Need help with some serious decoding.


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hope4thehopeless is offline hope4thehopeless Post #1  January 5,2010, 7:20pm
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So I met this guy on EH and we've been seeing each other since August. We've seen each other at least once a week since we met, but he'll call and text me everyday. We've already gone on trips together snowboarding/surfing trip and it's always been so amazing and fun. The problem is......

In passing during our first trip we some how end up talking about being exclusive (or it might have been bf/gf I'm not too sure...) and he actually gave a time frame of 5 months. He said it was to make sure we wouldn't want to be with other people. This made perfect sense to me, if I find another guy I'd rather be with more then we had no strings attached and everything would be ok. What made me question "us" was the fact that there was a deadline (so to speak).

Then a couple of days ago also in passing he mentioned how he didn't have any time to date. I looked at him puzzled because I didn't know where that left me, I didn't press him to explain because I really don't want to scare him off.

Now this may have been my fault but before our first trip together he was telling me about his day and I came up and he introduced me as "his chick" I kind of chuckled which made him ask what I told my friends he was to me (not in those exact words of course), I casually said that he was my friend because I honestly didn't know what we were at that point.

Okay but now fast forward from the first trip a little and he leaves me a voice mail saying I could be his number one...

So with all this information I seriously CANNOT figure out what we are. I'm not going to bring up the "Where do we stand" conversation with him until I can get a clearer understanding of what this all means.

By the way we're both super busy, but when either of us has free time we'll see each other, he says he's not seeing anyone else I'm not either and I've told him that (and yes we have done it) I also made the mistake of reading "He's just not that into you" so I think that if I were really worth it to him I would know exactly where I stand with him.. But I also realize it's not always that linear. So if someone can help me decipher this it would help out.
 
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goosielucy is offline goosielucy Post #2  January 5,2010, 7:31pm
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Well, if you are not his girlfriend and he is not your boyfriend, then what are you to eachother?

'You're his chick', sounds like the girl he screws or one of a few girls he sees and not much else, sorry to say.

I think after five months if he cannot call you his girlfriend, having not dated other girls, then I don't know what is up.

Now, he's saying you could be his number one? How many more months will that take to know for sure? He's uncommittal to say the least, and I think possibly interested in still playing the field.

Unless you are agreeable to continuing as his chick and possibly each of you still dating others, then I would ask him straight if he wishes to be exclusive - as in he is your boyfriend and you are his girlfriend or not.
Last edited by goosielucy; January 5,2010 at 7:33pm. Reason: elaboration
 
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theweave is offline theweave Post #3  January 5,2010, 7:44pm
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I have to agree with the previous poster. If it has been this long and he still not committing to you but tells you he is not seeing anyone else... something is up with that.

You need to pin him down one night or day and have "The talk" with him. It is only fair to you. Tell him straight up how you feel and see what happens. You might not hear what you want to hear, but at least than you will know for sure.

Otherwise, you are giving him permission to string you along and be his "chick"... I seriously doubt you want to be a chick after this long!

If he is still no committal, than I guess he is not going to be your boyfriend... and it is time to move on!
 
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Nikita79 is offline Nikita79 Post #4  January 5,2010, 7:46pm
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Why don't you ask him directly? It sounds like you were okay with the 5 month time frame, but now you want an answer and I don't think it would be unfair of you to ask for clarification.

In all honesty though, I agree with the previous responses. 5 months is a damn long time to call someone your "chick".
 
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hope4thehopeless is offline hope4thehopeless Post #5  January 5,2010, 7:51pm
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He hasn't called me that since I found out that he called me that. Now he tells people he's seeing me. And I still dont know what that means.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #6  January 5,2010, 8:19pm
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Hmmm... I guess I have a much more benevolent interpretation. From everything you've said, it appears that he is only seeing you and that he is pretty serious about the relationship. I see his calling you his "chick" as just being kind of silly and cute -- definitely not that he sees you as just some woman he uses for sex. (And goodness! Certainly you can think of something to call him other than simply "a friend"; that doesn't make him seem special at all...)

It appears that he gives a lot of significance to the term "girlfriend," and that he needs to feel very strongly attached before using it. But, it sounds like that is indeed what you are whether the word gets used or not.

In any event, you are at about that 5 month mark, so it's certainly reasonable now to have a talk about your relationship and do some peering into the future. The people on these boards can't figure this one out for you; the only way to do that is to talk with him.
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #7  January 5,2010, 8:30pm
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neardc wrote :
In any event, you are at about that 5 month mark, so it's certainly reasonable now to have a talk about your relationship and do some peering into the future. The people on these boards can't figure this one out for you; the only way to do that is to talk with him.
+1
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  January 6,2010, 6:34am
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Him calling her his chick could be silly but more typically calling a woman a chick has some derogatory undertones. It can just as easily be interpreted as she is just some girl I'm messing around with. Bottom line is that it is high time for you to ask for some clarity about this. Either you'll hear what you want or you won't, but at least you'll know where you stand and where you want to go from there. Much better than being in limbo.
 
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Contango is offline Contango Post #9  January 6,2010, 6:42am
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Nikita79 wrote :
Why don't you ask him directly?
DING DING DING...WINNAH!

If you aren't comfy enough with him to ask the question directly, that tells you the answer now doesn't it?
 
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richey is offline richey Post #10  January 6,2010, 6:40pm
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Hope,

I hate to say this, but he sounds like a playuh to me. From thet beginning he said he wanted to "make sure we don't want to see anybody else" and that should've been clue #1 this wasn't going anywhere.

Beyond that he said you "could be my #1" which means he's ranking multiple women and egging all of you on to make you all compete with each other (aka do more and more for him) for the "title" of being his #1.

And yes.... "you're his chick"... not really something somebody who's seeing something as a committed relatoinship says.

The problem with using the "why don't you ask him directly" approach is that it assumes the person you are asking is a truthtful, honest person. But what happens when they aren't that type of person?

He is not one of those people and you're basically one of the probably many girls he's playing.

Richey
 
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