What dating issues "plague" you?


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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  January 7,2010, 10:37am
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What issues do you continually find yourself faced with in dating?
Can you never get past date number one?

Do you find yourself being too eager and driving people away just because you're enthusiastic, and it's misunderstood?

Maybe you just can't bring yourself to follow through promptly and people give up on you?
Whatever it is, share it here. Let's see what we can do in terms of giving compassionate and constructive feedback to help each other out
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #2  January 7,2010, 11:20am

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eHA_Admin_Lori wrote :
What issues do you continually find yourself faced with in dating?
Can you never get past date number one?

Do you find yourself being too eager and driving people away just because you're enthusiastic, and it's misunderstood?

Maybe you just can't bring yourself to follow through promptly and people give up on you?
Whatever it is, share it here. Let's see what we can do in terms of giving compassionate and constructive feedback to help each other out
Pardon me in advance for typing my thoughts at random.

Can you never get past date number one?
Most of the time my problem is I can't get past date number zero!

Do you find yourself being too eager and driving people away just because you're enthusiastic, and it's misunderstood? Not necessarily. Maybe when I was younger...but through my observation/experience, it's probably cultural. American culture is very laid back when it comes to superficial connection (acquaintances, talking to strangers in a bus, etc) but people definitely are easily freaked out when you show enthusiasm at a deeper level. Maybe it's more about they're just not interested in you kinda deal.

It's pretty exhausting to always try to find the balance...talk too much? talk to little? Call too soon? Call too late? Text instead of calling? Hold hands too soon? Not kissing soon enough? Too forward? Too polite? Some women wish men would share their feelings and not watch sports too much. I like talking about my feelings and hate watching sports...then I fall into the 'not manly enough' and got matched with rock-climbing, NFL watching women.

In my experience dating in the US has turned into game of first impression and self-presentation than for people to really go beyond the surface. I think that's where I fail many times is possibly saying even one word, or one sentence or do one thing that just suddenly turns the other person away (whatever that might be). Often times I feel dating is like performing for an audience or selling something to a specifc market and my issue is I feel what I'm offering does not appeal to this market.

Simple deal-breakers: Many put extreme weight on 'simple' things and turn them into deal-breakers. Granted, I might make a mistake of answering my phone during a date...or accepted an offer to split the bill, or other things...but what might be a small thing for me, it could be a huge deal breaker for some women and it is extremely frustrating to not know what they are.

Attraction is in the eye of the beholder: Sometimes it doesn't matter what you can offer, is HOW the other people see what you can offer. It's also influenced heavily with the culture where that person grows up in (ok I just ended a sentence with a preposition )

Issues: Extremely fearful of the expectations imposed upon me to impress, wine/dine, having to fulfill the checklist of 'dos/donts' and turning dating into maintaining women's happiness than our happiness...at least that's what I learn from this message board.

Just my short list of dating issues....other than that I'm perfectly fine
Last edited by PY_2; January 7,2010 at 11:26am.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #3  January 7,2010, 1:57pm
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I know in my past I tended to be over-eager and zealous and that would push people away.

But it seems recently that the biggest "hump" I seem to always face is that the women I've chosen to date... all of a sudden "change" mid-flight and become a different person, and start acting weird, and become something I really don't want to date. And so I end it and walk.

I've wondered if it's me sabotaging, if I'm a committment phobe, or somethign else. I know (after thinking about it) it's not the committment phobe thing ~ I dont' thnk I"m sabotaging things. I just think THEY get weird! lol

Either that or, I just need to learn to choose 'em better and try somethign different (which I finally did this time and things seem to be going well!)

Richey
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #4  January 7,2010, 3:10pm

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Only Richey and I posted....this can only mean one thing.

We're the only ones with issues
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #5  January 7,2010, 5:38pm
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PY_2 wrote :
Only Richey and I posted....this can only mean one thing.

We're the only ones with issues
Or the only ones brave enough to post.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  January 7,2010, 5:44pm
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That might be the biggest post PY ever made.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #7  January 7,2010, 5:58pm

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PY_2 wrote :
Only Richey and I posted....this can only mean one thing.

We're the only ones with issues
Too funny!! Yeah, no...you guys aren't the only ones...that is for sure.

***

I don't want to date and that is an issue all by itself. But once I start dating again, especially since it will probably be through edating, I have that annoying thing of not being attracted to my matches, including the ones that I should be - at least it seems like I should be.

So I will be back to the multiple dates with the same guys and then one day, yeah, no - I don't like them and they are left going what happened!!

I hate dating!!
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #8  January 7,2010, 5:59pm

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D_Lion wrote :
That might be the biggest post PY ever made.
And it was a great one too!!
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #9  January 7,2010, 6:20pm

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Believe it or not I had to even leave some stuff out! It could've been much longer

But I want to make sure it's still short enough for people to want to read it
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #10  January 7,2010, 6:25pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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The biggest difficulty for me is finding women I have a lot of interest in. In the 2 1/2 years I've been dating I've found less than a handful of women like this.
 
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