De-Stressing the Dating Process

De-Stressing the Dating Process

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De-Stressing the Dating Process


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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #1  January 4,2010, 2:16pm
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I think it is not just stress regarding the first date, but the expectation of success so to speak.  I think too many people want success so much, they will not tolerate anything less than total success with someone who meets every single criteria on their checklist.
I think that the threat of work, or the threat of "wasting our time" sours us to first dates and many just rather not deal with it and hope for a better sign or a better looking contender (pun intended).  I think a lot of people don't want to give it a shot, unless there is some guarantee of success and victory and sees failure as something too horrible to even contemplate.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  January 4,2010, 2:27pm
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Well, the ratio of success to failure may have something to do with that.

As is the large number of flaky or non-responding people.
 
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gcoleman99 is offline gcoleman99 Post #3  January 4,2010, 3:48pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Well, the ratio of success to failure may have something to do with that.

As is the large number of flaky or non-responding people.
The froglion has a point. The main thing I'd like here is a log-in notice so I can close people that haven't logged on in 6 months.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #4  January 4,2010, 3:56pm
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gcoleman99 wrote :
The froglion has a point. The main thing I'd like here is a log-in notice so I can close people that haven't logged on in 6 months.
A couple of weeks would be better.
 
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Mickey275 is offline Mickey275 Post #5  January 5,2010, 10:42am
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Let's face it: the first date IS a job interview. Ditto for the second and third dates - maybe more, depending on how quickly or slowly things progress. Any way you cut it, in the early stages, you're trying to convince your date that he or she needs to have you in their lives, much like attempting to convince a potential employer that he or she needs to have you "on the team." You have to sell and market yourself. No way around it.
 
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beautifulgenius is offline beautifulgenius Post #6  January 6,2010, 7:59am
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I've mentioned this very topic before, in that I hate first dates, and I avoid them like the plague. If I can make the first time I meet someone into less of a "date" the more successful at it , I will be.....lol...everything changes on a "date" the potential for something to go on, the possibilities for screwing up are endless and then thinking in the middle of it, how am I supposed to get out of this early if I don't want to stay anymore...it's just ridiculous and mind boggling. I would rather go to a routine doctor's check-up than go out on a first date.  And I guess that's saying something about the whole ritual...lol..
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #7  January 6,2010, 9:24am
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beautifulgenius wrote :
I've mentioned this very topic before, in that I hate first dates, and I avoid them like the plague.
Then you must not date at all, since by definition, if you date someone, there has to be a first date in there.
 
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beautifulgenius is offline beautifulgenius Post #8  January 6,2010, 10:55am
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mrflyer wrote :
Then you must not date at all, since by definition, if you date someone, there has to be a first date in there.
I do, but as I said, I try to make it not like a "date". Most of the guys I meet are by " accident". Either just sitting somewhere at a book store, being at an electronics store, they just come up to me most times and say " hello" or whatever, and sometimes we just start to talk. To me, that's ok. You get to see them in person, and get a general feeling of who they are, before you actually plan anything. I met my ex, through volunteering, and I wasn't trying to meet anyone then. Just very casual and no stress involved. Whereas the first online meeting I had was stressy, and not what I had expected at all. So, I was on the fence for a while. There are a lot of expectations in the first meeting. No matter how you look at it, there are a lot.
 
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rswgoforit is offline rswgoforit Post #9  January 12,2010, 4:57am
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What is commonly referred to as the first date will feel stressful because of an attempt to control things that were beyond my control in the first place. I can't control if we are attracted to each other or if she and I can establish rapport, connect, and share interests, likes/dislikes, and values in common. On most of these things, we can cut to the chase.
Two things can happen on a first meeting or a first date. You either want to get out a situation that just ain't clicking or you hate to end it.
What adds to the stress of a first date is a bad attitude like, "I hate first dates." From my perspective, I'm dealing with someone who's coming into to it with a lot of baggage to dump. I definitely don't need that. Other bad attitude statements include "I'm very busy" or "I don't have time." Are you trying to show me how cool you are? Are you willing to give me a "mercy date"? (Pardon the sarcasm.) FORGET THAT! If a busy man and busy woman really like each other, they'll make the time.
I hope that the reason to go on a first meeting or first date is to enjoy myself and I hope she comes in with that attitude.
 
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rswgoforit is offline rswgoforit Post #10  January 12,2010, 5:24am
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Dafearon wrote :
I think it is not just stress regarding the first date, but the expectation of success so to speak. I think too many people want success so much, they will not tolerate anything less than total success with someone who meets every single criteria on their checklist.


I think that the threat of work, or the threat of "wasting our time" sours us to first dates and many just rather not deal with it and hope for a better sign or a better looking contender (pun intended). I think a lot of people don't want to give it a shot, unless there is some guarantee of success and victory and sees failure as something too horrible to even contemplate.
To demand a guarantee of success in the outcome is what is wrong with everything in this culture. NOTHING IN LIFE IS GUARANTEED! SO GET OFF IT! (I had to get that off my chest.)

And some people will cop an attitude that the grass is lush greener on the other side (or a better looking contender).

All of this is about people who are not only unhappy, but really like to seek misery and bring everyone else down.

Your points are well made.
 
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