the long distance date/ first meeting


Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
nightling is offline nightling Post #1  January 3,2010, 8:09am
nightling's Avatar

all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark.

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2009

Misery

Posts: 6,943

See profile

So I have a match that is long distance and we want to meet. What are some considerations here?

He talked about driving around the California coast or maybe "checking out New Mexico" and then I am thinking uh ... what about sticking to public places and all that? Is that a fair consideration, or am I being too ... safe and complicating things needlessly?

Advice guys and gals? What would you do to plan a first meeting with a long - distance match?

(And I already went through all the cons against a long-distance match in my head on this, so I"m not really looking for more reasons not to meet. Just looking for help planning the first meeting itself.)
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  January 3,2010, 8:24am
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,661

See profile

In my opinion, beforehand, make sure you have the time and funds to meet at a rate sufficient to sustain a relationship, and that he does too.

I suggest trying to make sure of this; that he is not simply lonely and sort of grasping at anything.

My view is not to accept all the travel cost placed on you, even though it sounds like you're traveling (and keeping that seperate helps make the "who goes" decision on purely a logistical basis.)

I gather you already are cautious in who you meet, so no new ideas there.

Can you justify this trip if he is a no-show, or just an awful date? Are there other things to do?

In terms of driving around, or what you do, I would have no fear at all, there.
Last edited by D_Lion; January 3,2010 at 10:26am.
 
  Reply With Quote
nightling is offline nightling Post #3  January 3,2010, 8:31am
nightling's Avatar

all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark.

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2009

Misery

Posts: 6,943

See profile

D_Lion wrote :
In my opinion, beforehand, make sure you have the time and funds to meet at a rate sufficient to sustain a relationship, and that he does too.

I suggest trying to make sure of this; that he is not simply lonely and sort of grasping at anything.

My view is not to accept all the travel cost placed on you, even though it sounds like you're traveling (and keeping that seperate helps make the "who goes" decision on purely a logistical basis.)

I gather you already are cautious in who you meet, so no new ideas there.

Can you justify this trip if he is a new-show, or just an awful date? Are there other things to do?

In terms of driving around, or what you do, I would have no fear at all, there.
I am not sure about the cautious in who I meet line .. in real life sure. I check them out through mutual acquaintances. But there's no real option to do that with an online match through e-harmony.

So never having met this fellow, you're saying you'd drive around with him in the same car no problem? Just making sure I understood what you said here D-Lion.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  January 3,2010, 8:37am
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,661

See profile

I would, sure. I have many times.

I've had many women I picked up for first meetings at her home (more often than not her parents' home.) I get that this is a huge gender divide issue, but I have no fear at all to meet someone, drive, whatever.

I mean, you fly (I guess), so you have an air ticket paid on a credit card, and meet him in a plane terminal full of video. I think the odds of a problem are minute.
 
  Reply With Quote
melman is offline melman Post #5  January 3,2010, 10:16am
melman's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 2,944

See profile

This is not something I would consider doing, so my advice may not be worth much.

But I advise you to have someone watching out for you. This person should know your plans, and you should check in with him/her periodically.
 
  Reply With Quote
nightling is offline nightling Post #6  January 3,2010, 10:29am
nightling's Avatar

all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark.

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2009

Misery

Posts: 6,943

See profile

I think basically what I had in mind was planning a vacation and also meet this person for dinner and drinks one night. If we hit it off, we might do more things together while I'm there on vacation and if not, no harm no foul, the vacation goes ahead as planned.

As I said, I already went over the whether to meet pro con in my own head and decided to meet. Now I want ideas on how to do so safely and whether anyone thinks I'm being over cautious about some things. Perhaps I am. I am a fairly cautious person not by nature but by experience.

He suggested we drive along the California coast ... which I think would be fun, but maybe not with someone I haven't met yet. Seems like kind of a safety issue to me ... But maybe I'm being too cautious as D_lion suggests.

Thanks for the comments so far. If anyone has experience with long-distance matches, that'd be particularly helpful.
 
  Reply With Quote
DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #7  January 3,2010, 10:32am
DennisWiscons…'s Avatar

Milwaukee

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Milwaukee

Posts: 5,720

See profile

I would never plan to drive with the date on the first date. This entirely limits your options if you want to end the date. After I meet them I can always change my mind.

