Overeact vs. Undereact


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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #11  January 7,2010, 1:39pm
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It seems odd to me; did he even mention receiving your card?
I know everyone talks about being so busy over the holidays, but I can't imagine being to busy to call or text a person that you normally call, text or email daily (per the OP). Why were the 25th and 26th so different?
Don't know, something just seems strange about that to me.
 
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mikeinor is offline mikeinor Post #12  January 9,2010, 4:40am
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ivy08 wrote :
Hi everyone,
I just need to get some outside perspective on my current situation.
I've been communicating with an eH match for about 8 months. We've met once due to distance. We talk, email or text daily - except interstingly enough Christmas Day. There was absolutely nothing - I sent him a card by snail mail (I wasn't expecting a card from him - I know that's not a "guy thing"). However I was shocked and perhaps hurt to find out that after 8+ months, in his mind I didn't even merit the 2 minutes it would have taken to text "Merry Christmas". Two days later he texts again as normal asking me how my
holidays were. He also overlooked my birthday two months ago. I'm a little hurt and seriously contemplating just letting go. Am I overeacting?
How do you have a relationship with someone you are only able to see once in 8 months? (I have tried the long distant thing and it did not work for me. You can be friends definitely but the match thing didn't work for me long distance)

Guys don't do cards! Christmas day can be extremely busy!
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #13  January 9,2010, 6:10am
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mikeinor wrote :
How do you have a relationship with someone you are only able to see once in 8 months? (I have tried the long distant thing and it did not work for me. You can be friends definitely but the match thing didn't work for me long distance)

Guys don't do cards! Christmas day can be extremely busy!
My data points:

Several of my single (and, yes, straight...) male friends send Christmas or other holiday cards to non-family members, including me. A couple of them even apologize if they forget or if the holidays so overwhelm them that they can't, especially if they receive one from me.

My long-distance match, who hasn't even met me yet after what was then 4+ months of communication, sent an e-card (with lovely sentiments) that arrived Christmas morning. (And he's not a "holiday guy" in the least. We have talked about this.)

So, anyway, from my point of view, it seems not at all unreasonable for the OP to question what's really going on.
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #14  January 9,2010, 8:30am
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FairOne wrote :
It seems odd to me; did he even mention receiving your card?
I know everyone talks about being so busy over the holidays, but I can't imagine being to busy to call or text a person that you normally call, text or email daily (per the OP). Why were the 25th and 26th so different?
Don't know, something just seems strange about that to me.
Sorry, I don't know how to multi-quote. But I like this by FairOne and also Richey's post.

8 months of regular talking, emailing and texting and then nothing on your b'day and Christmas would bother me too - regardless of the fact that you've only met once, regardless of who it is. Would definitely make me go hmmm??

At the very least, I'd think after 8 months, there is a 'friendship', or an 'acquaintanceship'... it is a relationship between two people, who have shared communication on an almost daily basis (??) for 8 months.

I realize there are many people that are unphased by holidays, special days and the like... but I don't buy into the idea that because they aren't, that they're totally clueless to the importance of those days for OTHERS.

Seems a little... I don't know... passive-aggressive to me. Maybe? Can't put my finger on it. I'd mention it to him though, talk to him. Let him know how you feel about it if you haven't already. Maybe he'll get it the next time a special day/even rolls around.
 
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ivy08 is offline ivy08 Post #15  January 11,2010, 3:28pm
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Thanks for the input! I really do appreciate it. Just to fill in some of the blanks. . . I sent my card well in advance of Christmas, he mentioned that he did receive it. When I asked for his address, he asked for mine in return - which may be why I thought a card was coming. I did eventually receive a Christmas card from him on January 7th! No, I haven't discussed this situation with him yet, so he sent the card on his own (albeit 10 days late), not as a response to my "hurt feelings". I'm hesitant to have this discussion now, because I don't want him to think that this is a lead-up to Valentine's Day.
If he sends a card for that occasion I hope its because he wanted to, not because he thinks I'm expecting something.
 
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Shelock_Homes is offline Shelock_Homes Post #16  January 12,2010, 7:49am
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oh yikes! i always forget to do those texts and stuff on holidays!!! ALSO!!! I always forget birthdays!!!! ohhh man.. even after YEARS!!!

Something else I have totally screwed up! I once introduced my boyfriend with my ex's name!!!

ohhhh man.. yeah I have totally effed up before. The weird thing!!! IT DIDN'T MATTER! The dude STILL wanted to be with me.. totally understood.. and well.. water off a ducks back. in fact my mom told me she did all the same things with my dad!

while I ended up ending things with that gentleman.. i'm moving on.. and little things like this just make people human.

like d-lion said you can always dump him and find someone that naturally does what you are looking for.... or you could just see where things go. keep in mind you two are not even in a commited relationship. if you've only seen each other once, thats nothing compared to all the hours of one on one face time you really need to evaluate how the person is.

i admit, it can be so romantic to get caught up with an email and text buddy.. and phone calls too. and i myself have gotten swept away with this EXACT same situation when i was 18 and in college with an airforce friend of a friend. it lasted 2 years.. we saw each other about 4-5 times. and i took it for what it was worth.. someone in the interrim because i couldnt find anyone better. dont put too high of expectations on him, i made the same mistake and pissed him off more than a few times. it was what it was and nothing more.. in the end i grew up and explored my options and found someone better right in front of my eyes! you might do the same, so have that mentality as you walk around every day. but i agree, there is nothing like walking around knowing someone is thinking about being with you that very minute... and the eloquence of emails can be quite enchanting..

take them for what they're worth and have fun.
 
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