Careless_Memories is offline Careless_Memories Post #1  January 3,2010, 11:07am
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How would someone describe what proper first date etiquette should entail? Just looking for feedback.
Ask me questions.

****

Here is a scenario:
First date
me, 37, him, 43
Meet at restaurant for "dinner" at 4:30 (his request).
He goes in before me, doesn't really hold door.
We get seated, everything seems ok.
He can't decide what he wants for dinner.
Takes almost 20 minutes to figure out and order.
Chatting goes pretty easily, but he is constantly checking his blackberry. After a few times I ask him if everything is ok.
He says he keeps checking on work. ok...

So we meander through dinner, chatting, him checking his blackberry, general convo is going well, though. He grabs check and pays. Won't let me see the bill. OK.

After dinner we walk over to a Starbucks and I pick up the tab on coffee. We grab a couple of cozy chairs and settle in for more convo. He keeps checking his phone and even sends an e-mail.
10 min later his phone rings and he tells me he HAS to get this.

I say go ahead, understanding that sometimes there are emergencies. For 10 minutes he explained to someone that not everyone's supervisory styles are the same and she will just have to get used to her new co-worker/same level supervisor. There was more, but a teenager who had been sitting across from us started talking to me. I think he felt sorry for me... lol

He finally hangs up. We chat a bit about the situation. A large group of rowdy teenagers comes in and are being obnoxious, so we decide to end the evening. It's about 7:30 - 8pm. It's FREEZING outside, 10 degrees. He wants to stand there talking more.

I am shivering and he comments on the cold and getting back to warmth. I thank him for dinner and a very nice evening, then I asked him where he parked and he points opposite of where I was. I was thinking he would at least walk me to my car, which was over a block away and then I'd drop him at his. He gives me a hug, says goodnight and he will call me, then walks away in the opposite direction.

So I walk to my car alone, in the dark, over a block away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Any thoughts?
Yes, I am aware there will be many opinions and not everyone's opinions will mesh.
I will respond as thoughtfully and respectfully as possible.

Thanks!!
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #2  January 3,2010, 11:11am
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Not worth a second date
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #3  January 3,2010, 11:12am

blames self-help books

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I think you should check out the EQ thread lest this be hashed out again here.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #4  January 3,2010, 11:14am

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First date etiquette? Anything opposite of what that guy did!
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  January 3,2010, 11:18am
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He should hold the door if that's reasonable - for anyone. That he did not, I suggest not caring (for now) - some women don't like "gendor role" assumptions, so I would let this pass. This depends on where / how you walked.

Delay to order dinner. This is fine for me; the point of a meeting is the conversation with my companion (I don't like being rushed, a chronic problem at low-end restaraunts.)

BlackBerry: I am fine when women check occasionally; some people have important jobs, unusual jobs, or those which require being available. A few times over a few hours is fine; every two minutes, I'd be wondering. Still, if it was discrete and did not interrupt the conversation, I would be fine with this. The nature of work has changed.

Ten minute dumb call: I would have called that one back. I think he failed on that one.

Not walking you to your car: he made the right assumption (most women would not want to be alone with the man on a first meeting, and definitely do not want to get into a car with him.) If he was thinking, he could have given you this choice by asking, but I would not worry about it.

***

If you otherwise like him, most of this stuff sounds more like habits than character; I'd say worth more time.
Last edited by D_Lion; January 3,2010 at 11:20am.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #6  January 3,2010, 11:30am
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God help me. I (mostly) agree with D_Lion.

I think you both simply have different styles. Perhaps communicating expectations might help. It certainly can't hurt. Something along the lines of you being assertive and saying "I enjoy talking with you but the Blackberry is distracting to me. Can we agree on some parameters?" or "Would you walk me to my car? I'll give you a ride back to yours." if you're comfortable with that (though I agree that his assumption may have been that it would have been crowding you).

The BB during dinner would be a dealbreaker for me. The nature of business has changed but the nature of good manners hasn't that much. Checking once an hour or so over the course of the evening wouldn't bother me much. Answering calls that aren't emergencies or sending emails throughout dinner show a rather inflated sense of importance (or poor management style). If he can't manage his job/business any better than that, he's certainly not going to be able to handle me. ;^)
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #7  January 3,2010, 11:35am
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[quote=Careless_Memories;842767]How would someone describe what proper first date etiquette should entail? Just looking for feedback.
Ask me questions.

****

Here is a scenario:
First date
me, 37, him, 43
Meet at restaurant for "dinner" at 4:30 (his request).
He goes in before me, doesn't really hold door. [B]
 
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melman is offline melman Post #8  January 3,2010, 11:52am
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Now you know why first meetings should be short, or at least something you can end easily if it isn't going well. I can't understand why you prolonged this so much.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #9  January 3,2010, 12:02pm

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melman wrote :
Now you know why first meetings should be short, or at least something you can end easily if it isn't going well. I can't understand why you prolonged this so much.
Maybe she's giving him a benefit of the doubt?
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #10  January 3,2010, 12:02pm

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melman wrote :
Now you know why first meetings should be short, or at least something you can end easily if it isn't going well. I can't understand why you prolonged this so much.
Maybe she's giving him the benefit of the doubt?
 
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