Seemingly sweet guy pulls a crappy move


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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #31  January 7,2010, 4:43am
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I just saved a bundle on child support by switching to condoms!

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That's a very manipulative trick. For the audience members that said it was a "guy trick", all I can say is that I forgive you for being sexist and making generalizations. Just as long as you're sorry...

Someone who apologizes too prematurely is not really listening to you. It's just a defensive technique to quiet the other person. Really they have no defense, so they have to resort to this trick. Not only is it manipulative, it's rude and cold. The person isn't validating your feelings or concerns. The guy seems like he lacks a backbone.
 
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Lilycat is offline Lilycat Post #32  January 7,2010, 5:28am
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Just been lurking for a while....... but back again lol.

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If this is the same guy you posted about before, dump him. This has gone on far too long.

Pathological liar? Does it matter anymore? Did he not stand you up on a vacation, leaving you stuck somewhere? I can't recall the details, but I remember the post......

There is no excuse for his behaviour period.

Your family told you you need to be more accommodating in relationships, well maybe that's true to a point.

Accommodating yes.

Doormat no.

Talk is cheap, so's this guy.

Excuses 'r us?

There are decent people out there, he is not one of them.

Good luck with your search, and they can't be all bad.........

Seriously look at what you are getting out of this other than the appearance of some attention and a long distance bill.......

Lilycat
 
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grlnxtdr is offline grlnxtdr Post #33  January 7,2010, 4:50pm
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If nice guys finish last, I'll be waiting by the finish line, Hurry up!

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valencia wrote :
Okay before you start calling me immature, I only use this technique with people that nag and won't take no for an answer, it helps get the person to stop nagging for awhile. So...are you nagging your boyfriend? Nagging doesn't work, that's when the empty promises start. Same goes for the apologies,,,they buy time. Decide if you want this guy or not. Either accept his apology or kick him to the curb, I'm not even a guy and I use the apology technique, but only for people who won't listen other wise.
Good luck.
That's just it I am not a nagger, as a matter of fact, it is one of the qualities he said he liked. He is more likely to say that I should call more often, but the thing is I have never been one to crowd out a partner. Once a day is fine by me and if he is busy, I can understand then today's a miss and tommorrow will do...

However by promises I do mean sometimes that I will call and he promises to call back in a minute and then he disappears for a day or two days; the explanation that he had a migraine. Or it could be that he says he is coming to visit on a Friday which was a holiday weekend in my country (mind you it takes planning for a overseas trip!) and then he doesn't call back until Sunday to say sorry that he couldn't come (happened more than once). Promises also include meeting up in Atlanta for a December trip I had there, but he bailed as well...

He will offer to pay for stuff that I have not asked for him to pay for- such as asking how much was your phone bill (given how much we talk). I have never complained about the bill, and thought -Oh! what a sweet gesture, but as it turns out, the promise never materialized.

I have moved on, but I just wondered what the heck?

The contrary thing is that once it is a regular day with no promises to fulfil, he is the most attentive and caring (sounding partner). The minute he makes a plan or promise with me, that's the time problems arise- by problems I mean he disappears and always has an excuse.[/quote]
Wow, now that is a horse or a totally differant color. He is a jerk. Most guys do not do this. He seems like he might be hiding a wife or something. It is good that you moved on, and you have the wisdom to realize that his treatment was not good.

As for most guys using this tactic,,,that's a big no. If a guy disappears on you, and has no reasonable explanation, then he is a jerk, bottom line. Sure, he may have a migraine, but he got it a minute after he hung up on you? Did he not have a migraine when you were on the phone with him. Migraines don't get full blown in a minute, so bad that you can't call a girl for two days. It sounds like maybe his "migraine" called him and had better plans, or the "migraine" called him and told him he needed to come home and watch the kids.

This guy was telling you whatever you needed/wanted to hear, to keep you interested. It is the oldest trick in the book, but it's not normal nice guy behavior. Fear not, for the future is bright, you have been conned by this trickster, once, but it will never happen again, and you will not fall for this trick again from any other guy.
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #34  January 7,2010, 5:02pm
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valencia wrote :
Truth be told, it is probably easier to spot a scammer of money, than one is trying to scam your heart/feelings!
Sadly, this is quite true.

Learn to tune into and trust your instincts and good luck!
 
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