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theweave is offline theweave Post #1  January 5,2010, 10:38am
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After the free communication weekend, I have two matches that I am now communicting with off E Harmony since they were non payers.

#1. Lives over 100 km from me, mapquest shows a 1 hour 38 minute drive to her town. She is nice and we have some common interests. She is 7 years younger than me and wants to have kids in the future.

#2 is a stranger one. She lives in the same city as me. When we got to the open question stage of GC, she used that to form the reasons why she did not think we were compatible. I took the opportunity to reply back that yes there were some things that she did that I didn't (hiking etc.) but it was not that I never wanted to do it, I just had never done it! I told her that we had the advantage of being close to each other so really what would it hurt to keep communicating? I sent my second set of questions and waited. I had told her she was free to close me if she wanted to but the next day, she had answered them truthfully and gave me her email address.

So now I am talking to both on messenger. The one that is over 100 km from me is reluctant to talk on the phone (I even offered secure call). #2 I have given my phone number but she has not reciprocated. I would like to ask her out soon since we are so close to each other, I even found someone willing to give me a free toboggan so I could take her tobogganing in the little bit of snow that we do have. That would surprise her since she figures I am not an outdoor type of guy!

The trouble is, I can't get #1 or #2 to even talk on the phone with me. Am I rushing things too much here? Which one do I meet first? I want to date both for now...

Any ideas?
Last edited by theweave; January 5,2010 at 10:41am. Reason: forgot to do the instant email notification
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  January 5,2010, 12:05pm
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lol....you'll meet first whoever actually agrees to meet you first, assuming either one will actually ever want to meet you at all and yes you are rushing and getting way ahead of yourself. Since you have not met let alone spoken on the phone with either one, you have no idea if you actually want to date either one. There is a big leap between online and real life.

Since neither one is ready to talk to you on the phone for whatever reason, I suggest that you take it easy and don't push the subject. Either both of these women are very cautious or something about your eagerness is turning them off. Not enough to close you completely but just enough to be careful.

Another note, regading #2 - don't appraoch with an attitude that you have to prove how outdoorsy you really are and make sure that whatever date you plan is in a highly public, well populated place and not out in the woods somewhere. Women like to stay safe and a guy suggesting something isolated, even if fun, can and will spook her.
 
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theweave is offline theweave Post #3  January 5,2010, 12:11pm
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DancingFool wrote :
lol....you'll meet first whoever actually agrees to meet you first, assuming either one will actually ever want to meet you at all and yes you are rushing and getting way ahead of yourself. Since you have not met let alone spoken on the phone with either one, you have no idea if you actually want to date either one. There is a big leap between online and real life.

Since neither one is ready to talk to you on the phone for whatever reason, I suggest that you take it easy and don't push the subject. Either both of these women are very cautious or something about your eagerness is turning them off. Not enough to close you completely but just enough to be careful.

Another note, regading #2 - don't appraoch with an attitude that you have to prove how outdoorsy you really are and make sure that whatever date you plan is in a highly public, well populated place and not out in the woods somewhere. Women like to stay safe and a guy suggesting something isolated, even if fun, can and will spook her.
Thanks for the reply. I didn't mention that I have not asked either one about their experience with online dating (somone sent me a private message about that) and I usually do but haven't with them. That may explain the hesitation too. I will make small inquiries when I talk to them and see what they have to say.

As for #2, don't worry the tobogganing would not be out in the woods, it would be in town. We have several places that we could go, if only we could get a little bit more snow, not that I want it but to do tobogganing it is neccasary! *LOL*

I think things are going okay with both of them so I am being patient and won't push things with either one. Not like I am going anywhere!

Thanks for the advice though!
 
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Georgetheman is offline Georgetheman Post #4  January 5,2010, 12:17pm
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DancingFool wrote :
Another note, regading #2 - don't appraoch with an attitude that you have to prove how outdoorsy you really are .
Agreed. Don't try to prove that you're like her. Just show her who you are.