I am always reminded that any internet friendship starts new/fresh on the first meeting. What this means is that - after having experience with this - I would set up things up for dinner or lunch and keep my afternoon or evening open but retain the ability to end it.

Remember, you really don't know this person.

Because of all this, I try to avoid long distance relationships... the only one's that I've had were pretty accidental... the best way to have them!
Last edited by DennisWisconsin; January 3,2010 at 10:34am.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  January 3,2010, 10:37am
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,661

See profile

I see this as too binary to micromanage:

Option one (tiny probability), he is actually a risk: in this case you don't want to meet or spend any time at all, right? So the question is, how to check this?

Option two (most likely), he is a fine guy but boring date or bad match. Fine, have a nice vacation.

Option three: he is a good match. Personally, I put my actions geared toward this outcome, because this is the scenario I care to optimize.

I think there is a lot of temptation to cram a lot of activity and clarity into a short period of time. I would guess he is either going to see this as just another meeting, or he will want to know where he stands with you.

One way to control things is to make some plans yourself.

Pick some things you'd like to do, that are also appropriate for learning about your partner.
 
  Reply With Quote
DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #9  January 3,2010, 10:38am
DennisWiscons…'s Avatar

Milwaukee

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Milwaukee

Posts: 5,720

See profile

nightling wrote :
I think basically what I had in mind was planning a vacation and also meet this person for dinner and drinks one night. If we hit it off, we might do more things together while I'm there on vacation and if not, no harm no foul, the vacation goes ahead as planned.

As I said, I already went over the whether to meet pro con in my own head and decided to meet. Now I want ideas on how to do so safely and whether anyone thinks I'm being over cautious about some things. Perhaps I am. I am a fairly cautious person not by nature but by experience.

He suggested we drive along the California coast ... which I think would be fun, but maybe not with someone I haven't met yet. Seems like kind of a safety issue to me ... But maybe I'm being too cautious as D_lion suggests.

Thanks for the comments so far. If anyone has experience with long-distance matches, that'd be particularly helpful.

Your plan sounds pretty good... I travel allot and have met a few friends from eHAdvice. A couple of them turned romantic after the first meeting... Not planning romance seems to work best for me... the less planning the better...
Last edited by DennisWisconsin; January 3,2010 at 10:42am.
 
  Reply With Quote
bouncytigger888 is offline bouncytigger888 Post #10  January 3,2010, 10:41am
bouncytigger8…'s Avatar

school is out!!! yippee!!!

Newbie

Joined: Jan 2010

Missouri

Posts: 3

See profile

I agree with DW. Meet him for lunch somewhere public. If you don't get any red flags, you can continue your date into the evening. There's nothing wrong with continuing to see each other over the next few days of your trip. Just pick somewhere big so there's lots of things to do, such as LA, SanDiego, SanFrancisco, since you said CA coastline. I would in no way get in the car to drive up the coast with someone I'd never met before in a strange place. I guess it would be different if I was in my hometown, but vacations are just a whole new ball game. Make sure you have a buddy that knows where you are and you check in frequently. Chances are you new friend is harmless and wonderful, but you can never be too careful. Have you thought about traveling with a friend? If he respects you, he'd understand your need for a buddy on the trip.k
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« Too amazing? | Dating | What's up with this guy? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
I cannot believe that I slept with him on the second date. Advice needed. newdater123 Dating 262 January 28,2010 6:06am
Long Distance Relationships LivingBetterLonger2009 Relationships 22 December 18,2009 7:52am
Frequency of Dates & Long Distance Kristian79 Dating 21 October 27,2009 7:09pm
My date yesterday-Not exactly the best! christianlife Dating 40 October 26,2009 6:31pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“but isnt' "comedy" subjective?” –  richey

Join the “I think I blew it...” discussion

“"So, at what point did you decide I was only going to be a one-date kind of guy?" Hi Carole, I am late to this thread. Thanks for such an interesting topic! My initial reaction was to think ... ” –  SearchingHoping

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“A little tough love... The lesson here: date married men at your own peril. The man was married when YOU began a relationship with him! You keep calling him divorced. Not when you were with him. Once ... ” –  emma_hazards

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“Thanks, DancingFool!!!!! I deleted all but 2 pics. I kept the 2 most recent pics. I will work on updating pics soon, hopefully this weekend. Thanks! Suzanne” –  SuzanneScorpio

Join the “Photo Review” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 4:57pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0