Getting to date #2: how it's supposed to work


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jayhawkgirl is offline jayhawkgirl Post #1  January 3,2010, 6:51am
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I'm going to acknowledge upfront that this is just my opinion about the ideal way of getting to date #2. I realize there are lots of other valid ideas, which is why I'm posting it here! Please, people, let's keep it polite.

Assuming date #1 was good (from my perspective---I have no idea what he's really thinking) and I have thanked him, expressed my appreciation, etc.:
Him: "This was fun. We'll have to do it again sometime."
Me: "I had a great time, too. Maybe we can figure something out for later on in the week? Why don't you give me a call when you've had a chance to look at your schedule."
Him: "Sounds good!"

We smile, say goodbye and see what happens! And meanwhile, we're both still reviewing possible other matches, going on dates, etc., in case it doesn't work out.

(Keep in mind, I would never suggest a guy call me if I didn't want him to. Just thought I'd better get that out there upfront. I know there are women who do it, just as there are men who say they'll call when they never intend to. That is not the scenario here. Let's leave that scenario for another thread, huh?)

The reason I like this way is that expectations of the next step are clear, yet no one has made a commitment and both parties have time to process the evening, and there's really very little pressure. (Can we just accept, for the sake of this thread, that some people do need time to process? Please?)

Possible outcomes:
(1) He calls, we make a date, we go out on date #2.
(2) I never hear from him again and accept he's just not that into me or we're not right for each other (doesn't even matter why) and I move on. It was just one date. Next!

It wouldn't even bother me that he had said he'd had fun (but didn't call again) since you can honestly have fun, but then decide or realize the other person just isn't right for a relationship, for some reason.

Thoughts?
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #2  January 3,2010, 6:55am
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I'll tell you what I did. If I had a great first date with someone (say, my fiance), I would ask her out right there at the end of the date, and make plans for a second date immediately.

I believe the line I used at the end of the date was "So are you free next weekend?"

It's open-ended, yet still ties her down to a specific date (thus making it a date).

Strike while the iron is hot, I say.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  January 3,2010, 6:55am
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jayhawkgirl wrote :
Me: "I had a great time, too. Maybe we can figure something out for later on in the week? Why don't you give me a call when you've had a chance to look at your schedule."

I think this is a good way to go.

I like clarity, and this is a clear request so I can understand what she wants.

I do exactly what Mr. Right does, though, which is to arrange the next meeting.

Since, well, I already know my "schedule."
 
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jayhawkgirl is offline jayhawkgirl Post #4  January 3,2010, 7:04am
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D_Lion wrote :
I think this is a good way to go.

I like clarity, and this is a clear request so I can understand what she wants.

I do exactly what Mr. Right does, though, which is to arrange the next meeting.

Since, well, I already know my "schedule."
I understand your point, and if I've said to a guy, "Why don't you call me..." that is a green light and if he went ahead and said, "Well, how about dinner on Saturday night?" I'd be tickled. It would tell me he thought the date went as well as I did.

The reason I suggested the "why don't you call me" line is so that if the guy has not really had a great time, it takes the pressure off in the moment and gives him an out.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #5  January 3,2010, 8:20am
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I agree that you have a good idea for the end of the date. If I'm not interested this would be the time that I say so. I wouldn't say anything otherwise.
 
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richey is online now richey Post #6  January 5,2010, 6:27am
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It has a lot of merit.. but "ideal"? Don't really think there is an ideal way to "get to date #2". I just figure, if you get to date #2... whatever you did was "ideal" and worked

But I will also say, saying "call me" doens't guarantee anything. My first EH first date the lady told me to call her. A non-EH encounter on a x-country plane ride the girl told me "you better call me."

I did contact them in both cases ~ only to get the cold shoulder and no real date in either case.

So I would say don't assume that when you say "call me" the guy is going to automatically think you've given him the green light. While YOU yourself never say it unless you mean it ~ your cohorts in the dating world, plenty of them DO say it when they don't necessarily mean it.

Richey
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #7  January 5,2010, 6:54am
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I'll ask for a second by the end of the first date if I've had a good time, although I like to leave the wheres and whats in the open for later discussion. So I think the OP's scenario is pretty ideal for normal dating situations.

Oh, and Hi folks! first post on the boards!
Last edited by insertscreenname; January 14,2010 at 10:24am.
 
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Atlguy38 is offline Atlguy38 Post #8  January 5,2010, 7:56am
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I agree with richey on this one. I'm becoming the 1 date wonder I guess. I have 1 date and wonder why I can't get another, despite being positive, engaging, etc.

As someone else said on here, I will start asking for the 2nd date at the end of the first so I don't have to sit around wondering.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  January 5,2010, 8:08am
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jayhawkgirl wrote :
...
(Keep in mind, I would never suggest a guy call me if I didn't want him to. Just thought I'd better get that out there upfront. I know there are women who do it, just as there are men who say they'll call when they never intend to. That is not the scenario here. Let's leave that scenario for another thread, huh?)

The reason I like this way is that expectations of the next step are clear, yet no one has made a commitment and both parties have time to process the evening, and there's really very little pressure. (Can we just accept, for the sake of this thread, that some people do need time to process? Please?)

Possible outcomes:
(1) He calls, we make a date, we go out on date #2.
(2) I never hear from him again and accept he's just not that into me or we're not right for each other (doesn't even matter why) and I move on. It was just one date. Next!

It wouldn't even bother me that he had said he'd had fun (but didn't call again) since you can honestly have fun, but then decide or realize the other person just isn't right for a relationship, for some reason.

Thoughts?
I can't leave this for another thread because this is the flaw in your whole concept. I have NEVER had a girl end a first date by saying that she was not interested in seeing me again.

I have only had ONE girl that would actually set up a second date at the end of the first one.

I can count on one hand all the girls that actually followed through with going on a second date yet the ones that said they were interested in going on a second date would take a lot more than all my fingers and toes.

Therefore my experience tells me that you are in a very, very small percentage of girls that actually are honest at the end of the first date.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #10  January 5,2010, 10:13am
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I agree with the first 2 posts. The key is to let the other person know you're interested in seeing them again, since some people have trouble sensing that.

The only problem I see with immediately asking for the 2nd date is that she won't want to say no to your face, so she'll accept but show up not really wanting to see you, or find an excuse to cancel.

I tend to go with saying I had a great time and that I'll call in a day or 2. That gives her time to reflect on the first meeting and I think makes it more likely she is really interested, if she does accept another date.
 
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