Being shallow vs. desiring physical attraction


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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #11  December 31,2009, 2:33pm
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Is it shallow to have preferences? No.

Is it realistic to expect that the person who will match you in values and life goals and character will also fit your physical ideal? I don't know.

I do know that the wider your range of what you find physically attractive, the more likely you are to find a match.

I also know that if you choose mainly on physical attractiveness, you might be more likely to overlook character or personality issues that might not be so attractive long term.

But, we all make choices. And when we make those choices, we also choose the consequences. As long as someone accepts responsibility for that, I say let them choose as they will. What I do not tolerate, from either male or female friends, is selecting someone on one basis and then complaining constantly about the other aspects of that person they find less than attractive, whether it's a man who chooses a woman based on looks or sexual availibility or a woman who chooses a man based on his looks or financial generosity. It is not shallow to choose either way. It is, IMO, immature and the antithesis of love to choose on a narrow spectrum of qualities (most of which are quite transient) and then complain about the rest.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #12  December 31,2009, 2:33pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Something I haven't seen mentioned on this site previously....is that how a woman looks actually affects my emotions. Her looks affect how I feel about her. I've heard guys say a man shouldn't mention such things to a woman....because to women this doesn't make sense and isn't justifiable. However, while personality certainly affects the feelings I have for a woman...I can't deny that her looks do as well.
 
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NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #13  December 31,2009, 3:11pm
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What I think is really shallow is a person trying to get dates with people that are a lot nicer looking than they themselves are. (In some cases trying to offset this fact by offering material compensation).

Example: A 5 looking for a 7.

Another thing that I view as shallow is someone who has a preset list of physical qualities that a person must fullfill before they would be considered.

Example: Has to be blonde, thin, exotic-looking.

Aside from these situations, yes I agree that a person has to be physically attractive to a degree, in order for me to feel comfortable dating them.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #14  December 31,2009, 3:12pm
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jayjay wrote :
I've heard guys say a man shouldn't mention such things to a woman....because to women this doesn't make sense and isn't justifiable.

This is where you can say the same thing about buying her something: makes no sense and isn't justifiable.

I can say, that attraction is the thing that motivated me to try to talk to a women, absolutely.
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #15  December 31,2009, 3:20pm
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wrote :
What I think is really shallow is a person trying to get dates with people that are a lot nicer looking than they themselves are. (In some cases trying to offset this fact by offering material compensation).
With this logic I am extremely shallow because my girlfriend is much better looking than I.
 
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NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #16  December 31,2009, 3:23pm
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stevex wrote :
With this logic I am extremely shallow because my girlfriend is much better looking than I.
Steve, you are a handsome devil. What in the world are you talking about?
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #17  December 31,2009, 6:38pm
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I've been attracted to some people who weren't all that physically attractive ... but in that case there was some kind of amazing chemistry there that worked for me.

If you don't have some kind of romantic attraction to them, it's just a nice friendship. Not a romance. So I think it's an essential ingredient and not shallow at all.

But I don't think it necessarily had to be 100 percent looks, at least it isn't for me.
 
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MzGolden is offline MzGolden Post #18  December 31,2009, 8:03pm
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What makes someone attractive or attracted to someone??? I don't think one has much control over that because it covers a combination of things and is multi faceted. It's not shallow to want to DESIRE your partner...and what triggers that is different in each individual.

In saying that though, I personally think that if your making a decision to improve your image or you make a decision based on what people think of you...then you gotta ask yourself am I being to shallow? It's all about being honest with ourselves really.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #19  January 1,2010, 5:17am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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D_Lion wrote :
I can say, that attraction is the thing that motivated me to try to talk to a women, absolutely.
That's the thing with men 'approaching' and talking to/asking out women they don't know...this is based almost entirely on physical attraction.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #20  January 1,2010, 8:28am

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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I went on a date in November with a really likeable man. Witty and interesting we talked about a very wide range of topics and made one another laugh. I would've happily spent more time in his company.

But........

I would not have been able to bring myself to kiss him and that kinda puts paid to any sort of a physical relationship and therefore a romantic relationship.

I told him a sensitive version of this and said I'd entirely respect him if he didn't want to meet as 'friends'. I haven't heard from him and I wish him well.

I don't know whether it was shallow of me but going on half a dozen more 'dates' with him would have been simply wasting his time and I didn't want to do that to him, I liked him.

I'm likely to give myself an easy time on this front anyhow because for me physical attraction hasn't always been the classically handsome. I'll probably find you physically attractive if you have a quirky snaggle tooth and razor sharp wit and a kissable quality that defies description.
 
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