Happy New Year! Just Kidding


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Travelchic is offline Travelchic Post #1  December 31,2009, 6:10am
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I just broke up with a guy I met online. We've been dating for a couple months. The holidays are so awkward for new relationships!

Christmas I figured he would spend with his fam, he confirmed & I did my fam thing too... he called on the 25th & wished me a merry Christmas. Now New Year was creeping up and a couple of days ago I finally asked him what his plans were. He said he had a couple of casual options but hadn't made any real plans. Claimed he didn't put too much stock in the significance of the Holiday. So I went for it & said that I would really like to spend NYE with him. I qualified by saying I understood if he preferred to be with his close friends. He just dodged it. I asked if he actually heard me, and repeated (just in case) He said "aww that's sweet"! Just kept saying he didn't know what he would be doing. It was like my heart was slammed down into a trash compactor. Only a week or two before we had talked about how we really were starting to care for each other and that we wanted to start seeing each other more often to see where it would lead. We still hadn't discussed being exclusive, but his profile from the dating website where we met, disappeared shortly after we actually began dating (a couple months ago). He showered me with communication and I came to know his daily, weekly almost even his hourly routine. He always checked in with me during the course of the day, something I never asked for but found sweet. He's a bachelor & I know he's afraid to get serious & lose his "freedom" so I really strive to be respectful of his time & his privacy.

I ended up telling him that I didn't think we wanted the same things. He replied that he didn't know what he wanted. I said that it sounded like I would be in for a lot of disapointments...
He texted me the next day to see what I was "doin"? Like it was normal??? His dating profile was back up the next day.

If he was really dating anyone else that mattered to him then I don't think he would have put his profile back up. If NYE wasn't that big of a deal to him, then why opt to hurt me so coldly??? Perhaps he actually did have other plans with someone else? Then why not just say he had set plans and regretfully could not include me at the last minute?

I know the guys are gonna say I'm analyzing too much, But my heart is broken and I am devastated in the face of a New Year.
 
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atrueromantic is offline atrueromantic Post #2  December 31,2009, 6:58am
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ening a relationship can be very painful and no you are not whining you are just discussing your feelings, which can only help you in the long run.
If you really do think there is something to be said for the long term relationship, maybe your man just needs space and time to reflect.

Good Luck
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #3  December 31,2009, 7:08am
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I don't think you're analyzing too much... it's just what we do :-)!! But, I do think the biggest mistake that women make is to prematurely "break it off" with a guy to test him and see if he is really interested or how he feels. Unless you are actually saying, we're interested in different things and you really do want to break it off (doesn't sound like this is the case) don't even go there. Work it out, slow it down, see where he is coming from. Otherwise... we worry and analyze the situation that we've gotten ourselves into.
 
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atrueromantic is offline atrueromantic Post #4  December 31,2009, 7:55am
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i dont think you are analyzing too much. you are just expressing your feelings, which helps. Sounds to me like your partner needs space, but if you both agreed to see each other more, you should not give up. Time can heal alot of wounds
 
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atrueromantic is offline atrueromantic Post #5  December 31,2009, 9:14am
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i dont think you are analyzing too much. you are just expressing your feelings, which helps. Sounds to me like your partner needs space, but if you both agreed to see each other more, you should not give up. Time can heal alot of wounds
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #6  December 31,2009, 9:18am
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Sounds like you did the guy a favor.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  December 31,2009, 10:40am
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If I had been dating someone for a "couple of months" I would expect that I would be spending New Years Eve with them.

I think you dodged a bullet with this guy. Seems like it was all ME and not WE.
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #8  December 31,2009, 11:01am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
If I had been dating someone for a "couple of months" I would expect that I would be spending New Years Eve with them.
.
I utterly agree.

From taking his profile DOWN *and* then texting you daily, to being evasive about his NYE plans, *and* putting his profile back up, you should have connected the dots.

By then, it was ABSOLUTELY over, which is the cold hard truth.

Put on your little black dress, take a deep breath and go out to some meetup or singles party in your area

Better to celebrate as best possible than wallow in grief.

Just my opinion, wishing you well!!!
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #9  December 31,2009, 12:04pm
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It is possible you two are seeking two different things or that the two of you need work on communication skills. Several things here:

1) He took down his dating profile, this doesn't imply though that you two are a couple and even though you are dating the guy if you are not a couple than he may not feel obligated to do New Years Eve with you and perhaps he was trying to decide if he wanted to do it with friends or with you, hence telling you he wasn't sure what his plans were.

2) Maybe he was really into you and put the dating profile back up because he felt you were upset with him for being unsure if he wanted to spend New Years Eve with you.

3) I think he should have been more open as to what he was doing or why he might not spend it with you. As there could be any number of reasons why he was avoiding telling you his plans.
 
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Travelchic is offline Travelchic Post #10  December 31,2009, 9:55pm
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Hey Thanks for your advice! FYI Put my LBD on went out and had an amazing time at a party in Miami w/a bunch of Cubans,,, Got sprayed with Champagne Set off fireworks & had every guy teaching me to Salsa... I think 2010 will be OK

BTW Mrflier I'm the hottest, coolest & sexiest Chick you'll never date! Dodge that.
 
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