Feast or famine when dating. How do you handle the feasts?


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jec30 is offline jec30 Post #1  January 3,2010, 8:13am
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A friend once pointed that when single, it always felt that it was a feast or famine situation. Either single with no prospects or multiple prospects all at the same time. I know some say that we subconsciously project a more positive vibe when we are in initial stages of a relationship, and therefore appear more appealing and approachable, but I've noticed this with women initiating online dating contact and friends setting me up as well.

Recently I've had two friends work their magic. In the process of talking/1st date with one girl, when the other girl contacts me out of the blue. I had been trying to remain neutral when my friend brought up #2 since I wanted to see how things worked out with #1 first. At this point the plan is to not completely blow off #2 in case #1 doesn't work out. Based on what I know of both now, I am not head over heels over either but both have positive attributes that I am interested in.

How have you handled these situations in the past?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  January 3,2010, 8:19am
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I would probably see both for a few times, if I could.

I do think it is okay to tell one person "I met another, and would like to give her a chance. May I call you if it doesn't work out?"
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #3  January 3,2010, 8:24am
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D_Lion wrote :
I would probably see both for a few times, if I could.

I do think it is okay to tell one person "I met another, and would like to give her a chance. May I call you if it doesn't work out?"
You'd really say that? That makes no sense at all.

No one wants to be second choice. I can't see any woman responding well to that at all.

Remain non-commital with either until you make your choice then go with it.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #4  January 3,2010, 8:31am
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shoopthedoop wrote :
Remain non-commital with either until you make your choice then go with it.
Exactly... you are not committing to anything by going out with both and determining if there is chemistry. I usually give myself up to two months before making the decision that it needs to turn into something more serious or else... move on.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  January 3,2010, 8:54am
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shoopthedoop wrote :
You'd really say that? That makes no sense at all.

No one wants to be second choice. I can't see any woman responding well to that at all.

It's not about making someone "second choice," it's about putting all effort into one, and not splitting effort. (First come, first served.)

I get your point, and I don't disagree.

For myself, once I got to about two to four meetings, enough to be able to count on someone, I would not let the matching renew, or contact anyone new.

In the event that you haven't had even one meeting, I do agree with seeing both.
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #6  January 3,2010, 9:20am
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D_Lion wrote :
For myself, once I got to about two to four meetings, enough to be able to count on someone, I would not let the matching renew, or contact anyone new.

In the event that you haven't had even one meeting, I do agree with seeing both.
The two to four meeting timeline is not that long to be involved with two different people.
 
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szgorzelski is offline szgorzelski Post #7  January 3,2010, 11:02am
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D_Lion wrote :
I would probably see both for a few times, if I could.

I do think it is okay to tell one person "I met another, and would like to give her a chance. May I call you if it doesn't work out?"
It all depends on how far you've gone with the second choice. If you haven't gotten past the email/phone stage, then she might respond positively. If you've already gone on one date or more, forget about it. If she agrees then she's likely an emotional punching bag anyway, so why would you want to be with a person like that?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  January 3,2010, 11:07am
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Agree - I was talking about not having even a first meeting with a new person, when I had already one person past that stage.

I've never had so many options that this has been an issue for me.
 
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szgorzelski is offline szgorzelski Post #9  January 3,2010, 11:23am
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I wish I was in a situation where I had even one option!
 
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fractalicious is offline fractalicious Post #10  January 4,2010, 10:28am
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My approach for dealing with "feasts"

my $.02

1. No date is to know about the other dates- I don't want to know about the other guys that my date may be seeing, I assume they don't want to know about the other women I am seeing.

2. You have not committed until you have committed- Until either you or your date raises the exclusivity issue, you have license to date other people with impunity. Anyone who demands exclusivity up front is asking to much from someone they just met.

3. Once you have committed, you have committed- This should go without saying but... Agreeing to exclusivity means that you agree to shut down your other potentials immediately. Be forthright and unambiguous, it's cruel to waste someone's time by keeping any false hope alive. If you're unwilling to do this then you should not commit.
 
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