Confusing first long-distance meeting!


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K_Ster is offline K_Ster Post #1  January 4,2010, 3:56pm
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I just flew to meet one of my matches, after six months of talking at length through email and the phone, etc. and am really confused about how it went!

Firstly, I ended up arriving 24 hours later than expected because of some unexpected flight delays - which reduced our time together from three to two days overall. I stayed in his home, and throughout the two days he paid for everything we did together, every meal, held the door open for me, etc. but did not make an attempt at a SINGLE move - not even hand-holding or a kiss on the cheek... We DID have a good time together as far as I can tell though, no awkward silences in conversation despite the amount of time spent one-on-one, etc.

When he dropped me off at the airport he gave me a hug, said he had an awesome time and that I should come for a longer visit next time ... but made no reference to the status of the relationship or where he would like it to go, despite us having talked about it for the last several months. Am not sure what to make of this, is he still even interested?!
 
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goosielucy is offline goosielucy Post #2  January 4,2010, 6:00pm
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Not to sound flip, but I think you and he have alot to talk about. I hope it goes well.
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #3  January 5,2010, 5:27am
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Based on his reaction, I'd say either he was too shy to make a move, or he didn't find you attractive in person.

If he's that shy, where he wouldn't even hold your hand...that's a big self esteem problem, you don't want that. And if he wasn't physically attracted then the decision was made for you.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  January 5,2010, 5:46am
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Rather than speculating or asking perfect stranger to guess, you have to ask him directly and not so much about a relationship as simply where to from here. Do you want to continue to get to know each other or not? Is he willing to make concrete plans to see you again or not? Despite talking for 6 months, in person you are still complete strangers. For some people it takes a little time to warm up physically while others can just jump right in. He could have been treating this as a first date better keep my hands to myself and not make any moves so I don't spook her thing or he was not attracted to you. It's impossible to judge from his actions alone at this point. You simply have to communicate with each other.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #5  January 5,2010, 6:15am
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K,

Im' curious as to what exactly you two have talked about "where this relatoinship is going" leading up to the visit?

But based solely on what you've described, I came away that things went positively and there is interest. What you describe is a man that made a point to be polite and a gentelemen on your first visit. Being so, the "gentlemanly thing to do" was to not make a move on you and "cheapen" the first weekend together. This is my interpretation of what you've described.

He opened the door and said "I'd like to do this again, come stay longer next time" ~ which signals to me he wants to take it to the next level.

Oh.. last thing I wanted to ask was ~ now that you've gone home ~ how has the interaction been? Is he still talking to you? Is it still engaging? Or has it become awkward and distant?

One good trick in figuring out things you didn't figure out is not to look at the event itself, but to look at the aftermath of the event.

Good luck.
Richey
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  January 5,2010, 7:14am
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richey wrote :

One good trick in figuring out things you didn't figure out is not to look at the event itself, but to look at the aftermath of the event.

Good luck.
Richey
Best advice ever!
 
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K_Ster is offline K_Ster Post #7  January 5,2010, 10:07am
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Thanks everyone for the replies! I totally agree that the best way to determine how a meeting went is the aftermath, and am realizing that now ... we have exchanged a few emails/texts since I was there, nothing really worth writing home about though I must say. I had assumed as well, that the being gentlemanly thing and saying he wanted to get together again was a sign of interest - but was just confused on the lack of body language. We have seen literally dozens of pictures of each other prior, and he had made several comments on how attractive he thought I was, but I suppose meeting in person always sheds a whole new light on that aspect.

I'm going to give it another week or so and see how the contact goes/doesn't go, and then if he doesn't bring it up I will probably ask directly what he wants to do from here and if he is still interested in pursuing a relationship and making concrete plans to meet again. I will keep you updated though!
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #8  January 5,2010, 10:17am
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robv_la wrote :
Based on his reaction, I'd say either he was too shy to make a move, or he didn't find you attractive in person.

If he's that shy, where he wouldn't even hold your hand...that's a big self esteem problem, you don't want that. And if he wasn't physically attracted then the decision was made for you.
Or maybe he is just conservative about showing any affection in public. I'd ask him about it. It certainly shouldn't be a deal killer the first time you've met in person!

It sounds like the interaction in private went fine.

Sometimes men can't win. If the guy had made a move, some women would say "I can't believe that pig tried to touch me the first time we met!" - so we learn to err on the conservative side.
Last edited by mrflyer; January 5,2010 at 10:19am.
 
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theweave is offline theweave Post #9  January 5,2010, 11:30am
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The part that stuck out with me was "You should stay longer next time" which means to me, he wants you to fly out there again. In this day and age, that is not cheap I am sure.

It should be his turn to come to you, fair is fair... or each of you fly half way... compromise with each other.

I agree with the other poster who said basically it is catch 22.. if he makes a move and you didn't want him to, he is a creep. Now he is being critiqued for not making a move! No wonder us guys get confused!
 
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K_Ster is offline K_Ster Post #10  January 5,2010, 12:09pm
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lol, Ok I see where you're getting at now ... I wasn't expecting him to make a MAJOR move, but I guess that's where he decided it would be better to err on the side of caution, rather than try figuring out boundaries. He did hug me hello and goodbye, so I suppose that's something..

AND after he said 'next time you should stay longer', he caught himself and said 'Or I'll go visit you next time' - so he did hint that he at least understood it should be his turn next time around!
 
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