Do you feel un-datable?


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szgorzelski is offline szgorzelski Post #1  January 2,2010, 6:22am
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I'm 34, in the Army, and can't have any more kids (had a vasectomy). That pretty much narrows down the number of women my age range willing to go out with a guy like me. Kind of sucks. Girls in their 20s think I'm too old, those in their 30s seem to still be looking to start a family, and those in the 40s aren't in half the good shape I'm in. A lot of women like how a guy looks in uniform, but don't want to actually date one because they think we all deploy for years on end. This dating thing is tough!
 
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atrueromantic is offline atrueromantic Post #2  January 2,2010, 6:33am
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This dating thing is tough![/quote]

I agree. Dating is tough!

I am in my mid 40s, divorced with 3 kids been looking for that special someone for a couple of years now. Been on several dates etc, but no magic yet. Hang in there. There is someone out there for you!
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  January 2,2010, 6:33am
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At least the matter of deployment can be explained in your profile: how often, how long, where ... perhaps describe your last few years?
 
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centxlady is offline centxlady Post #4  January 2,2010, 8:44am
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I don't think that makes you undatable at all. Maybe you just haven't found the right woman. There are women your age that are done with having children that would appreciate someone that feels the same as they do. There are also women out there that would think great things of you for serving your country regardless of the fact that they might be on their own sometimes. Some women thrive at being independent, but still want a man in their life. I say these things because I know I am one of these women. I'm 32 years old have a 12 year old son I can't have anymore children, and I have been single for quite awhile because I am independent and that seems to scare me away from me, as does the fact that I can't have any more children. I just keep
thinking that one day I will find the right guy for me. Keep you chin up you will find the right one.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #5  January 2,2010, 9:17am
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Hey; we all have "something" about us that limits our prospects. But, you appear to have a lot more going for you than against you.

Are you open to dating women who already have children? If that's the case, then you've got a huge pool open to you that a lot of men make a big point of avoiding (leaving some fabulous women for you!).

It is tough these days being an Army wife or girlfriend. Most of my soldier friends have now deployed several times and it's very hard on those back home. As I'm sure you know, a lot of relationships have not survived these repeated deployments. If you are deployable, that's just something that you have to be up-front about and talk about how you see sustaining (even growing) a relationship through it. In any event, you don't want someone who is just chasing the uniform, but someone who will want to be with you and support you despite the stresses and strains of the Army.
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #6  January 2,2010, 9:24am
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Welcome to the site. I think a lot of people ask themselves the same question at times, I know I have wondered it before in the past. My best advice is to keep your chin up. As D_Lion suggested putting some information about your deployment in your profile will answer some of those questions and hopefully clear some of the doubts that some women might have.

Good luck and explore the forums for the best advice.
 
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CAnative is offline CAnative Post #7  January 2,2010, 9:41am
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I agree with the posts above and would like to add that there are many women who for various reasons can not have children or want to have children. I know serveral. I also know a few 40 year olds that are in better shape now then when they were in their 30's. If age is not the issue your dating pool just got bigger... dating is very tough!!!!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  January 2,2010, 9:47am
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You are correct that dating is tough. For all of us!

A lot of what you have said in your post I suspect has little to do with the real problems you are having with finding dates.

I have know quite a few people in the military and while many of them were not sent to war zones I can't say that I know of any who lived a long time (many years) in one location. Being in the military means that you go where you are told to go when you are told to go. Some women will see this as a deal breaker, some women won't care so much and some women will see the opportunity to move around the country or world as a bonus.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #9  January 2,2010, 4:05pm
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Join the club. I think a lot of us feel that way.

For me, I seem to be undateable because of job, culture, intellect and theology.

Guys that can appreciate my brain are repelled by my manual labor job (which is hilarious because it pays better than my previous "smart" job). The ones that are comfortable with my job are intimidated by my brain.

Guys that are attracted to the fact that I love and perform classical music are horrified when I bring out the heavy metal. The metal guys can't understand how I could possibly listen to classical or 40s big band.

The man who meets me at church can't put up with the fact that I can cuss a blue streak and make a sailor blush when I'm really angry. The man who can handle that doesn't understand that I'm still a Christian.

Don't count out the women in their 40s, though. They're beyond having kids, a little more easy-going and self-sufficient (so deployment would still stink, but being on their own wouldn't be such a full-blown crisis), and some of them look just incredible. Some of the women you meet out on the street may actually be in their 40s, but they look like they're in their 30s. I'd open my age matching range up a little, but it's your call.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #10  January 2,2010, 4:40pm
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chawks64 wrote :
I'd open my age matching range up a little, but it's your call.
You devil you.

(szgorzelski, chawks just made a pass at you!)
 
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