Confusing first long-distance meeting!


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stevex is offline stevex Post #11  January 5,2010, 2:16pm
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On the surface I don't see anything here to worry about. As pointed out some people are very reserved on the first meeting and even if you have been talking for 6 months it was still the first meeting. The hug shows a sign that he was happy to see you and it sounds like he wants to make plans to meet again so I am very happy to hear that things went well and I wish you the best of luck as you continue seeing him.
 
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theweave is offline theweave Post #12  January 5,2010, 2:47pm
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K_Ster wrote :
lol, Ok I see where you're getting at now ... I wasn't expecting him to make a MAJOR move, but I guess that's where he decided it would be better to err on the side of caution, rather than try figuring out boundaries. He did hug me hello and goodbye, so I suppose that's something..

AND after he said 'next time you should stay longer', he caught himself and said 'Or I'll go visit you next time' - so he did hint that he at least understood it should be his turn next time around!
Okay well you clarified some stuff. I guess it would be appropriate to ask him when he is coming to visit you than and see if he starts to play dodge ball or not! I hope he does not for your sake but he does, things will be a lot more clearer for you than.

Good luck 2 ya!
 
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richey is offline richey Post #13  January 6,2010, 10:30pm
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K,

Okay... here's what I think after hearing your aftermath report. I think this is one of those common stories where both people are being a bit too shy and waiting for the other person to break rank and make the first move.

Now since he's proven he isn't going to do it (although, his "you should come again for longer next time" was his effort at doing this), I think it's time you take the initiative and initiate plans for a 2nd visit. Who goes where is irrelevant ~ as anybody can pay or pay back the other person. Just wahtever works and would work best for a 2nd visit.

Case in point. My gf and I (we've been together going on almost 3 months now) recently had some misunderstandings and a fight. But we worked those things out. Yet, even at that, we still came out of it thinking the other was mad and didnt' want to see the other again. So for the last 3-4 days we've both been mistakenly been acting distant thinking the other person was wanting out.

OI!!! If only one of us had "broke ranks" and stuck our neck out to say something ~ we wouldn't have been down and thinking we were over. But we discussed it and things are great again.

So... lesson learned... don't just assume the other person is backing off and thus back off. dont' just wait for the other person. If you want it, go and get it! (Cuz chances are they want you back...)

Good luck.
Richey
 
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K_Ster is offline K_Ster Post #14  January 13,2010, 2:28pm
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Hey everyone,

Thanks again for all the advice ... a lot of great points and thoughts to consider. I'd like to say I have good news to report, but sadly do not. Basically the update is he gradually grew more and more distant in his emails/tone, and I eventually found out that he'd been actively pursuing another girl the entire time - even up until the day that I arrived. It's upsetting and disappointing, but also a life lesson learned !!! Hopefully the next one won't be so deceitful and surprising
 
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