I thought we were exclusive...now not communicating...how long do I wait?


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larryk is offline larryk Post #21  January 7,2010, 9:05pm
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tweet37 wrote :
Forget the "might wanna" stuff. You should call him. Texting is the most non-personal way of communicating.
This totally depends upon the age group involved. i would concur with your statement for people over 30.
those under 30 typically prefer 'text' to ANY phone
conversation. heck, my 20-something sons dont answer ANY phone calls, but simply text everyone and
anyone for whatever communication they desire. its the
way of the world for youngens........
 
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Petite76 is offline Petite76 Post #22  January 7,2010, 10:00pm
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larryk wrote :
This totally depends upon the age group involved. i would concur with your statement for people over 30.
those under 30 typically prefer 'text' to ANY phone
conversation. heck, my 20-something sons dont answer ANY phone calls, but simply text everyone and
anyone for whatever communication they desire. its the
way of the world for youngens........
That, I believe, does not change the fact that texting is a very non-personal way of communication. I'm 33 and it bugs the hell out of me when a lot of people around my age - quite a few of them in their early 40s - use texts as their main medium. And of course, we now could go into long discussions about how interpersonal relationships are generally becoming less and less personal these days, but bottom line is: just because a lot of people do it, it doesn't make it "right."

I've recently read a study about counter-dependency; it was a list of behavioral patterns counter-dependent adults follow and why they follow them, and one of them was "they mainly communicate via texts, emails, or IM." Why do they do it? Because it's less personal than actually talking, and it gives them more time to come up with a response.
 
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RocklinGirl82 is offline RocklinGirl82 Post #23  January 8,2010, 1:03am
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ANOTHER UPDATE! Everything is well, we talked, talked some more, and had a really good dinner together.

His thought was that we are dating yes, but should also be "friends," and friends text each other, say hi, goodnight, that kind of stuff. And he had suddenly realized that all contact between us had always sprung from him, never from me. He decided to suddenly stop calling & texting, and see what happens. So for a couple days I wondered, but thought maybe he just needed some space, maybe just forgot...then finally sent a message...a little afraid of not getting a reply, but he wrote back friendly & happy. Nothing from him the next night, so once again I just had to find out what was up, and that's when he told me why.

I felt so dumb, I could have saved myself so much wondering if I had just done what I naturally would have done & checked with him right away when I didn't hear anything at the usual time.

Lesson learned for sure :-)
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #24  January 8,2010, 9:42am
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Petite76 wrote :
Ladies, do you think you could try and get over the whole texting thing?

You might as well argue with a tree.

Hopeless. Even the OP here is ignoring the suggestion.
 
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RocklinGirl82 is offline RocklinGirl82 Post #25  January 8,2010, 10:49am
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6dle899 wrote :
Hopeless. Even the OP here is ignoring the suggestion.
Actually, I completely agree with the not texting thing. It is very impersonal, and has been the cause of confusion more than once. But what am I to do? It is his main way of communicating (other than in person of course). I suppose I could insist on not ever texting, but why make an issue out of it?
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #26  January 8,2010, 10:55am
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I think texting is a way to turn communications impersonal. There are times, when that is completely fine. If I am on my way somewhere or coming from somewhere... texting seems completely appropriate as a quick hi, check-in.However, if you have the time to email, etc. do so.I am in the same boat with phone calls though... I typically email over talking on the phone... hmmm...
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #27  January 8,2010, 11:02am
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jussmile wrote :
I think texting is a way to turn communications impersonal.
Believe me, texting can be very personal
 
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Petite76 is offline Petite76 Post #28  January 11,2010, 7:10am
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RocklinGirl82 wrote :
Actually, I completely agree with the not texting thing. It is very impersonal, and has been the cause of confusion more than once. But what am I to do? It is his main way of communicating (other than in person of course). I suppose I could insist on not ever texting, but why make an issue out of it?
Communication is the key.
If you really do "agree with the not texting thing" and it really does bother you, why don't you let him know?
However well two people get along, they're two individual human beings, and unless they communicate their wishes and expectations, they will end up being frustrated.

Again, why couldn't you tell him that using texts as the main medium for communication does bother you? (That is, if it really does.) For most people, I believe, relying on texts too much is nothing more than a bad habit. Why shouldn't someone try to get rid of a bad habit when they find a person
they're interested in?

What if, let's say, he's used to going out with his boys both Saturday and Sunday nights, and several months into the relationship, he still doesn't seem to want to change it and it starts bothering you because you'd like to spend some time with him on the only days of the week most adults have the opportunity to spend more than a couple hours together? Will you just go and say, "But what can I do if that's what he does?"
It was just a random example, but I think you get the picture.

Also, don't forget that we all set our own expectations early on in the dating process, oftentimes unknowingly. (Just think of the pattern he set by calling every day and how much it made you freak out when you didn't hear from him for a few days. It's not a question of whether something's "right or wrong," it's about establishing patterns.) If your general attitude towards him is "There's nothing I can do, I'll just go along with everything he does even if it's something I don't like," when you get frustrated with something later on, and let him know about it - something that he's been doing from the start, - he'll have every right to think you're just picking on him or trying to start a fight, because you never even mentioned it earlier.

Letting a person know you don't necessarily agree with something they do doesn't have to be dramatic. It can actually be really sweet. You can let him know you "like to hear his voice" and you "feel closer to him when you talk vs. when you text."
 
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