Overeact vs. Undereact


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ivy08 is offline ivy08 Post #1  December 31,2009, 12:42pm
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Hi everyone,
I just need to get some outside perspective on my current situation.
I've been communicating with an eH match for about 8 months. We've met once due to distance. We talk, email or text daily - except interstingly enough Christmas Day. There was absolutely nothing - I sent him a card by snail mail (I wasn't expecting a card from him - I know that's not a "guy thing"). However I was shocked and perhaps hurt to find out that after 8+ months, in his mind I didn't even merit the 2 minutes it would have taken to text "Merry Christmas". Two days later he texts again as normal asking me how my
holidays were. He also overlooked my birthday two months ago. I'm a little hurt and seriously contemplating just letting go. Am I overeacting?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  December 31,2009, 1:00pm
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Did you have any reason to know he was available on christmas?

Some people go to a family event, or host one. It's easy to understand he was occupied.

I don't become emmotionally-altered by holidays, so I don't exhibit any changes in behavior during them - probably I am unusual, but I do think men - perhaps single men even more so - are generally somewhat more so than women.

***

I would not react at all to this.

If you wish to, I think it is fine to try to negotiate for what you want - I think it's far healthier and more mature than getting mad that a partner failed to read one's mind.

An alternative is to dump him and look for partners that natually do what you seek.

In this case, with already the distance problem, I think you should be seeking local matches anyway, and put your effort there.
Last edited by D_Lion; December 31,2009 at 1:02pm.
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #3  December 31,2009, 1:09pm
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I honestly wouldn't put too much thought into it. You two are enjoying talking to each other and things are going well. Why let a couple of missed calls get in the way of a good thing? If anything tell him it bothered you and see what he says.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #4  December 31,2009, 1:15pm
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are you two exclusive... 8 months... seen him once? I would just enjoy the email exchanges and not read too much into it. The holidays are busier times for some than others.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #5  December 31,2009, 1:23pm
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ivy08 wrote :
However I was shocked and perhaps hurt to find out that after 8+ months, in his mind I didn't even merit the 2 minutes it would have taken to text "Merry Christmas". Two days later he texts again as normal asking me how my
holidays were. He also overlooked my birthday two months ago. I'm a little hurt and seriously contemplating just letting go. Am I overeacting?
I think it's okay to feel a little hurt, but ending things over this is a bit extreme since you don't seem to have an well established relationship.

I do think you should let him know that these things are important to you, as they likely have less importance to him. You can bring it up by asking if he got your card in the mail yet. That will get him ready to send you at least a text wish for Valentine's Day (it's only about six weeks away!) if your relationship is still in a similar stage of communication.
 
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yoga_gal is offline yoga_gal Post #6  December 31,2009, 1:59pm
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ivy08 wrote :
Hi everyone,
I just need to get some outside perspective on my current situation.
I've been communicating with an eH match for about 8 months. We've met once due to distance. We talk, email or text daily - except interstingly enough Christmas Day. There was absolutely nothing - I sent him a card by snail mail (I wasn't expecting a card from him - I know that's not a "guy thing"). However I was shocked and perhaps hurt to find out that after 8+ months, in his mind I didn't even merit the 2 minutes it would have taken to text "Merry Christmas". Two days later he texts again as normal asking me how my
holidays were. He also overlooked my birthday two months ago. I'm a little hurt and seriously contemplating just letting go. Am I overeacting?
I think you need to discuss it with him as he may not know that this is important to you. SImply say that you would have liked to communicate with him on the holiday because that is important to you.

Beforehand, I would think about and decide on what you want? Are you exclusive? Are you still both on EH? Do you both see this as a dating relationship since you have only met once? You don't have to come out and state what you want, but in case it comes up it is good to have that ready.
 
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ivy08 is offline ivy08 Post #7  January 1,2010, 6:24am
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Thank you for your help!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  January 1,2010, 10:10am
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I am going to have to disagree with the others.

This is an eHarmony match therefore the implication and expectation should be building a relationship. While an LDR is at the best difficult and usually impossible, you have been at this one for 8 months. This should not be considered some casual acquaintance pen pal. You have every right to be quite hurt by his failing to wish you a happy birthday and again missing to wish you a Merry Christmas.

I think that he is demonstrating exactly what his interest and feelings for you are.
 
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richey is online now richey Post #9  January 6,2010, 10:49pm
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I don't know... I'm kind of on the fence on this one.

yes it's an EH match so "inherently" there is an understanding what everybody is after here. At the same time, talking for 8 months and the context of all that and how those conversations have gone I think override the fact that you were introduced via EH.

If the talks were casual and "friends only" at that point and very light and small talk ~ i wouldn't necessarily think that merits xmas card/birthday card considerations.

So really.. in my opinion, what should determine if that kind of consdieration is appropriate or not, or reasonably expected or not, is the content and nature of the 8 months of communications.

For instance ~ when you two met the one time ~ how did it go? what was the nature of it? Was it friend-like or romantic? What were the understandings between the two of you of what this is or isn't after meeting?

My guess is because yo haven't met again, it's more friends than romantic. Now the question is how good of friends, close of friends, and deep of friends is it?

Richey
 
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Georgetheman is offline Georgetheman Post #10  January 7,2010, 8:33am
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It sounds like birthday/holiday communication is not as important to him as it is to you. This...

wrote :
Two days later he texts again as normal asking me how my
holidays were
...sounds like he is not even aware that he hurt you. But how would he be aware? You haven't told him.

But looking at the bigger picture, I think you need to figure out what this "relationship" is. Seeing someone once in person in your entire life does not a bf/gf make. It sounds like this has slipped into a rut. It's not clear to me why you are still communicating when you've only made the effort to meet once.
 
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