Does he have a right to get upset?


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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #1  January 2,2010, 1:16pm
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I met a man for a drink last night at a local bar. Everything was fine until he asked what I was looking for in a man, preferences, etc.

I told him what I was looking for; a little more country than city, can hunt, fish, fix things, more conservative. Most of which he was.

He got upset with me! Something about generalizations and such. He doesn't dress country, but does the hunting, fishing, etc. So why get all upset? He said I made an assumption of what he is like (not sure where that came from) and that I was looking for a hick, blah, blah, blah. I post my preference for a "country boy" or "cowboy" on my profile.

I really feel he didn't have a leg to stand on with his argument. I also think he was looking for me to describe him, not actually tell him what I like in a man. Needless to say, the date didn't end well.

He may have just been running his mouth due to alcohol, but....

Can anyone comment on this? Give me some ideas what was going through his head? Was I wrong is telling him the truth? Should I just avoid questions like this or fake it and tell them "You, you are the man I'm looking for!"???
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  January 2,2010, 1:17pm
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Say what?

This fellow sounds off his rocker!

Asking what you want and then arguing that it is not who he is, is lame. (Assuming you have been consistent to state what you want.)
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #3  January 2,2010, 1:18pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Say what?

This fellow sounds off his rocker!
+1

From what I read you described him pretty well and he freaked out over it.

Clearly there has to be more to this story...
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #4  January 2,2010, 1:19pm

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lol!! Anyone that gets upset over someone's list is upset because they weren't on it. They try to justify it because they argue that other preferences are better - but it really does not matter. Preferences are just that and to be upset that you aren't someone's preference instead of just noting you aren't is a big sign that it is time to say bye-bye.
 
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gcoleman99 is offline gcoleman99 Post #5  January 2,2010, 1:36pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Say what?

This fellow sounds off his rocker!

Asking what you want and then arguing that it is not who he is, is lame. (Assuming you have been consistent to state what you want.)
+2, now?

I agree totally... Off his rocker indeed.

NEVER apologize for the man you're looking for. Settle, maybe, but never apologize.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  January 2,2010, 1:41pm
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shoopthedoop wrote :
+1

From what I read you described him pretty well and he freaked out over it.

Clearly there has to be more to this story...

There were other things that happened, kinda. Not really huge deal things. But for the most part, we conversed well and all was good for the first part of our meeting.

He did leave me sitting at the bar while going off to use the restroom then stayed at the other end of the bar for a while chatting with some people. I did think anything of it because you never know who actually started the conversation.

The only thing I did was after the "argument" or "debate". He went off to play a game of pool, didn't ask if I wanted to join him, so I sat on my bar stool and just watched. I made a couple of comments on some good shots he made but he was half lit by then and didn't seem to want the complements. I wasn't going to just sit there, so I chatted with a few people around me. Yes, they were guys. Being there were only about 5 girls in the place, who else was I going to talk to?

But, again, that was after he got upset with me. I figured if he was going to ignore me I could talk to whomever I wanted.
 
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CAnative is offline CAnative Post #7  January 2,2010, 1:46pm
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I believe in the golden rule.... " Dont ask the question if you if your not prepared for the answer" Let's hope it was the alcohol talking....
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #8  January 2,2010, 1:50pm
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What was it about what you were looking for that set him off?

If he fit most of your criteria then I can't see what the issue was.

What happened after the argument doesn't really matter, as to his 'right' to get upset.
 
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SweetKatieA is offline SweetKatieA Post #9  January 2,2010, 1:51pm
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AndieIsMe wrote :
There were other things that happened, kinda. Not really huge deal things. But for the most part, we conversed well and all was good for the first part of our meeting.

He did leave me sitting at the bar while going off to use the restroom then stayed at the other end of the bar for a while chatting with some people. I did think anything of it because you never know who actually started the conversation.

The only thing I did was after the "argument" or "debate". He went off to play a game of pool, didn't ask if I wanted to join him, so I sat on my bar stool and just watched. I made a couple of comments on some good shots he made but he was half lit by then and didn't seem to want the complements. I wasn't going to just sit there, so I chatted with a few people around me. Yes, they were guys. Being there were only about 5 girls in the place, who else was I going to talk to?

But, again, that was after he got upset with me. I figured if he was going to ignore me I could talk to whomever I wanted.
You're nice than I would've been. I probably would've picked up one of the other guys and "high tailed" it on outta there. Ugh. What a jerk face.
 
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Sunshine43 is offline Sunshine43 Post #10  January 2,2010, 2:00pm
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He obviously has issues. Don't take it personally and be glad he did it on the 1st date and not the 10th date. Red Flags all over the place........
 
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