The impact of friendship on relationship preferences...


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peppermint21 is offline peppermint21 Post #1  January 1,2010, 1:45pm
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My best friend just moved away a few months ago and the shift in my lifestyle really has me thinking about how I conduct myself and what I prefer in relationships in general

I'm starting to see a lot of similarities in both (I don't believe this is necessarily true for everyone). This isn't a ranking, but instead some things I've noticed that I enjoy in both platonic and romantic relationships.
  • Intellectual stimilation and discussion
  • The comfort to reflect on life, society, personal failures and successes
  • The need for mutual respect
  • Some shared interests, but different areas of enjoyment make both our lives better.
  • Minimal emphasis on time spent in each other's physical presence...it's not bad, it's just not a huge deal. I prefer a bit more contact in romantic realtionships, but time alone enriches the relationship for me, allowing both people to bring new elements and insight.
I think the fact that I've been successful in finding and maintaining these standards in plantonic relationships (both male and female) has contributed to the fact that I quite concretely (and possibly unreasonably) expect the same in a committed romantic partner. I think the success is cementing these expectations even further as I age. Maybe they're just both reflections of my core values.

I'm thinking this varies from person to person, as in some people expect different levels of friend-like-ness in their romantic relationships.

Anyway...do you see similarities in what you want in a partner and what you have/want in your friends?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  January 1,2010, 2:00pm
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peppermint21 wrote :
Anyway...do you see similarities in what you want in a partner and what you have/want in your friends?

Speaking as a guy ... heck, no !!!
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #3  January 1,2010, 2:53pm
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I agree with much of what your points are in terms of relationships and friendships.

The differences in relationship vs friendship (besides sex)....

1. their are more common views on life

2. more common interests...not identical.

3. Being compatable in terms of living together. Some of these common things could be in raising children, religion, complementary in terms of strength with living together.


With some of my femal friends I know there would be never be relationships because of some core differences on some key areas when it comes to be able to live together.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #4  January 1,2010, 2:59pm
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ami1uwant wrote :
I agree with much of what your points are in terms of relationships and friendships.

The differences in relationship vs friendship (besides sex)....

1. their are more common views on life

2. more common interests...not identical.

3. Being compatable in terms of living together. Some of these common things could be in raising children, religion, complementary in terms of strength with living together.


With some of my femal friends I know there would be never be relationships because of some core differences on some key areas when it comes to be able to live together.
Great post! Great points!! Completely agree.

To me, relationship (meaning marriage) is a friendship PLUS the things you've mentioned above.
 
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peppermint21 is offline peppermint21 Post #5  January 1,2010, 5:03pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Speaking as a guy ... heck, no !!!
LOL...so it's a female thing?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  January 1,2010, 6:49pm
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I think everything you listed is present in both a companion and friends, but the similarity just ... ends ... there.

Hard to explain, maybe.

A friend, can have one thing only - and that can be enough; go to the gym, ride a motorcycle, years can go by and that's all we know about each other.

A woman, well first of all, there's that, and I want to know, if not everything, everything that I might need to know.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  January 1,2010, 6:58pm
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Could be I am just stupid or tired or both. But if I don't have:
1. a similar level of intellect for stimulation and discussion
2. feel comfortable discussing life
3. mutual respect
4. shared interests
5. the ability to spend time with

I really have little basis for either a true friendship or a relationship.
 
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peppermint21 is offline peppermint21 Post #8  January 1,2010, 7:13pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
I really have little basis for either a true friendship or a relationship.
I think that might be the key. It's possible that people who have a strong history of positive friendships would be more likely to look for these "friend" qualities in a relationship. On the flip side, I've met people who, even though we had a COMPLETELY platonic relationship, treated me like we were dating...jealousy over other friends, crazy expectations of time spent together, that kind of thing...and this is from straight women, not even guys.

Your position...do you think that makes it more difficult to start or maintain either type? I ask that because I have strong friendships, but very few new ones...most of them I've known for 10 years plus. I also haven't been in a long-term relationship in a while. I don't have a lot of field experience in starting either type...maintaining, yes, but not starting.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #9  January 1,2010, 8:32pm
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I agree on the trust, mutual respect and all of that. I won't have anything more than a passing nod for anyone that doesn't offer those things.

One thing I've noticed in successful close friendships and longterm romantic relationships is that, though we share the same basic attitudes and morals, we tend to bring something to the table that the other is lacking. For instance, my closest friend is very grounding for me, and she is also an amazing judge of people, a skill I definitely don't have. Meanwhile, I share her family values and back her when her extended family gets out of line. I also keep her entertained with my horrific dating stories, but that's another thread.

I think it helps in maintaining a relationship when you both can be impressed by something the other does with ease, especially when it's something that is difficult for the other.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #10  January 1,2010, 9:10pm

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peppermint21 wrote :
Anyway...do you see similarities in what you want in a partner and what you have/want in your friends?
Pretty much about the same...sense of humor, communication style, values, interests, etc.

Of course for relationship I tightened my criteria a little bit and I add the physical attraction requirement to it.
 
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