What dating issues "plague" you?


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gcoleman99 is offline gcoleman99 Post #41  January 12,2010, 8:28pm
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is conflicted and stuff

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littlebluemonkeymind wrote :
Oh, I have issues, Wootz. I just don't have the time or energy to detail them.

But I think "I live in Mississippi" covers the basics.
It does for this LA man! (only in the sense that you're 3/4 of the way across the country... I close matches that are more than 45 miles N or W of me).
Last edited by gcoleman99; January 13,2010 at 1:15pm. Reason: clarity!
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #42  January 13,2010, 12:25pm
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If I think back I think I had several faults.

1) I was too eager -- I would meet a really cool woman and be happy but get too eager and scare her away. I suppose I might have done the same thing with the current girlfriend but she was head over heels for me too after the first date and so it worked out.

2) I have always been plagued by my own insecurities. In the past I battled with self-esteem problems and women catch on to this. I was also paranoid so when I met women I think I questioned them too much even if they made it clear they were interested and I wanted to know why. Mixture of being too eager and being too immature.

3) I used to not be open enough with my thoughts, I could get up in front of the entire school and give a speech trying to get elected for STUCO president and I could make a fool of myself and be silly and such but when it came to talking to women I was lost and would usually start talking about some nerdy topic. Of course I still talk about nerdy topics and the girlfriend is a nerd so it works.

I think I have greatly matured in the last year in many ways and now I am happily dating a wonderful woman and hope to keep it that way.
 
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Locke1682 is offline Locke1682 Post #43  March 11,2012, 3:03pm
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My first is issue number two:
I have a bit of a unique personality (that's a nice way of saying it!). So, I have been told by many people I can be overwhelming, not boorish, just a lot to take in. This is from friends and colleagues, not women I am dating, they are generally too polite. I get very enthusiastic and excited about possibilities when I meet someone I genuinely enjoy spending time with. In my mind it is harmless and it isn't that I feel the relationship is more advanced than it is, it's more like boyish excitement really. But, of course, I have to remember that these women don't know me well enough to know that it is just enthusiasm, I am not thinking we will marry in a week, I just want to get coffee. Specifically, during the early dating phases I will call maybe twice a week, once I have set something up I usually leave it be until the time comes (I am a very busy person), but during the date I am pretty affectionate and act with great enthusiasm. I can see this as potentially overwhelming. I spend a lot of time alone due to my work so by the time I see someone I want to talk to opens up the floodgates. It is a misunderstanding though, I a a verbal sort of guy so if I feel we need to advance or get off the pot I will say so. I have to remember they don't know me from Adam when we start dating and I have to slowly demonstrate that this is my nature.

Second problem is I am more about the person and company than the things we are doing, and I can find enjoyment in most things. So I am more often than not going to say "I don't care, what do you want to do?" when planning a night out. In reality, I don't care, that's not why I am calling you . If it is my goal simply to eat at said restaurant etc... I would just eat there. So, this seems to be sometimes understood as not being a "man", or being spineless. I exert my confidence in more subtle ways, and eventually they will figure out that I am not Johnny take control of everything so why waste their time?

I am also a strong believer in no deceit in the first dates. I have dated the woman that changed her personality once we got serious many times, I do not want to do the same to the women I care about. This is something I have no intention of changing, but boy oh boy has it bit me in the butt before.
 
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Locke1682 is offline Locke1682 Post #44  March 11,2012, 3:15pm
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szgorzelski wrote :

One issue is I'm military. People say nice things a lot, like they're proud of me and thank you and all that gobbly gook, but when it comes to dating women see deployments and aggressiveness. I suppose that's fair, although I am in a unit that deploys 3 months max. Heck, I've been in almost 5 years now and have never deployed.

I suppose the military thing is the main issue.
I am not military, but my job puts me in Oil Fields, far away from contact a combined total of about 4-6 months a year. It has killed me in the dating world. Failure to launch sort of situation. Women unfamiliar with it are very enthusiastic and enamoured by the "adventure" of it at first, but oh so quickly the novelty wears off, and that goof at the office looks a damn site better than this cursing, dirty, gruff guy in the Montana Oil Fields that she hasn't seen in four weeks. I feel ya.
 
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Jen74 is offline Jen74 Post #45  March 12,2012, 5:53pm
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Northern Canada - extremely limited. I think I've only seen 2 people within 250 miles in the last few weeks, and I was surprised to see that many...seems everyone I talk to is a good 6 to 8 hour drive away, at least! Makes those impromptu dates a little challenging...
 
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boomer_gal is offline boomer_gal Post #46  March 12,2012, 9:58pm
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Age... most men my age seem to prefer dating younger women. And at 60, if a man is too much older than I am, he is starting to really get old. And that doesn't appeal to me.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #47  March 12,2012, 10:01pm
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boomer_gal wrote :
Age... most men my age seem to prefer dating younger women. And at 60, if a man is too much older than I am, he is starting to really get old. And that doesn't appeal to me.
Is over sixty really that old? Sometimes older people who say things like that scare me.
 
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boomer_gal is offline boomer_gal Post #48  March 12,2012, 10:14pm
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harnomygirl wrote :
Is over sixty really that old? Sometimes older people who say things like that scare me.
No, over 60 isn't old. But I think once you get up to 70, then it can be a turning point. Some folks maintain their health well into their 70s, even 80s. But as a nurse, I have seen lot of people go down hill rather rapidly in their 70s. Ideally, I would like to see a man +/- 5 years of my age. Even as a young woman, I never was very interested in men 10 years my senior.

But for the sake of argument, if I was saying over 60 was really old, what would be scary about that? Certainly many men would say just that.
 
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jamesp81 is offline jamesp81 Post #49  March 15,2012, 10:45am
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Need to lose about 30 lbs. Tried rigorous exercise, doesn't work that well. Even when I'm in good condition as I have been before, I will always appear a bit 'chunky'.

IOW, there's precious little I can do about it, but that is my issue. I'm pretty certain any and all dating of mine would be considerably more successful if I could do something about this.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #50  March 16,2012, 8:42am
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boomer_gal wrote :
No, over 60 isn't old. But I think once you get up to 70, then it can be a turning point. Some folks maintain their health well into their 70s, even 80s. But as a nurse, I have seen lot of people go down hill rather rapidly in their 70s. Ideally, I would like to see a man +/- 5 years of my age. Even as a young woman, I never was very interested in men 10 years my senior.

But for the sake of argument, if I was saying over 60 was really old, what would be scary about that? Certainly many men would say just that.
Hmm, a couple of years ago I had a match that was quite a few years younger than I, like mid 40s at the time. She had, had gastric bypass because of being extremely overweight. Had already had one hip replaced. I forget all the other medical problems she had.

And you think people's health begins to deteriorate rapidly in their 70s
 
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