. And for you, it means - obviously among other things - finding a man who doesn't have children who aren't adults.

I don't see why that couldn't work or why you should feel like less-than-a-good-person because of it.
 
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Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #9  January 8,2010, 5:25am
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I see this as a reasonable sentiment. My own sons are just becomeing more independent so it would feel like revisting a life I embrassed but its time to move on. I only add that is only one factor. It just might be an issue I want to deal with because of the woman concerned. Can't really know. Then again I'm not looing to share a home. I still need to give some attention to my sons.
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #10  January 8,2010, 8:08am
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ami1uwant wrote :
good luck in finding a man who doesnt have kids....unless you want to be a cougar.
This is pretty surprising to hear. I am one of them,

..and the only "Cougar" I want, now, is an old red 1967 XR7 with a 289 four barrel carb, 4-speed stick and posi-traction - like I drove back in my Law School days...




I am 61 years old and don't have any kids. I have come of age during the years when feminism and Zero Population growth "ZPG" was born (and took both VERY seriously) yet saw our population explode exponentionally, with mindless reproduction, since then:

Can't afford to have *ONE* baby ? So hey, no problem, let's have *TEN* of them.

I think at times, it is just plain selfish to want little clones of yourself walking around, for smug self satisfaction.

And the idea that they would be there to "take care of you when you are old" sounds pretty problematic, ESPECIALLY if you did a p oor job of raising them, or for whatever reason, they can or would not see it that way or be able to.

I am NOT especially alone in this thinking, and for WHATEVER reason, articulate, intelligent, thoughful people like this DO abound, especially in areas that are large and urban..

They don't wear signs.


~~


Not to say that either way it is good or bad, I understand the maternal urge very well,(we joke and say "Biology is Destiny", in big cities) and I do like it. I believe childless females sometime project it onto pets like dogs or cats, though it bothers me a LOT if I see them kiss their pet dog cat or horse on the mouth..

And the dating pool, as said above is heavy with older females that have children and grandchildren.

I have NO problem with dating such females, and often have felt VERY charmed and drawn to such women AND their kids and understand, and could share in that devotion,

Though I think in the end, since I am willing to put the woman first, she should put likewise put ME first - in the relationship, - once the kids are out of the house at least, because happily MARRIED people understand, that at the beginning, and end, the SPOUSES should cherish one another FIRST. Children are a rich blessing but their marriage and cherishing of each other must come first.

That was what I believed when I said those vows.
Last edited by 6dle899; January 8,2010 at 8:17am.
 
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