Being shallow vs. desiring physical attraction


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lizzy1999 is offline lizzy1999 Post #191  April 8,2011, 5:23am
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greg75 wrote :
I don't really believe that there is a person here that thinks of him/herself as shallow. I've heard some men say that they will only date women who are at a certain size (size 8, 9, 10, whatever...) and women say that they will absolutely not date a man who is shorter than they are. Some won't date someone who doesn't earn X amount of salary or drives a certain vehicle. All of us can justify our own prejudices.

I think we all need to realize the importance of physical attractiveness. It is one of the most important things in attracting a mate. Over time, other aspects become more important when you really connect with that person's heart and soul. When you get this close to a person, the outside wrapper doesn't matter anymore.
Agreed with greg said above. I think it's important to acknowledge that we have certain things we think is an absolute must or turn-off. I would probably say I don't want to date a man shorter than me but that's because I am 5' sooo yeah. However, I used to say I wouldn't date someone who makes less than me but my current guy earns less and I don't mind. Hmm, I used to think the vehicle was somewhat important but I find it's not really as long as he's not driving something that is clearly older than us.

But yeah, physical attractiveness is important! For instance, I wouldn't even want to be with a guy who only thought physically I was so-so anyway. And like greg said, once you get to know the person, the physical appearance doesn't matter so much. Plus, I found that a really great personality makes someone so much more attractive in the end.
 
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FaintestInkling is offline FaintestInkling Post #192  April 8,2011, 5:33am
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JohnMayer wrote :
There needs to be SOME sort of attraction, of course, but rejecting an otherwise delightful woman just because she doesn't measure up to our society's unrealistic representations of what desirable women should look like IS shallow. Chances are you're less concerned with your own responses to her appearance than with the fear that others will think you a loser for "settling."
This is an old thread, but does discuss a perennial issue ....

I agree with Nunyabusiness, above, that "desiring physical attraction" is by no means "shallow."

I wanted to note my perspective on the use of the word "unrealistic" here.

There is a common claim that men want women who are "super-models" or look like the women in magazines, and this is all culturally constructed, etc. Another variant on this is, "if all the single men weren't chasing the same 1% of women, then maybe they wouldn't be single and would end up with someone great."

To that I say --- if only 1% of women were attractive, I admit I would, indeed, chase only the 1% I found attractive. That is not something that can be compromised for me. However, I do not find that to be the case.

I would prefer to date someone within 5 years of my age, either way. In day-to-day interactions with women I encounter at various places (who are not necessarily single, and, in fact, rarely are), I find that well over 50% of the women I encounter in that range are what I would call "attractive." Looking at my female Facebook friends, at a glance, I'd say 80% or more of them are attractive (meaning I would personally consider them attractive, but I also think most people in society would say that also).

Of my eHarmony matches, I'd say about 2/3s are usually attractive, based on their photos.

As I was typing this, a woman who was very pretty just walked past my window on the street! Haha.

So just because someone says "attraction" is important, that doesn't mean that person is extremely picky about other people's appearances, or has unreasonable conceptions of "desirable women" brainwashed by the media, i.e. the typical trope.
 
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