Online dating sucks. I would caution you against investing emotionally before you've met these people. I've been there--it's not healthy.
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #5  January 5,2010, 12:25pm
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theweave wrote :
Am I rushing things too much here? Which one do I meet first? I want to date both for now...Any ideas?
It's been less than a week or two since the free communication weekend, so yes I think you are thinking ahead too much. I think most people who date online like to meet IRL within 2-4 weeks, but not everyone.

Like the others said, just meet whichever match is available first, and perhaps you'll have the opportunity to meet the other match sometime after that. If you take things as they come, you'll be less disappointed.

Good luck!
 
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theweave is offline theweave Post #6  January 5,2010, 12:37pm
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lacedwithhope wrote :
I think most people who date online like to meet IRL within 2-4 weeks, but not everyone.

Like the others said, just meet whichever match is available first, and perhaps you'll have the opportunity to meet the other match sometime after that. If you take things as they come, you'll be less disappointed.

Good luck!
2-4 weeks seems a little long to me. I think I have read on here to meet in real life as soon as possible (from EH itself) rather than invest so much time and chatting only to find you don't "click" in real life!

It could be #1 that I meet first, I am thinking of asking her to meet me partway since there is a distance factor and find someplace safe and public to meet her. Even just for a coffee (in and out).

I agree to take things as they come, and that is what I am doing!
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  January 5,2010, 1:49pm
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theweave wrote :
2-4 weeks seems a little long to me. I think I have read on here to meet in real life as soon as possible (from EH itself) rather than invest so much time and chatting only to find you don't "click" in real life!

It could be #1 that I meet first, I am thinking of asking her to meet me partway since there is a distance factor and find someplace safe and public to meet her. Even just for a coffee (in and out).

I agree to take things as they come, and that is what I am doing!
That's absolutely and true and that is certainly the practical and rational approach, but you'll come across all kinds and some women will get freaked out that you want to meet before exchanging your whole life story....lol.... The online thing takes a whole lot of patience and flexibility to be successful.
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #8  January 5,2010, 2:27pm
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Believe me, it is very easy for one to get excited when they have matches that actually communicate back and they want to rush into things. Relax, take a step back.

Keep talking with both, it was a little over a week from the time that my current girlfriend and I were matched on eHarmony to the time when we had our first phone conversation. This is normal and for some a week might have been too soon. Give it a couple of week at most for the phone conversation.

In my case we had a week of phone conversations before meeting for a date, your mileage may vary. I would have a hard time going more than a month between first communicating and first going out certainly with someone who lives so close but I think up to a month is certainly worth while as pointed out most women want to have enough time feel comfortable meeting said guy.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #9  January 5,2010, 2:32pm
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If the one thinks you're not compatible, why didn't she just close you?

The fact that they don't want to talk on the phone (especially the one who lives farther away) is a bad sign. How are they expecting to meet someone if they aren't willing to talk on the phone? That's pretty lame. It tells me they are either paranoid or not really wanting to meet someone, just playing games.
 
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theweave is offline theweave Post #10  January 5,2010, 2:39pm
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mrflyer wrote :
If the one thinks you're not compatible, why didn't she just close you?

The fact that they don't want to talk on the phone (especially the one who lives farther away) is a bad sign. How are they expecting to meet someone if they aren't willing to talk on the phone? That's pretty lame. It tells me they are either paranoid or not really wanting to meet someone, just playing games.
I do agree a bit with what you sare saying. The one who lives further away has a six year old daughter and I understand that she is trying to shield her from men that she dates. The only time that we chat is later at night when we are both on. By the time her daughter goes to bed, she says it is too late to talk, but also said last night that she was not quite ready to talk on the phone yet.

They may be paranoid or new to the internet dating game and cautious. I will give it a little while longer, see how the conversations go and see if either one starts to open up and warm up a bit. Our conversations online are pretty good though, so I don't want to totally give up on them either at this point.
 
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